So I was up at three this morning. Jordan was a bit fussy, and between that and worrying about Pascal, Casey and I didn't sleep a wink all night. She came out with me and stayed up until five, before she finally crashed and I put her back in her own bed. Audrey slept like a rock, as did my husband. But at seven in the morning, Eugene came barreling out from behind the cutout, a panicked look on his face.
"What?" I asked quietly. He gave me a wide-eyed stare before coming to stand beside the wicker chair -- where I was sitting at.
"I just...kinda panicked a bit. You weren't in bed and I couldn't hear you out here, and I was worried that you were already out searching or something, by yourself."
"Nah," I said. "Sorry!"
"It's fine," he said absently, peering down into my face, "but how long have you been up? You look really, really tired."
"Mmmm...since three or so," I shrugged, clearing my throat. "Jordan was up a bit and then Casey was up, and I couldn't go to sleep anyway."
He sighed. "I'm sorry, hon. I was going to head out right now, but instead, I'm going to make sure you go to bed, go to sleep, and I'll wait until Zelia's up before I leave."
"No, no, no. I'm fine, I'm....awake, it's all good," I said. The mid-sentence yawn did not help my case.
"Okay, sure, sweetie..." he said, and I gave him a surprised look, amazed that he was actually willing to let it go. Hah...yeah right! Next, he scooped down and picked me right up out of the chair, and had set me down in bed before I could even protest. "I think my idea's better though - no offense. Now...you go to sleep, okay? Don't worry. I'll be back, and I'll bring Pascal with me."
"Hmm," I made a non-commitant noise, and he gave me a look.
"Pinky promise."
That's not what I was expecting to come out of that look he gave me.
What adult doll does pinky promises?
Apparently, we do now. I guess it was sleep deprivation taking over my brain, but I held my little finger out and linked it with his, rolling my eyes. He flashed me that special grin of his, bent and pushed back my hair so he could kiss my forehead, pulled the blanket up under my chin, and then he left.
I think I just rolled over, and then I was out cold.
When I woke back up at three in the afternoon, I swung my legs out of bed and stumbled out from behind the cutout, rubbing the sleepiness from my eyes. I almost was expecting Eugene to be back already -- not sure why, but I was. Can I blame that on sleep deprivation, too? Zelia was just getting the girls to lay down for their afternoon nap, so I wordlessly scooped Jordan up, wrapping her in her blanket.
"I see you woke up," Zelia said, and I nodded. "Your husband told me to find some duct tape and tape you to bed if you didn't go to sleep by the time he left, but when he checked on you before he left, he said you were out cold."
I stifled a laugh. "Did he say when he was coming back?"
"Nope. He seemed pretty dead-set on finding...you know who...today." She didn't make mention of the name, since Casey and Audrey were just starting to drift off to sleep.
"Hmm. Maybe once this little one goes to sleep, I'll go look for him and make sure he doesn't go all obsessive."
"I'd just let him go-- you won't be able to find him, I'm sure. Unless he's making a big huge wracket - in that case, you could find him pretty easily. But everything seems quiet, so I wouldn't try to look," Zelia discouraged me.
I grunted, and then remained silent until Jordan had drifted off to sleep. After I set her down in bed, Zelia spoke up again.
"How're you holding up, sis?"
"Ehh...I'll survive," I said. "I'm more worried for Casey and Audrey, just in case Pascal's not okay."
"Yeah. Everything'll work out, I'm sure," my sister said, before pulling me into an extremely awkward, one-armed hug.
Eugene wasn't back at seven, and he wasn't back by ten, which was when the girls finally collapsed from exhaustion, after spending every waking hour asking about Pascal, and when Daddy was coming home. Neither of which I could answer, which sufficiently upset me. I wished I could answer all their questions, but I couldn't. Audrey seemed no worse for wear, but she obsessively asked about Pascal and her dad. Of course, Casey was an upset wreck.
When the girls went to bed and Jordan was finally drifting off to sleep, I pulled Zelia aside.
"Should I go look for Eugene? He might've fallen off of something, and-"
"He's fine, I'm sure. Chill out, go to sleep...he'll be back soon, I'm sure."
"What if he isn't, though?" I'd been worried all day long, and I choked up when I added, "I couldn't live with myself if he's laying hurt somewhere...or...or worse!"
"He is fine, Rapunzel. You're worrying too much. I promise he's fine," she told me. I knew she was getting tired of me worrying about him. "Now..I'm going to bed. Don't do anything stupid, 'kay?"
I was more than slightly offended, but I huffed and went to go brush my hair out.
After that, I just laid in bed and worried, listening intently for any sound indicating he was hurt nearby, or that he was coming home.
When Eugene finally came back around 1 in the morning, I was still up. I was out of bed and had tackled him into a relieved hug within seconds. He was surprised, and I think I almost knocked him down, but he hugged me back.
"Ohh my gosh, I was so worried. Why didn't you come back until now?" I reached to cup his cheeks in my hands, but jerked them back when I realized they were wet. "Why're your cheeks wet? Were you...were you crying?! Why? What happened? Eugene?"
"If you pause your chatter for a moment, sweetheart, I'll answer you," he said quietly, and I shut up. "Yes. I was crying. It's stupid, but I was just so upset that I couldn't find him, and I didn't want to face the girls in the morning and say I didn't find him. And...I didn't want to come home to go to sleep, even though I could barely walk, because I thought it selfish of myself to come home and sleep while you and the girls probably wouldn't sleep much again tonight. Also stupid, right?" I'd never heard him give a self-depricating laugh. That was my category. I always gave the self-depricating laughs. But he gave a self-depricating laugh, which tore at my heart even more than the fact that he was crying, and the fact that he'd stayed out so long, thinking that sleeping was selfish.
And now I was crying a bit, too. "Oh, honey...I'm so sorry. You didn't have to stay out this late, it wouldn't have been selfish of you to come home. Your leg joints aren't sore, are they?" I hadn't worried about his joints in a long time.
He didn't answer me, but the audible gulp that came from him told me everything. That's when I broke down bawling like a baby.
"Ohh....Ohh no...I'm so sorry, Eugene...oh my gosh...Oh, why didn't I go look for you, I would've made you--"
"Hon. It's my own fault, not yours. Okay?" When I turned away and continued to fret under my breath, he tipped my chin up and carefully bent to kiss me until I quieted down. "Now...I'm going to go sit for awhile and head back out, okay?"
"It most certainly is NOT okay, husband of mine. You are going to bed, and you are going to sleep, right now." I said firmly. When he started to refuse, I grabbed his arm. "Honey, if you don't get to bed this second, I don't know how, but I will use every bit of strength in me to get you there, and I'll make sure you STAY there, even if it means me staying up all night on guard so you don't leave."
He looked down at me, a look of surprise on his face. Likely, he hadn't expected me to be so firm with him. Silently studying my face, he looked as if he was considering not listening to me. When I made a move to pull on his arm and drag him a step or two (just to prove my point), he chuckled despite himself. "Fine."
I tucked myself under his arm, helping him to bed. He could hardly walk -- I wasn't sure if it was tiredness or his joints, and it scared me. But I put a brave face on once he turned to sit. He eased himself down at the edge of the bed, and then held his hands out. I stood in front of him, and he took my hands in his.
"I promise I'll stay put. Sorry I didn't find him today, and sorry I made you worry," he said.
He had stayed up until 1 in the morning, searching for Pascal, had called himself selfish for wanting to sleep, messed up his leg joints AGAIN...and he was APOLOGIZING?
I tried to hide the tears streaking down my face. "It's fine, h-honey..." I immediately wanted to kick myself for my midsentence, involuntary sob.
"C'mere," he took his hands away from mine so he could pat the spot beside him on the bed. I sat down, bringing my knees up to my chest. "Hey - don't worry, okay? If you say you're not, you'd be lying, and lying is bad, y'know..."
I realized he was trying to get me to lighten up, so I gave him a small smile. "Mmhm. No promises, though. And tomorrow, I'll go out and look."
"We will," he corrected.
"Nope. You're staying with the girls, and I'll make sure Zelia keeps an eye on you, so you don't try to leave to find me."
He gave me a mock-terrified look, but it lost its effect when he yawned in the middle of it. "Okay. That's enough for me to stay put. But I don't want you going out alone,"
"I'll be fine. I won't stay out all night," I bit off the 'and get myself hurt like you did' part.
"Sorry," he gave me a bashful expression, picking up on what I'd thought about saying. "But it's no more than what I did the first time he--" he broke off midsentence, as if he hadn't meant to say that.
But what had he meant by that? He'd helped me search during the day, and went by himself one day -- which was, of course, the day he'd found him-- but...
"What do you mean by that?"
"Nothing," he said quickly, not looking at me.
"Tell me...I know when you're not telling me something."
He glanced over at me and sighed. "Alright...I went back out to search for him every night. It was dark, but I turned the lamp on in my shelf and then would just stay around the area that the lamp illuminated. I'd take you back home and then waited until I figured you would be asleep."
I was touched. "Oh my gosh, Eugene...why?! We'd only known each other for a month back then!" My brows furrowed, and I pushed aside the urge to cry more.
"Back then, it was my life mission to make you smile and make you happy. Well...it still is, but...I don't know. I just wanted to find your buddy. I knew he meant a lot to you, and you meant a lot to me, so therefore, I wanted to put my best efforts towards finding him. And he still means a lot to you, and you will always mean a lot to me. And this time, it's even more important, because the girls like him so much." he shot a shy glance towards me. "So there you have it."
I didn't know what to do at first, but then I almost knocked him over again, grabbing him into a tight hug from the side. "How will I ever repay you...between back then and tonight....?" I just felt like I needed to do something for him in return.
"Being my wife is all you need to do. Don't get all mushy on me, okay? I'll probably cry more," he joked, attempting to lighten the mood.
I pulled away, but still kept an arm around him. We both sat in silence for a little bit, but then he made mention of going to sleep, so I watched as he gingerly scooted himself backwards, finally easing himself down onto his back with a grimace.
"Do you want me to get Ta-" I started to offer, but he broke me off.
"Nah, I'm good. Little bit of sleep and I'll be fine. Go to sleep yourself, I'm sure you're tired too." He stretched an arm out and beckoned for me to curl up beside him, so I obliged, reaching to kiss his cheek.
Well...we'll see what tomorrow holds. Or today. Whatever it is.
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