Hey, Guys...

Hey, guys. 
I'm sorry I haven't posted in, like, an incredibly long time...!  Before I get into exactly WHY I haven't been posting as much lately, I want to give you all a heads up. 
As much as I hate to say it, I'm not going to be posting much anymore, if at all.  After the events of the past few weeks, I've decided that I should focus my time on my family as opposed to blogging.  Yes, you guys are practically my family as well, but...well, you'll understand why.   
I've talked it over with Eugene, Belle, and Zarina, and they're supporting me in my decision  - I wanted to make sure it wasn't a knee-jerk reaction to the past couple of weeks.

I may be posting again at one point and on special occasions, but for now, I just want to devote all my time on family. 

In THIS POST, I mentioned those strange Mattel dolls, right?  The ones that were supposedly Audrey and Jordan's adoptive parents, sometime before us?
Well...I was right to feel uneasy about them. 

October 31st - yes, Halloween - I woke up and, like most every morning, I went to check on the kiddos before going back to bed until they got up. 
Audrey and Jordan were missing.  Right out of their beds.  Gone. 
Casey and Zach were sleeping soundly, still in their own beds.  The other two were gone. 
I hope I never get that awful feeling in my stomach ever again.  I can't even put it into words, how it felt to wake up and see practically half of my entire family MISSING.  I can hardly even write about it. 

So of course, I woke Eugene up frantically.  He, half asleep, laughed it off and said they were probably planning a Halloween prank.  I repeated my sentence: "Audrey and Jordan are missing!"  and he came to his senses quickly. 

We wasted no time waking everyone else up, asking if they'd seen or heard something through the night.  Zelia was livid.  I feel that she, given the chance, would have happily torn those two Mattel dolls limb for limb.  She might have had to stand in line. 
Ray was angry at himself.  He, for some reason, thought it his fault - being a light sleeper, he thought he should have heard something, woken up, and caught them in the act.  Zelia had to talk him down.  I haven't seen him so furious in a long time. 
Fitz left to tell Zarina, and by the time the both of them (and Belle) came to the table, Casey and Zachary were up.  We explained the situation to Casey, and then Zarina told me she would stay behind with Casey and Zach. 
So then the search commenced. 
The search party consisted of Eugene, Zelia, Ray, Fitz, Belle, and I.  You would think we would either run into Tangled Fan during this time or run into those two awful dolls - I don't even know their names - but we didn't.  All day, we searched and searched for our girls.  We didn't find them.

For almost an entire week, we hunted for them.  We caught a glimpse of the female Barbie slipping off somewhere, but we couldn't catch her in time.  By then, Eugene's hip joints were just absolutely shot.  He had to stay back, and Zarina volunteered to take his place.  He watched Casey and Zach while we continued the search. 

FINALLY, we found them.  They had escaped, and Audrey had somehow managed to carry Jordan all the way across the room.  We found them hiding UNDER the shelving unit; she told me they'd been kept in the lowest drawer in Tangled Fan's dresser, the one she never uses.  None of us had considered looking in there; those drawers are nearly impossible to drag open for us dolls.  Anyway, Audrey was scared and hurt; Jordan was screaming.  We rushed them home. 
When they were safe and rested back on the table, they explained why they had taken them:  They had wanted to take them back not because they loved them, but because they 'owned' them.  She elaborated that she only acted excited about them when we ran across them on our day out because she was afraid to show any other emotion, thinking that they might come after them right then and there.   Safe to say, the next time we saw Tangled Fan, she told us she'd put them in a box in the attic for good. 

Yeesh.
That's the extremely compressed version.  I've never been happier to see them in my life.  Eugene's slowly on the mend.  They're home safe, and I'm pretty sure that we'll never let ANY of our kids out of sight again, not even at night xD  I can't believe them.  (The couple, not the kids.) 

I apologize for such a condensed post, but I, in all honesty, don't remember enough about to post in great detail about it.  All I know is that we were searching from sunup to sundown, desperate, and emotions were running high. It was just a blur. 

But anyway - before I start crying - I just wanted to thank you guys.  You have stuck with me through all of the absolutely INSANE year I've had the blog.  I love each and every one of you, and cannot thank you enough for following the blog to read about my - and our - insane, tangled, and emotional roller coaster rides that are bound to happen on a day-to-day basis. 
(For example: In eleven months, we've ended up with four kiddos, moved shelves countless times, made friends, lost friends, fallen and received injuries, gotten knocked out to the point of not remembering your own husband, had a baby when it's basically impossible for any other Disney doll (aside from Ariels) to do so...did I miss anything??  Probably...)
I hope we can get the time to breathe for, say, ten minutes before the next disaster?  If that ever happens, I'll post to let anyone still watching the blog know :D 
Thank you again, and...since Zachary is demanding some time with his mother (based on the loud cries and questions of  'Daddy can hold you too, right?  What's wrong, bud?'), I suppose I should stop now before either I'm a blubbering mess and have to explain to Eugene why I'm crying, or Zachary starts a full-blown hissy. 
See you all sometime, and thank you so much.  Of course, I'll leave the blog open in case you want to see old posts.  [:

A Day Out With the Kids and Some Strange....Strangers...

Bright and early this morning, we surprised the kids with a day out. 
The second we mentioned 'horses', the screaming commenced...on all counts.  Audrey started squealing and running about excitedly, then Casey followed suit; this scared Zachary, so he started screeching, and then Jordan started up just to make noise.  Yikes. 
Well, we finally got the crew rounded up and headed out for the day.  I had Pascal on my shoulder, Zach in one arm, and Casey in the other; Eugene had Audrey and Jordan.  Rather, we had them until they wanted down so they could run and play.  We let them get that all out of their system before allowing them to take turns riding the Appaloosa pony.  Eugene and I took turns leading them around and holding the two babies. 

Let me tell you, that was a really patient pony.  It let them ride...and ride...and ride...and ride.  We even held Jordan up in the saddle for a few minutes, and she of course loved it as well.  After they finished up riding, we let them run, play, and explore for the majority of the day.  They skipped their afternoon nap, which was not necessarily the best thing, buuut they enjoyed themselves anyway, and they were very, very tuckered out by the time we took them back to the table (:

On our walk, we came across someone....or TWO someones...that were, ah, interesting. 
A Barbie and her Prince Charming Barbie crossed paths with us.  Only...they acted all excited to see Jordan and Audrey, claiming that they used to be adoptive parents of them.  Audrey was simply ECSTATIC to see them, which confused me even more so.  Afterwards, she talked quite a bit about them, once they had left.  I'm personally a little - okay, a lot - apprehensive, but if she was happy to see them, I'm happy for her.  I just can't shake feeling that something's going to happen, though.  I'm not including any pictures of them because they don't know A) who I am; a blogger, and B) I don't want to post their picture everywhere because I don't know THEM!  And that's just a little creepy. 

But with that aside, I'm so happy we got to get the kids out and about today.  They really needed a day to play and tucker themselves out.  It's the best feeling in the world, watching them run and play and enjoy themselves!  I don't know what I'd do without any of them! 

A Day Out With My Hubby (:

Today, Eugene and I went for a walk.  (I have pictures, but Blogger's being stupid and not letting me upload!  Rrgh...But regardless.)  
With Zelia, Ray, and even Fitz planning to watch the kids, we knew they'd be okay while we were gone -- hopefully!! 
Around ten, we left the table.  That's approximately when I realized that I was rusty on my table-climbing skills.  Eugene jumped down and I started to try and scurry quickly down the leg of the table, but then my hand slipped, and I ended up on the floor...tangled up in my own hair and limbs. 
Chuckling, my hubby quickly helped me to my feet.  "You okay?"
"Yeah," I blushed, bending to untangle my legs from my hair before I tried to walk.  "Thanks!" 
"You haven't done that in awhile," he added. 
"Just when I think I'm starting to be graceful and my clumsiness was just a phase..." I groaned, straightening and looking at him with an over-exaggerated facial expression. 
He laughed, nudging me gently with his shoulder.  "Oh, c'mon.  You know that your clumsiness is cute." 
"Says you!"  I shoved him back with my shoulder.  He retaliated by grabbing my arm and reaching to try to tickle my side, and I squealed, yanking away and running a few steps away before I turned around.  "What's gotten INTO you?!" 
He gave me that classic grin that made my heart skip a beat.  "What?  Can't I be excited for a day out with my best gal?" 
"No.  No, you can't," I deadpanned, and he played along, giving me a puppy-dog pout.  I tried to hold my serious face, but ended up giggling, as usual. 
He grinned and slung his arm around my shoulders, pulling me to his side.  "Hmm..you have yet to learn the art of keeping a straight face, m'lady." 
"Well, if you'd stop being so funny..!" I threw back. 
"Pardon me for making you laugh," he tried to act offended, but it fell flat. 
"Oh, who's failing at acting now?"  I asked, and he chuckled. 
"Fine, you got me.  Now, what do you want to do today?  Dance?"  he stopped in his tracks and tried to twirl me, but I failed - big surprise :P. 
I thumped awkwardly into his chest instead of twirling gracefully in a circle.  "Ooh!  Sorry.  Um...anything you want to do.  I'm up for anything," I smiled, and he chuckled, bending to kiss the tip of my nose while I was close to him.  

We eventually decided to dance for awhile, and I had to re-teach Eugene a couple of things.  It's been that long!  I can't remember the last time we danced, actually.  (We went to get Tangled Fan's tablet, which has a few songs on it, by the way.)  But it was okay, and he only stepped on my toes once (or twice).  In the middle of a song ("A Thousand Years" by Christina Perri), Eugene spoke up. 
"Can you believe that in just a couple of months, we'll have been married for a year?" 
"Seems like a lot less, but...I'm not the best to judge that.  Plus, time flies when you're having fun," I smiled.  Quite frankly, it surprised me.  Yes, I knew we have been married for nearly a year, but it just didn't really register, I suppose.  Not like I'm complaining or anything - far from it! I'm married to a great guy and have four perfect little kiddos, what more could I ask for?  Not to mention a chameleon, a few close friends, and a sister.  
"Mmhmm.  Speaking of last year, kind of, has Flynn emailed you anymore?" 
"Huh-uh.  Maybe I set him in his place," I gasped sarcastically, and he chuckled. 
"Alright, Miss Snarky-Pants." 
I laughed, and then he reached for my hand and, all joking aside, we resumed our walk. 

We just spent the day enjoying one another and talking about anything and everything.  It was really nice, and just like old times (:  And even better, when we came home in the evening, Zelia said that Zachary hadn't been too bad about being away from momma, so hopefully we'll be able to start taking him places, getting the girls off the table a bit more. 
Life is good... [=

Flynn...Again...and A Talk.

I'm going to link Zarina's post HERE so you can read about the changes Tangled Fan made.  We have the entire table, now; except Logan, Ray, and Fitz live on the table, too.  They're pretty good, though; Logan usually spends his time out and about, but Ray sticks around with us.  Fitz, for some reason, feels the need to help with the kids.  It's so funny - he was so volatile of a doll when he was "Hans", but now, since he's been out of the box (under the name of Fitz...it's so strange how different the JC Penney's dolls changed!) he's been so kind and shy.  It's amazing!  Audrey's really taken to him. 

Anyway, with that said...Flynn finally got what's been about a year in the making. 
All week, since the 31st, to be exact, he's been harassing me.  Calling me horrible things, saying I'm worthless, saying that Eugene's an idiot and that if he had half of a brain, he would've ignored me like the rest of doll population did back then, saying negative things about our kids and our parenting skills...You name it.  I didn't tell Eugene because...I mean, seriously.  He's probably sick and tired of hearing about complaints over a guy I knew a year ago.  I'M tired of hearing from a guy I knew a year ago!  Ugh.  Regardless.   
I went off on him, after I got a message reading only this:
"Too bad you didn't die when you were delivering your baby.  It's a shame nothing happened to your child, as well.  Such a useless doll, since he's blind.  Of course, coming from a doll like you, he couldn't be anywhere near perfect, now, could he?"  
I found this at about ten AM this morning. 
I couldn't go off on him then, because the kids were up and I was semi-busy with Zachary himself, but once they settled down for their four PM naps, you bet I sent him an email. 
I told him everything I'd ever wanted to tell him.  Maybe I ended up a little harsh, but...I'm sick of it.  Between him and Ariel, I've been experiencing that awful feeling of worthlessness again, and I can't bum around with that.  I've got four kiddos, and I can't be distracted from them, especially over something as STUPID as their opinions!  It makes me mad that I fall into their traps.  But regardless, I'll stop ranting about that and give you the message I wrote him.
"Flynn, I don't know what you want, but you will not get it.  If you're trying to break me, it won't happen, I won't let it.  I was wrong to love you, I knew that as soon as I left the old place.  You might think that I can't remember all the things that you did, but I can.  I can remember almost everything again, which is great.
You know, you are nothing to me.  Your opinions....they can't affect me as well as they did before.  Why?  I have a family.  I'm not alone.  I have a husband who helps me every step of the way.  You might think he doesn't hold a candle to you, but the reverse is true:  YOU don't hold a candle to HIM.  I'd prefer it if you stop insulting him. 
If you send me one more thing about my children, I'm going to get in contact with your wife.  I don't know how, but I will.  You might think she already knows you inside and out, but I knew you longer than she did.  Remember, I can tell her all the things you never wanted her to know.  I know she doesn't like me, but you don't want me to open that can of worms, now, do you? 
Oh, and that little bit about Zachary being imperfect, and 'too bad he didn't die because he's blind'?  He's just fine the way he is.  We love him, and we'll never let that get in the way of how we treat or feel about him.  He's our son. 
Sure, call me whatever you want, say I'm a freak, a loser, an ugly piece of plastic, the most abhorrent doll you ever knew, tell me you wished I had died....but don't you dare say one word about my children or my husband.  Thank you.  If you're planning on emailing back, don't.  I'll figure out your wife's email address next." 
When I punched send, I was filled with a tumult of emotions:  mostly anger, irritation, relief, and more anger...I took a deep breath and huffed it back out, trying to calm myself. 
Eugene popped his head in behind the cutout.  "Hey, is something wrong?" 
"Hm?  Oh!  No, no...nothing's wrong.  What's up?"  I asked, trying to change the subject.  I let the tablet lean up against the bed and looked up at him. 
He strode over and sat down beside me.  "I could hear you huffing around, and I was worried that I'd said something.  I wasn't entirely sure WHAT I'd said that could've set you off, but I wanted to make sure nonetheless." 
I gave him a halfhearted smile.  "No...you didn't make me mad, don't worry." 
"Then what's the matter?  I know something is," he told me.  "I've been wanting to talk to you all week, because I know something's been bothering you, but we just haven't had the privacy to lately." 
I sighed.  I wanted to tell him, but I didn't at the same time...have you ever felt that way?  "Um...Flynn's been emailing me again.  A lot...since the 31st of September."  I bit my lip and paused, looking down at my lap before I spilled it. 

I told him every detail about every little thing.  When I was done, he shook his head. "I can't believe him.  Do you want me to email him?" 
"No.  I sent him a...heh...a lengthy email telling him what I've been wanting to tell him for a really long time."  I sighed again. ( I'm starting to think that today, sighing is my choice way of expressing my emotions.  Sigh.)  "Although...if I would have told him EVERYTHING I thought about him..."
He chuckled.  "That's an email I'd like to see." 
"I just hope I didn't come off as mean." 
My hubby shook his head.  "After all he did to you - after all he's still doing to you--and you're still concerned about being mean?  You're...you're something else.  If I were you, I would've broken his heart and crushed his soul." 
"Maybe I should have.  I'm too soft." 
"No, you're just kind.  You know what it feels like to be treated that way, and no matter who it is, you don't want them to feel the same way.  Right?" 
I shrugged.  "I guess....I should stop being like that.  But there are a lot of things I need to stop being like--"
"Like what?" 
I snorted.  "Have you looked at me lately?  I'm a slob.  I'm still clumsy.  I'm too soft, and if I were harder on people, maybe they'd leave me alone.  I leave a lot to be desired in the appearance department.  I'm too insecure, sensitive, and I can't let things roll off my back...everyone's right about me."   My husband looked so upset at that point.  I felt terrible for obviously making him feel that way.   "I-I'm sorry, I shouldn't have even said anything...I-"
He shook his head.  "No, babe.  Don't feel that way.  I'm so sorry I didn't talk to you sooner-"
"It's fine," I looked down at my lap, holding my breath for a few seconds before letting it all out in a big rush, waiting for a response.  When he remained silent, I bit my lip, wondering if I'd finally annoyed him too much.  But then he spoke up. 
"Sweet girl...everything you said about yourself is just...it's not important.  First of all, everyone is wrong about you.  Yes, they think you're a klutz.  Yes, they think you're less than impressive in the looks and dress departments.  Yes, they think you're too lax, and therefore, they can say anything and have you feel like crap.  But they're wrong, Rapunzel.  They're so wrong...I wish you could see yourself from my eyes.  You're not too lax.  You're one of the strongest people I know.  Sure, you break down every once in awhile, but you're so strong.  You carry a lot of things around with you; all these nasty comments, plus the daily adventures of being a mother and wife...you're strong.  You only break after you get a huge load of all this rudeness and childish behavior piled on, like now.  I knew something was wrong, but to have you put up with that and not even cry or say anything once?!  And yes you're a little clumsy, but it's okay.  I am too; everyone has their oopsies every once in awhile.  You say you're too sensitive, but you know what?  If you're insensitive, then you're like Ariel.  And gosh, Rapunzel, you're so beautiful.  If I were unmarried and had the choice between you and...and Ariel or...or Belle, or...I don't know, Emma...I'd choose you.  I'd always choose you."  he took a deep breath and cupped my face in his hands for a second.  "And do you really think I care how you dress?  You're fine." 
I bit my lip.  "But Ariel and Flynn both said that I was so ugly and dressed crappily.  I felt bad, of course, because...I mean...I don't know.  I'm sure going from a guy's point of view, Ariel's style is much--"
"Ariel's style is way overbearing...yeesh," he shuddered, trying to get a smile out of me.  It didn't work.  "Do you think I'd choose skirts slit way up the sides and seriously low-slung dresses over how my best gal dresses?  Modesty is beautiful, remember," he winked. 
I shrugged.  "I know..I'm just being--I don't even know.  Weird." 
"No, not weird.  It's pretty normal for individuals to let negativity get to them.  That's why you have me,"
"I'm sorry, though.  I hate having to load all this onto you.  You shouldn't have to give me these pep talks every time someone says something bad to me," I licked my lips and looked back down to my hands, which were clasped on my lap. 
He thought for a second, but the next thing I knew, he was gathering me into his lap, cradling me in his arms.  "That's right.  I wouldn't have to, but it's my choice.  There's nothing I would rather do, nowhere I'd rather be, and nobody I'd rather be with.  You're everything to me, and I'm fine with giving you those pep talks every once in awhile.  Okay?" 
I teared up.  Of course I knew that, but I still felt bad for making him have to listen to all my troubles.  Nodding, I tried to keep my tears from spilling.  "Okay.  I know..."
He bumped his forehead against mine, kissing the tip of my nose.  "I love you.  And please...if Flynn starts emailing you again, let me know right away, okay?" 
I nodded.  "I will.  Love you,"
He gave my shoulders a squeeze, which made my heart squeeze, too.  I didn't deserve a guy like him.  We just sat quietly for a few minutes, and he was the first to speak up again.  "Are you feeling any better about anything?" 
I nodded, pulling away enough to meet his eyes.  "Yeah...thank you.  Thanks for putting up with me,"
He chuckled quietly.  "My pleasure, m'lady." 
That got a grin out of me.  "I haven't heard that one in awhile." 
"Mmmhm...and I got a grin to boot.  Bonus points?" 
I laughed quietly.  "You're awful." 
"I know--" he broke off when we heard a faint whimper:  Jordan. 
I pulled away and stood up.  "Duty calls.  Thank you, again, Eugene."
"Anytime, beautiful.  But-wait.  Can't I even steal a kiss before we tend to the kiddos?" 
I shook my head, but I was more than happy to pull him to his feet and give him a quick, soft kiss before we went to get Jordan up. 

This Week, Flynn, and Ariel.

Soo.....This week's been interesting.  On Wednesday, Tangled Fan decided to turn her room upside down in an attempt to clean it. 
She thought it was an excellent idea to cram alllll of us on one side of the table. 
All of us. 
Ariel's been constantly trying to get a rise out of me - via insulting me or my children or trying to get Logan's attention by paying attention to Eugene.
I'm pretty sure that yesterday, Eugene was about ready to clock someone upside the head.  He was pretty irritated.  And by someone, I mean Ariel, Logan, or Punzie --Logan because he won't control Ariel. 
(Although, what's he going to do, really??  I don't think she CAN be controlled!)   

Today was probably the worst of things.  Zelia and Ray went for a walk, and Logan and Fitz went elsewhere to talk about girls.  It was just Eugene, Zarina, Belle, Punzie, Piper, Emma, Ariel, and I - and the kiddos, of course; and Merida, who didn't really talk much. 
(You can see the wad of blankets on the one edge there,  it's because it's been SUPER COLD the past few nights.  Ugh...)
Belle and I just talked for a good while, and Zarina hung out with Casey as long as Casey wanted. 
Everything was okay until Ariel walked over to me when Zach started whimpering - just because he was sleepy, mind. 
"He's blind, right?"  Ariel asked. 
I looked up warily at her.  "Yes, why?" 
"I was going to say...no wonder if he cries so much, since you're always holding him.  Even he wouldn't want to see your face.  But then again, since he's blind...no surprise, I guess.  Nothing perfect could--"
I jumped up.  If I wouldn't have had Zachary in my arms, I would have probably done something less-than-nice. 
"You know what, Ariel?  Don't even say it.  He's perfect just as he is.  You can insult and harass me all you want, but don't you DARE say a word about my children.  Got it?" 
She threw her head back to expose her long, pale throat.  Laughing, she shook her head.  "The only way to get to you is through your kids!" 
"Why do you have to torment her in the first place, Ariel?"  Eugene stood up, setting Audrey up with Casey and Zarina.  He put a hand on my shoulder.  "You don't have to, you know.  I know I'd really appreciate it if you'd let her and the kids be." 
She shook her head.  "You are all too sensitive." 
"And you're too INsensitive," I mumbled.  I didn't dare say it too loud. 

This went on almost all day.  She knew now that she could get a brilliant rise out of me if she said something about the kids.  I'm just glad she didn't say or do anything to the kids directly.  That's when I think I'd snap.  I won't bother her if she harasses me about how I'm stupid and not pretty, how I dress 'sloppily', how simple I am...but if she as much as touches a hair on one of the kids' heads....that means war. 

But regardless....as if Ariel wasn't enough (Punzie hasn't been as cruel, surprisingly), Flynn has taken to creating new emails and accounts simply to harass me.  Every time I block him, he emails me from a different, new account.  I'm not even going to post a word of what he's said, but here's the rundown of what he's telling me: 
-I'm an idiot
-I'm an idiot for not deleting my blog after the first time he started emailing me
-Eugene should have left me when he got the chance (when he went missing)
-I'm so bland
So on and so forth, the reason I refuse to post his messages directly on here is because of the content.  Who knew a doll could be so...so...vulgar and crude?  Yikes. 
I hate how between the two of them, they're making me start to think about how truly bland I am compared to, say, Ariel - and even Belle.  They're both pretty (despite Ariel's personality), dress well, (although Ariel's dress is fairly inappropriate) and they aren't insecure or easily upset.  I don't wish I could be like Ariel - no, not at all - but I wish I could be less like myself -- proud of who I am, pleased with how I look, and not boring.  And I'm sure the girls would even be happier if I was more interesting.  Not, like, physical appearances-wise, but...interesting.  Able to tell them amazing stories from my past, or unafraid of letting them do things like leave the table, ride horses, etc.  You know?
I haven't told Eugene about this, of course-- he has enough on his plate, and we don't really have the privacy to talk or anything.  I certainly don't want Ariel to overhear about Flynn - who knows what she'd do or say then. 
Yippee. 

Update on Zach and a Bit of a Scare

Hey, guys!  My little guy's finally getting better, thank goodness.  I was starting to get really scared! 
Last night, I allowed Eugene back in the bedroom, but Zach still slept with us, just in case he'd start having a coughing fit or something.  Today, he's only been sneezing a bit and is back to his normal self, which is awesome!  I might be able to get some sleep tonight....MIGHT.
This afternoon, right after we got the kids down to nap, Eugene led me over to the couch, pulling me down onto his lap and giving me a quick kiss on the forehead. 
"I think we need to schedule a day out sometime soon.  Your thoughts?" 
I smiled.  We hadn't been able to do that in...I don't even know how long.  Since before I found out I was pregnant, probably...I can't remember.  Regardless.  I nodded, leaning my head up against his shoulder.  "Mmh....definitely.  But it couldn't be a whole day out..."
"Why not?" 
"Zach. I don't want to leave Zelia or Belle with a crying baby all day long, plus I couldn't do that to him!"
He took a deep breath, thinking  for a few minutes.  "He's getting better with letting others hold him,"
I nibbled my lip.  "True...but that was before he got sick.  I hope my coddling him didn't create a setback..."
Eugene chuckled.  "Well...there's just one way to find out.  Zelia said she'd be over tomorrow, so..."
I nodded.  "That'd work - if he starts getting upset if I don't hold him, then we'll know that we just can't go out for a full day." 
He nodded.  "Sounds good.  I see you're over the 'you're never leaving the table again, Eugene' thing?" 
I ducked my head.  "Well, as long as the door is shut, the dogs won't be able to get in.  But you're never going anywhere NEAR said door.  Ever." 
Laughing quietly, he quirked a brow.  "Why not?" 
"All it would take is Tangled Fan coming in to grab something, not noticing a dog slipping in..." I trailed off, raising my eyebrows to silently ask if I'd made my point. 
"True," he nodded.
We talked for a few minutes more, but then Zelia and Belle came bursting over to our side of the table. 
"Is Zarina over here?"
I scrambled awkwardly off of Eugene's lap and stood, shaking my head in confusion.  "No..why?" 
Zelia rolled her eyes towards Belle, a look of worry crossing both of their faces.  "This isn't good." 
"What isn't good?!"  I asked, frustrated at my lack of knowledge in the situation.  Worry knotted my stomach. 
"She said yesterday--she was talking with me one-on-one--about wanting to go back in her box, to be displayed that way.  She thinks it is a perfect solution...Ariel has been dreadful towards her, as has Punzie.  They were particularly terrible today." 
I gasped, horrified.  My good mood from earlier completely vanished.  "Come on - we have to go find her.  Eugene, keep an eye on the kids?" 
I knew he wanted to help, but he nodded, and then the three of us took off down the side of the table. 
"Fitz already went to search for her...he was the one who made us realize she was gone," Zelia said as we hoofed it away from the table. 
"I hope he caught up with her before she could find Tangled Fan,"
"Same here," Belle nodded. 

We got halfway across the room before we found them. 
Her eyes widened when she saw us coming towards her.  Fitz was walking alongside her, and I could tell she wasn't pretending to be relieved. 
"There you are..." Belle gasped as soon as we came within a foot of her. 
She nodded, looking uncomfortable.  "I didn't cause any panic, did I?" 
Zelia started to snort, but I elbowed her (hopefully discreetly).  "It's fine.  What were you going to do?" 
"I-I...I was just going for a walk...didn't know it'd cause such a huge issue," she stammered. 
So THAT'S what she looks like when she's lying.  Dualy noted.
I let her off the hook, though, and nodded.  "Okay.  Well, now you know how many dolls care  about you," I said.
She knew what I meant, and gave me a slight nod to tell me she understood.  Fitz looked between us, an expression of confusion clouding his eyes.
"Well, I guess we'll let you guys head back, then.  I need to get back before Zach gets up," I said.  "Zarina, come over sometime and chat, okay?  Please?"
She bit her lip, but she nodded, and we went on ahead of Zarina and Fitz.  I didn't want to, I wanted to have a good long talk with her about what she had planned to do, but I didn't want to embarrass her.  I'm sure she didn't want Fitz to know.  Soo I just headed back to my side of the table, hoping she'd come talk soon.
As soon as I crawled up onto our side of the table, Eugene met me with a concerned expression.
"Did you get to her in time?" his hand hovered over my side, likely ready to comfort me if the news was bad.
I nodded.  "Fitz got to her before we did, actually.  Good thing, too."
He sighed, relieved.  "Good."

Sickness and Concerns, Plus a Save-the-Date

Jordan had a touch of the flu, and apparently, Zachary has problems with his immune syste despite the formula we gave him as a newborn, so he currently has a really bad strain of the flu.  I'm really scared for him.  I've been keeping him away from the girls, (I'm not sure how Casey and Audrey managed to stay healthy, but they did, knock on wood...And luckily, Jordan got some meds and she's okay, too.  Zach got meds, but it didn't help...) Anyway, I've been keeping him in the bedroom, and Eugene has been sleeping on the couch.  He, Zelia, and Ray have been keeping track of the girls, and I haven't left the bedroom since Wednesday evening. Eugene's not happy one bit, and neither is Casey, but I don't want them getting sick--nope, nope, nope. I'm surprised that I haven't gotten sick yet myself, but I'm sure that's coming.  I just really wish my little guy would at least show the smallest bit of improvement...he's really worrying me, and Tangled Fan said we can't do anything else and we'll just have to let it take its course.  I'd like to slap her sometimes.
On a lighter note, Pascal's been extremely conflicted as far as where to sleep.  He wants to spend time with me, but he also wants to spend time with the girls, annnd he also wants to be with Eugene.  The chameleon never even sleeps, I don't think: he just runs back and forth, checking up on and keeping watch over all of us.
With that aside, Zelia and Ray have finally set a wedding date: December twentieth.  So far away....yikes!
None of the details have been worked out, though, and Zelia said she wanted my help and was willing to hold up on planning until we were all healthy, of course.  Goodness, we have plenty of time.  Eugene and I planned ours on pretty short notice, if I remember correctly.  But regardless...Zach's just woken up, so I have to tend to him, poor little buddy...I'll talk to you guys soon.

Zarina's Notes--Blog

Hey, everyone!  Just wanted to let you all know that my posts will officially be on my blog....which you can see HERE.  This is gonna be my last post on here, so if anyone's interested in keeping up with me, you'll want to keep tabs on that blog.  (:

Zarina's Notes--Fitz.

Hey guys, it's Zarina.  I'm thinking about getting my own blog soon here, I don't wanna become unwelcome or anything.  Anyway, today was interesting.
Okay, crappy.  It was crappy.
Everyone went for a walk, except for Ariel, Punzie, Logan, and Fitz.  I was uninvited to the walk, big surprise there.  Belle would have let me go, I'm sure, but Emma and Piper probably had a good say in who went and who didn't. With that aside, I sat down with my book-- Messenger by Lois Lowry.  I had read no more than ten pages when Punzie started on me.
"Oh look, she's being nerdy again.  Having fun reading by yourself?"
Ariel's head tilted away from Logan, who she was probably flirting with, and a nasty gleam came into her eyes. "Oh, how sweet."
"I wonder if she wishes she could crawl into the book world and leave us?  She's nerdy enough to."
"If she did, nobody would notice!" Ariel walked over and stooped to look me in the eye.  "Not a soul."
"Stop," I muttered.
"What?  You're too quiet.  Maybe if you would socialize and talk more, you'd know how to speak!" Ariel said.
I stood, angered and upset.  "Stop it, both of you!  Leave me alone!"
Logan and Fitz were staring at us.  Great, all I wanted was an audience!
"Remember what I said about me being the boss?  My table, my rules.  You don't tell me what to do." Punzie pointed out.
"Just stop.  Please!  I know you don't like me reading, but just don't look if you don't wanna see me read!  Gosh,"
Ariel grabbed the book from me.  I gasped, trying to wrestle it back, yelping at her to give it back.  "No.  Fetch, freakshow!"
With that, she flung the book.  I watched as it skidded off of the edge of the table, thudding on the floor.
"Ariel!" I yelled. "How could you be so horri--"
I didn't even notice I was advancing towards her.  She shoved me away, and I stumbled backwards, off balance.  I grabbed for the huge bench, but instead smacked the right side of my head off of it.  I fell down in a heap in the corner, and when Ariel realized how powerful she could be, she advanced towards me, likely to throw some punches or something.  I couldn't get away, so I balled up in the corner and waited for it.
"Ariel, knock it off."
It was, to my surprise, Fitz's strong Scottish accent that said that.  I looked up, and he actually took Ariel's arm and pulled her back.  He's almost as shy as me, so it was surprising that he did it.
"Who do you think you are, telling me what to do?"
"I don't know, but I dunno who you think you are, treatin her that way, either."
Oh.
Burn.
She gave him a furious glare, but stormed off.  Punzie backed off as well; she wasn't that dumb!  Fitz bent, holding a hand out to me.  I didn't take it, though; I stumbled upright.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah.  I-I'm fine...thank you," I mumbled, frazzled.  I felt like crying.  I needed to get out of here.  I was thinking about what she said...yeah, nobody would care if I would disappear.  Maybe I just would.  But instead of doing that, I eased past Fitz awkwardly and fled for Rapunzel's side of the table.

Of all dolls, Casey was the one who really understood.  I know she had a rough life before coming to Rapunzel, but how could anyone be so cruel to a kid?  I almost cried when she sympathized with me; I feel bad that she went through whatever she went through.
Anyway, I went back at around five.  Everyone was back, but nobody noticed my arrival; huge surprise there!  I sat down by myself, thinking.  I was thankful for Fitz defending me, but was too shy to tell him so again.  Ehh, I had told him before.
To my surprise, Fitz actually came to sit with me.
"Are you okay?  They were really terrible,"
I nodded.  "I'm fine.  Again, thank you for helping me out,"
"Not a problem," he nodded.  We sat in silence for a few minutes before he asked if I would mind if he sat with me.  I shook my head, too surprised to answer.  I didn't mind, though why anyone would want to be around me, I'll never know.

Concerns and Zarina

Today, Zarina came over to us.  She'll probably be posting about it later; she told me she would, anyway.  Regardless, she showed up at around noon, fighting to keep from crying. 
"D-do you mind if I stay over here a-awhile?" 
We all looked up to see her standing awkwardly at the divider, choked up and looking hurt. 
I walked over to her and nodded, shifting Zachary to one arm so I could put my hand on her shoulder.  "What's wrong?" 
She shrugged, promptly clamming up and letting her hair slip down over her eyes.  I knew she was hiding something, so I led her over to sit beside me. 
Casey quickly jumped into her lap, grinning at her, and she smiled back at her.  "If something's wrong, Rina, it's okay now."  (Casey's nickname for her is Rina.) 
She cleared her throat and nodded.  I tried not to stare at her; tried not to bug her until she told me what was wrong.  Eugene did not do either of those. 
"Well, if something's the matter, you can tell us.  We won't gossip, if that's what you're worried about."  he said.  He was sitting in the wicker chair with Audrey and Jordan, and then all eyes were on Zarina, unfortunately. 
"I got into it with Ariel and Punzie.  So...earlier, everyone went for a walk except for Punzie, Ariel, Fitz, and Logan. Punzie started teasing me for reading.  Ariel joined in on it, and went as far as to take my book and throw it off of the table.  I jumped up and told them to buzz off, and basically, Ariel pushed me really hard, I tripped, and when I fell, I smacked the one side of my face off of that stupid bench over there.  She started to continue harassing me, but Fitz helped me out...I can't stand it over there!" 
I gasped, horrified.  Before I could say anything, Casey spoke up.
"Sometimes standing up for yourself gets you hurt, but it's good that you did it.  I know.  And Fitz was really nice to help you, Rina.  Why was it bad that you were reading?"
Zarina's eyes clouded with tears, and she hugged Casey.  "I know.  They were teasing me because they think it's weird to read." 
Her face contorted as she tried to understand THAT concept.  "I don't know why.."
"Me neither," she cracked a bit of a smile. 
Well, my young daughter has a better way with words than I do, apparently.  (Well, she wouldn't even have to TRY to be better than me with words!)  I was still trying to gather my thoughts!  When she noticed my struggle, she shrugged and told me I didn't need to come up with some intricate response, as she hadn't expected any. 
"I just want to stay here for a couple of hours...I had to leave that side of the shelf, I couldn't stand it anymore.  They've been so terrible!" 
"I know.  I'm sorry you have to deal with Ariel - she's pretty awful.  If you ever need to come over to talk or to just get away from them, Zarina, please don't hesitate.  You know our metaphorical door is always open, day or night."  I offered lamely.  I almost wanted to offer her to stay here, period.  She'd be better off, that's for sure.  I was worried for her. 

Well, she left at around five, once the kids had settled for a nap, and things were calm until around one in the morning.  I couldn't sleep at ALL...worrying about Zarina and Jordan, who officially has a smidgen of a cold.  It's also been really chilly by the window these past few nights, which can't help anything. 
So I was up at around one, making my rounds to make sure that the kids were all warm and comfy.  Pascal was buried deep under Audrey and Casey's blankets, as usual.  Zachary was bundled up, sleeping soundly, and Jordan, though a little stuffy, was also bundled up and sleeping well. 
When I had nothing to do and nobody to check up on, I paced the floor a little bit before heading to the windowsill to stand and look outside for awhile, trying to clear my head. 
That's about when Eugene noticed I was gone, and he made it onto the windowsill in record time. 
"There you are," he whispered.  "What's up?" 
I sighed.  "Just thinking - go back to sleep.  Someone's got to be in their right mind tomorrow," I joked. 
He instead came over and pulled me into his arms.  "Huh-uh.  It's chilly over here, c'mon.  Don't want you getting sick, either," he added when I started to shake my head. 
Disgusted, I went back with him and burrowed under the blankets, hoping that that would be the last of his questioning. 
Psshh, this is Eugene.  My husband will interrogate you until he knows exactly what's bothering you, even if it takes all day or night (or both) to drag it out of you. 
"What's my girl thinking about?" 
"Mmmh...a lot," I shrugged, and he kissed the top of my head. 
"Like what?" 
Sighing, I flopped over onto my belly so I could look at his face.  "I'm worried for Jordan.  I don't want her getting sicker, and I don't want anyone else to get sick, especially not Zach.  I'm worried for Zarina, too....I was thinking about talking to you about letting her stay here, but I-I don't know.  I don't know why I'm so worried, but I just feel like something's up." 
He nodded.  "I'll get Tangled Fan to give Jordan some meds tomorrow morning before she leaves the room.  And I know what you mean about Zarina, but I think she'll be okay.  She'll probably be fine once she settles in completely - she's much more shy than you were, so it'll probably take awhile for her to settle in.  Once she does, I'm sure she'll be okay.  She'll know who to avoid and where to go,"
"Are you sure?"  I asked.
He thought for a moment.  "No, but I'm going with my gut.  Don't worry, I'm sure she'll be okay.  And I'm sure the kiddos will be alright and we won't have an epidemic," he teased. 
I sighed, faceplanting into the bed.  "Okay.  Soo I just spent several hours worrying and obsessing over two matters that you explained out in, oh, five minutes?" 
He chuckled.  "They were valid concerns - and I didn't explain them out or anything, really...I just gave you my opinion." 
I nodded, my head still buried into the bed.  "Thank you." 
"Huh?" 
I realized that he probably couldn't understand that, seeing as I kind of had my face mashed into the bed, so I rolled onto my side, slightly embarrassed.  "Thank you." 
He chuckled, reaching to give me a quick kiss on the tip of my nose before pulling me close and promptly falling back asleep. 

Ariel

Hey, guys - so as Eugene mentioned (his post is right here, if you haven't read it), I haven't posted all week because I've been wanting to hang out with him and the kids, and Tangled Fan also has been hogging her tablet.   Using it for research for school, I guess....it's irritating, nonetheless!  But without further ado..

Today, everyone came over to finally hear Eugene's tale.  By everyone, I mean Zarina, Logan, Fitz, Ariel, Punzie, Belle, as well as Zelia and Ray.  Obviously, Zelia and Ray had already heard his story, buuuut they came over anyway.
When the tale was over with around three, the girls were tuckered out.  They'd been up early, so I got them carried over and tucked into bed while Eugene finished up his story, and then checked on Jordan and Zach, who had fallen asleep a little bit earlier.  I get the feeling that Jordan may or may not be coming down with something....oh boy.  :\ 
Anyway, by the time I was done, everyone had filtered back over to their side of the table, all except for Ariel and Logan.  I gave them a curious expression, and Ariel asked Logan to wait up for her.
What was she up to?
She strode over to Eugene, plastering that smile across her face. 
Oh, great. 
"How could you possibly have made it back safely?  How did you keep motivated?"  she asked. 
Eugene shot a glance towards me, but I stood frozen, watching how he would handle the situation.  Would he blow her off, or would he be cordial?  I wasn't sure which I would prefer he do.  When Ariel followed his glance to me, but then looked over her shoulder at Logan, I saw what was going on. 
She was killing two birds with one stone. 
She knew she couldn't have Eugene, but she still wanted to get to me, and she was also doing this to get Logan's attention.  Playing hard to get and using Eugene, just like how Flynn had used me.  I sucked in a deep breath, wondering if anyone else realized that.
"My kids," Eugene answered her.  "They kept me motivated, as well as my girl, of course." 
"Rapunzel?"  she wrinkled her nose, and actually stepped closer to him.  I glanced at her somewhat provocative dress and my face flamed hot with anger.  I wanted to yell at her, but I couldn't wake the kids.  Instead, I decided to see how Eugene would handle this himself. 
Why I was doubting him, I didn't really know.  Maybe because I wasn't sure if this past month had changed him...I don't know. 
He nodded.  "Yep...Rapunzel," 
"I can't imagine how coming home to her could be much of a motivation.  I mean....come on.  She's so...bland."  I looked towards Logan, who was officially staring at the two of them.  She'd gotten what she wanted: his full attention, and she'd gotten me mad.  To boot, she'd gotten Eugene's full attention, too.  It hurt.  It'd been a long time since I had dealt with these kinds of insults, and I guess I've gotten rusty at dealing.  I bit the inside of my cheek and made for the cutout, wanting to go behind it. 
"Well, I guess--I guess I'll, um, go check on Jordan, I think she might be up...okay, Eugene?" I announced.  I planned to listen to Eugene's response from the other side of the cutout.  Nobody knew that I was headed for the wrong side of the cutout to check on the kids, and Eugene didn't even notice me.  He was just staring at her with an unreadable expression. 
As I noticed this, I didn't pay attention to my feet, annnd I tripped.  My face blazing, I stumbled for the cutout as Ariel gave a charming giggle. 
"Plus, she's clumsy, it seems....oh, dear.  Aren't you going to answer me?"

I slipped behind the cutout and dove for the bed, burying my face in the blankets before I could scream in frustration.  She was completely right, but why was I letting her get to me?  Or was it because of Eugene's lack of a response? 
I listened for him to answer, but I could simply hear hushed tones.  What did that mean?  I gulped, tears slipping down my cheeks when I started wondering if he was truly satisfied with having me as his wife.  I mean....why would he be, especially if a pretty young thing like Ariel shows up?  I heard rapid footsteps, and I hoped it was Ariel and Logan leaving.  I took a shuddering breath as soon as I thought of Logan.  Seeing her try to use Eugene in the same manner that Flynn used me had opened up a lot of memories I didn't want to remember, and wished I would've forgotten forever after my accident.  Unfortunately, they had come back, as well as a lot of other memories. 
And I still wasn't even sure why I didn't trust Eugene.  You'd think that if he came back to us after his month-long disappearance, he'd take that as an opportunity to never come back if he was that way.  But...I just really lack trust, I guess. 

As I was pondering these things, Eugene himself appeared, leaning one shoulder up against the edge of the cutout. 
"Hey, what's--" I shot upright in bed, involuntarily doing a weird gasp-sob, and stared at him. 
"Oh!  Um, n-nothing.  I just...I-" I felt how damp my cheeks were, and wanted to wipe them, but I didn't want to draw attention to my crying if he hadn't noticed. 
His expression changed, and his eyebrows furrowed as he stepped to the edge of the bed.  "What's wrong, honey?"
Did I really have to explain that?!  I shook my head.  "Nothing." 
"Mmm, but the way you just answered tells me there's a lot wrong," he pointed out, sitting down beside me and holding a hand out.  I didn't take it; I just buried my face in my hands. 
"It's stupid.  I'm mad over Ariel, and her little show back there, and I know I shouldn't think the way I was thinking, and I shouldn't let her get to me, but....and then you just acted like you couldn't even see or hear me, and..." I gulped.  "Eugene, answer me truthfully.  I hate to do this or even think of this, but are you happy with me? And do you even know what she was doing back there?!" 
The second I was done talking - I'm surprised he let me get the whole way through my speech without breaking me off, which surprised and concerned me -- he fairly pried my hands away from my face, replacing them with his own.  "Sweetheart..." his voice cracked, and I looked up to meet his eyes.  I set my jaw, trying not to be affected by his obvious distress.  "Oh, sweetheart....I'm so sorry.  Of course I'm happy.  You mean the world to me, and y-you're...you're everything I ever wanted.  I'm sorry.  I did notice you, b-but I was so intent on trying not to scream at her that I couldn't even turn my head.  I was afraid that if I opened my mouth, I wouldn't be able to stop yelling.  I couldn't bear how she was talking to you...you have every right to be mad at me, though.  Every single right. But what was she doing, other than the obvious?" 
"She was using you to get Logan's attention.  Just like how Flynn used me," my own voice cracked, which I couldn't stand.  He shut his eyes, nodding, and his hands left my face, reaching for me as if he wanted to hug me.  He must've known that I wouldn't let him, not quite yet, so he let his hands drop. 
"I'm so sorry," he said quietly.  "I didn't even realize that..."
I nodded. "The only reason I did was  because...you know." 
Eugene nodded silently.  "I know.  Honey, I can't tell you how bad I feel that I didn't notice, and didn't say anything to you, and that I made you wonder if I'm happy with you.  You're my best girl, Rapunzel - always was and always will be.  Nothing will change that or come between us, you hear me?  Nothing." 
I took a deep, shuddering breath.  "I-I was stupid to even think that...sor-"
"Don't you say it.  It's fine, and I can understand.  I've been gone for almost a month, and then that happens.  A lot can happen and change in a month, so it's understandable."  I looked down at my lap and nodded again.  I was still an idiot.  "Hey."  he reached to cup my chin in his hand, pulling my face up to meet his eyes. 
"What?"  I asked.
"I know that look.  Gosh, I was hoping I'd never see that look again.  Don't pay any heed to what she says, okay?  C'mere,"
I swallowed, but I reached to slip my arms around his middle, burying my face in his shoulder and sighing.  He slid his arms around me and planted a few kisses in my hair before speaking up again.  "If she ever shows her face again, I'll be surprised, to be honest." 
I pulled away.  "Huh?  Why?" 
"I told her off.  Like...I really, REALLY told her off."  he cleared his throat. 
"What'd you say?" 
"I told her that she didn't know anything, she needed to buzz off, and if she ever comes anywhere near you or the kids again, I'd tell Tangled Fan to put her back in her box, and I was sure that most everyone else, especially Zarina, would agree and back us.  She hoofed it out of here pretty quickly.  Maybe I was a bit too nasty, but I don't really care.  She didn't need to be doing any of what she was doing." 
I took a deep, fairly surprised breath.  "Well...you do have a point, though.  I don't want her anywhere near the kids." When I heard a quiet cry, I paused.  "Speaking of which...it sounds like Jordan's awake." 
Eugene nodded, reaching to give me a quick peck on the cheek before letting me go get Jordan. 

Eugene -- my, uh...adventure....

-Eugene
Hey, everyone - Rapunzel wanted me to tell you guys that she and Zarina have not posted this week because... A) Tangled Fan's been hoarding the tablet  B ) Rapunzel's been wanting to spend time with the girls and I this week...so she feels slightly guilty for leaving you all hanging and C ) you'll hopefully be seeing some posts from the ladies sometime this weekend, maybe. 

Ahh, so I'm a lucky guy: four perfect kiddos and a beautiful wife, plus I just sort of lived through something most dolls don't, and I still have all of my limbs! 
Well, the morning I disappeared, the dogs were in the house.  They were getting fed, and that's a typically crazy time, so I slipped under a recliner until the madness died down.  As soon as the dogs had eaten and the food bowls taken away, I thought I could just slip out to talk to Tangled Fan.  Riiight.  One of the dogs -  a small, brown and white dog that appeared cute but was in reality a monster - saw me, and grabbed me around my midsection.  Being the dork I am, I froze up and couldn't even yell.  That's when all of the dogs suddenly needed outside - right after feeding time, of course - and in the barking, jostling, and bouncing madness, I got lost in the fray.  The dog still had me around the midsection, but Tangled Fan didn't even notice me as she opened the door and left all the dogs -and me - outside. 
Well, okay.  I could just yank away and be on my way, right? 
Nah, of course not. 
The one dog snarled at the dog carrying me, and in her anger, she dropped me.  I quickly rolled away, trying to go unseen, but that's when I failed to realize that I was by the edge of the ramp.  You see, the ramp is very long, and actually has three levels - I'm not sure how to explain it, but it zigzags - and I fell down to a lower level, and I guess that's when I was knocked out.

When I woke up, I was buried under a lot of dirt.  A lot.  It's a good thing that dolls can survive when they're mushed under things like plastic, other dolls in containers, or dirt - because if not, I would've been dead for sure. 
I don't know how long it took me to dig my way out from under the heavy dirt, but it was nighttime when I was out in the fresh air again.  It was really, really cold, and I didn't really know what to do with myself.  I'm thinking that I was probably under the dirt for at least a few days, if not a week. 
When I got out, I sat and thought.  I knew I'd need a hiding spot for when morning came and the dogs were left outside, but I had to wait until dawn to be able to see.  That was nerve-wracking.  That backyard is pretty big for people and dogs, so just imagine what it looked like to a doll a fifth the size of humans!  Massive.  That's how big - massive.  It takes almost a whole day to explore Tangled Fan's bedroom, right?  This backyard dwarfed her room.  I'm not even joking. 

So as soon as dawn came, I was able to make a run for the fort at the top of the swing set and slide that are set up for Tangled Fan's niece and nephew.  Let me tell you, that was a hard climb.  It was taller than the big shelving unit, remember the shelving unit?  The one Rapunzel fell off of that time?  It was slightly taller than that. 
Anyway, I got up there about an hour before the dogs invaded the backyard. 
The bad thing?  The stupid dogs were outside almost all day long.  I couldn't risk leaving my hiding spot, so I used the day to survey the backyard, checking out how I could move and be able to get to cover quickly, if need be.  One of the more interesting experiences of the day was when a cat came up to the fort, threw its food up, and then went in a corner, curling up to sleep the day away.  That was lovely.  (I'm oozing sarcasm here, in case anyone fails to realize that!)  But the plus side was that it came back to sleep there after its evening meal (and the food didn't come back to haunt her this time, which was a plus) and she allowed me to lay down beside her to sleep.  It had started raining, so I couldn't do anything, especially not in the dark.  The cat kept me nice and warm, at least! 
At the crack of dawn the next day, I left the fort via the slide.  It was still raining, but I couldn't just stand around forever - I needed to get back to my family. 
I didn't take into account that the backyard was probably bigger than it appeared when I had almost a bird's eye view (okay, so a bird's eye view for dolls).  I just barely made it to hide in the garden before the dogs went out.  I at least made it that far, and the rain soon left.  But then, I had the added risk of two of the Miniature Horses being left in the backyard.  I've never seen the likes:  using tiny horses for lawnmowers.  Hey, it works.  But I had to dodge hooves, especially since they were two young horses and liked to play a bit.  And walk clumsily through the garden, picking grass out from around the plants.  Yeesh. 
Well, at one point, I got too close to one of the horses, and he stepped on my feet.  Three hundred pound Miniature horse versus a 1/2 pound hunk of plastic, what do you think it's gonna do?  I managed to drag myself back to the slide and work my way up to the fort again, and by that time, I wasn't sure if I could ever walk again.  I was so sore everywhere, and my hip joints were about to give out. 
I made myself stay there for about...I don't even know how long, until I was able to walk again.  After that, I was super careful to watch out for horses as well as dogs.  Good grief! 
I know you're probably asking why no humans noticed I was here?  Well, it's because they don't generally tend to come down by the swing set unless it's the three-year-old nephew.  I met him when I was in the fort recovering...and when he attempted stomping on me to break me, I managed to climb up to the top beam, where the swings hang from.  It was evening before he left, so that was another day wasted. 
The next morning, I hoofed it for the garden once more. 
When I was back in the garden, I stayed there, despite some more rain.  It cleaned me up, anyway.  When the dogs would come around, I would just duck under some sprawling strawberry plants and flatten myself to the ground - they didn't even notice me.  When they were shut in for the night, I started to look around and revise my plan of action. 
As soon as it was light enough for me to see again, I made a quick run to the clothesline posts.  I was halfway through the yard, thank goodness.  As soon as I was there, I decided to go hide in the flower garden, which was really super close by.  There were a lot of nice, tall plants and ferns to hide under!  I would've picked some of the smaller flowers for Rapunzel and the girls, but I knew they'd wilt before I could get them to them. 
Anyway, I waited until the dogs were, once more, shut in for the night before I decided how I could climb to get to the doorknob - the only thing keeping me from getting into the house and being home free. 
By morning, I had that figured out.  There was a small table holding a potted plant near the door, so I took a flying leap and clung to the doorknob, twisting and squirming until it was open. 

Stupid me. 
That's where the dogs stay at night.
As soon as I realized that, I raced for and dove under the sink. 
One of the dogs saw me - an old, grumpy male - but he left me alone, trotting ahead to catch up with the others.  Whew. 
I was able to make my way through the laundry room in a day, and got into the downstairs family room, where I finally allowed myself to sleep for a little while, curled up at the top of the cat tower.  At least, until a cat came and, both irritated at my stealing his nap spot but also intrigued with me, batted me over the edge of the platform.  I was able to catch myself, luckily, and work my way down slowly.  Yeesh. 
Well, after that I crawled into the hammock-like part of the tower, and slept there.  Nobody bothered me, then. 
It took another day for me to creep through the family room; I thought I would be home free after that. 
Pshh, I forgot about the 'downstairs' part.  There were stairs.  A lot of them.  I managed, though; and after that, I could hardly walk once more.  As soon as I got upstairs, I hid behind the couch because those stinking dogs were inside once more.  When I was behind the couch, I slept for the day, hoping my legs would heal up by morning.  Even though they didn't, I still made my way through the hallway and got to Tangled Fan's bedroom, where I had to climb to open the door.  That about did me in....it wasn't easy. 
Then, I knew I was in the homestretch and at around nine-fifteen, I finally made it up onto the table, where I got attacked by two certain little girls that I'd missed a lot! 
So there you have it....a very condensed version, at least. 
It's good to be back. 

Last night's events...

At around nine last night, I was trying to get the girls to wind down for a story before bed.  It's no easy task to get two young girls and a baby settled by yourself, as you could imagine....but I'd been managing to do so.  Making up stories to tell to the girls seemed to do all of us good; it kept me thinking about other things, and they seemed to appreciate me finally picking up something Eugene had done quite often for them.  Even Audrey appreciated it.  Zachary even normally settled down to listen in, but he'd been tuckered out and had gone to bed early. 

 I'd just gotten everyone gathered up on the couch, with Pascal in Jordan's lap, and had begun my tale when we all heard someone coming up onto the table.  First, a large hand appeared, and then a head, and with a grunt, the mystery doll had heaved their body up onto the table.  Only...said doll wasn't a mystery doll.
It. 
Was. 
Eugene. 

He stood slowly and stiffly, and we all stared at him. My heart thundered, skipped, and squeezed in a mix of emotions tumbling over one another.  A gasp tore through me and I let my hand fly to my mouth.  Tears clouded my eyes, but I saw the two older girls scramble off of the couch and fling themselves at him.  Chuckling, he bent to pick them both up, kissing their foreheads and gushing over how much he'd missed them.  Jordan caught sight of him and giggled, clapping her hands and bouncing on her bottom. 
I wanted to grab him into a hug and never let go of him, but I waited my turn, watching as our girls welcomed their Daddy home.  My heart swelled, and I'm pretty sure I fell in love with him all over again, seeing how he laughed and hugged his girls a little tighter.  He looked up to catch my eye, and I dropped my hand from my mouth to smile tearfully at him.  He winked, giving me that beautiful smile I'd missed so much, and then ducked his head again to kiss his daughters' foreheads.
He took as long as he needed with Audrey and Casey.  No way were they going to sleep anytime soon, I imagined!  But after a little bit, they let go of him and wanted to know what kind of stories he was sure to have brought back with him.
"I'll tell you all a little bit, but after that, you have to promise to go to sleep then so you can wake up bright and early in the morning to hear the rest of it, okay?  It's you guys' bedtime already," he told them, and they reluctantly agreed.  "That's my girls.  Now, you two go get settled on the couch while I say hello to your momma, okay?"
They agreed, their faces shining with anticipation and happiness, and my heart leaped into my throat when he met my eyes.  Standing up, I made my way almost shyly over to him, not quite sure I even believed that he was alive and home.  He reached out for my hands and gave me an expression of sheer adoration.
"Boy, is it good to see you..." he grinned. 
I smiled shyly.  "You have no idea.  I love you so much."  Unable to contain myself one more second, I grabbed him into a tight hug, and he reached to do the same; pulling me as close as possible.  I smiled into his shoulder; his mere touch enrapturing me.  I could've remained in that embrace forever, but I let him slip away after only a few seconds. 
"We'll talk later," he promised quietly, adding a soft kiss on my cheek for good measure.
I nodded before following him to the couch. 
When he sat, he scooped Jordan up into his arms, despite the two girls vying for spots on his lap.  When he managed to get all three squeezed onto his lap, he finally realized he was missing someone and looked up at me, his eyes widening with concern. 
"Where's the little guy?" 
"He's sleeping in bed," I reassured him, and he nodded, letting his shoulders lower in relief before slipping into a very simple version of the beginning of his adventures; it was enough to captivate the girls, though, and they were reluctant to go to bed when the first part of his story came to a close at approximately eleven o' clock....despite their tiredness.  We got them to bed, though, and I quickly slipped behind the cutout to get changed for bed while he watched Zachary sleep for a few minutes.
I'd just gotten the bed made when I felt two strong arms grab me round my waist, and he leaned his chin on my shoulder.  I didn't even try to keep the smile off of my face.
"Ready for bed?  I can't wait until tomorrow....I'm hoping Zachary lets me at least hold him for a few seconds.  You'll need to catch me up on everything," he whispered. 
I smiled a bit wider, turning around in his arms to face him.  "Mmhmm...I will, but you have to catch ME up first.  And no promises with Zach letting you hold him, but we'll see.  He's gotten a little better!"
He grinned, cupping my cheeks in his hands.  He opened his mouth to say something, but I snaked my arms around his neck and pulled him into a kiss before he could start his sentence.  He dropped his hands from my face and instead let them slide down my sides before resting around my waist, pulling me closer.  When our lips parted, he met my eyes with a loving expression. 
"I missed you," he said quietly, bumping his forehead against mine. I gave him another teary-eyed smile, and he dropped a couple quick kisses onto my brow before leading me over to the edge of the bed.  He sat down and collected me up into his lap for a couple of minutes.  "Now...before I get into what all happened, I want to warn you before I forget:  I might have some nightmares, and I'll probably be up through the night.  Don't worry, though, okay?  And I apologize in advance if I wake you up....I've been, uh...having pretty bad ones.  Nightmares, I mean," he admitted sheepishly. 
I nodded, my brows furrowing.  What had he gone through?!
I won't include his tale in here right now; he said he would post it himself on here very soon. It was one in the morning before he  finally finished the tale, so it's a long one.

When he finally finished, he stretched his back with a grunt.  "Climbing so much really did me in. Basically every inch of my body aches!" I nodded empathetically, staring at him with concern.  He caught on and smiled at me, reaching over to kiss the tip of my nose.  "I'll be fine.  But enough about me.  What's been going on here?  Or are you too tired?" 
I shrugged.  Quite honestly, I was beyond tired, but at the same time, I was so happy and excited that I probably COULDN'T sleep.  If that makes sense...have you ever had that feeling? "I don't know if I'll be able to sleep, but I'm sure you're really tired, huh?" 
"You bet.  But why won't you be able to sleep?"  he flopped down on his side, reaching behind him with one hand to rub at what must've been a particularly sore spot on his back. 
"Well, for one, I'm excited because I thought I'd never see you again-"
"Why'd you think that?  How long was I gone?"  he asked, quirking a brow. 
"Almost a month...I-I thought you were dead.  We all did," I muttered, dropping my gaze away from him to my lap when I felt my eyes fill with tears.  Just thinking about it got me upset.
His eyebrows furrowed.  "Oh, honey...c'mere." 
I shook my head.  "I'll be fine.  I'm sorry,"
"About what?" 
"It was my fault.  If it weren't for me, you wouldn't have been going to talk to Tangled Fan, and--"
"Hey.  Enough of that!  You and the girls are the only reason I stayed determined enough to come home, just for the record." 
I swallowed, nodding.  When I knew I was composed once more, I smoothed the blanket over him like I always did before curling underneath them myself, turning on my side to face away from him, at least until I was positive I could look at his face without crying.  Within a couple of seconds, he pulled me close up against him, tucking some hair away from my ear before slipping an arm snugly around my midsection.  I put my own hand over his, lacing my fingers with his and sighing shakily. Oh, how I'd missed him!  But he wasn't about to go to sleep quite yet--of course not.
"You blamed yourself the entire time I was gone, right?"  he whispered.
"Mmmh...It doesn't matter, rest up,"
He sighed in frustration.  "I don't know why you blame yourself for everything...it was the dog's fault, honey.  How can I be so crazy over you if you're so frustrating?" he teased.
I giggled quietly.  "Sorry." 
Chuckling, he cuddled up just a little closer to me before going to sleep.

I woke up at around 3 in the morning to Eugene tossing and turning, mumbling and breathing as though he was running a marathon.  His face was pinched and worried, so I propped myself up on one elbow and started shaking his shoulder, talking quietly to try to get him to wake up out of the nightmare.  With a gasp, he finally woke up and shot straight upright in bed.  I quickly sat up, too, and put a hand on his shoulder a moment before pulling him into a hug.
"It's just a nightmare," I whispered.  "You're okay." 
He buried his face into the crook of my neck, much like the kids do when they're upset, scared, or tired, and my heart squeezed with empathy.  I gave him a couple of quick kisses behind his ear and rested my cheek up against his head, keeping my arms around him until he calmed down.  When he finally pulled out of the hug, he took a deep, shuddering breath. 
"Did I wake you?" he whispered.
"It's fine," I said quietly, reaching to smooth his collar. 
"I'll go sleep on the couch--" he started to leave the bed, and I grabbed his arm. 
"Um, no you're not!"
"I don't want to wake you, though...you--"
"I don't care, Eugene; you're sleeping in bed.  It'll be better for your joints, too." I added. 
Plus, I didn't care about being woken up; the love of my life was home after almost a month--like fun I cared if he woke me up having a nightmare!  He took another deep breath, and I reached to give him another quick hug before he settled  back down under the blanket.  I curled up with the blanket up to my chin, and he reached to pull me close to him once again, sucking in another deep breath that was no less shuddering than the one before. Within minutes, I was back asleep, but I don't know about him.  

Zarina's Notes--Rapunzel and Her Brood

Hey, guys-it's Zarina.
Yesterday was Zachary's one-month birthday.  Obviously, Rapunzel didn't throw a party or anything for it, but it was a milestone of sorts.  He had been so weak and premature when he was born that it was kind of a big thing that he'd reached one month old and was going strong.
Rapunzel didn't do anything special for him, but she just held him a lot yesterday.  That was enough to please him for the day!  He's not been getting near as much attention as he'd like, not since Eugene's death.
Today, I went over to talk to Rapunzel and help her with her kids.
She was especially down today, I mean...she's been in the dumps since the 23rd, but she was really bad today.
Audrey was at one end of their side of the table, with Pascal, and Casey was hanging around her mother.  Jordan was amusing herself, and Rapunzel was holding a whimpering Zachary.
I cleared my throat.  "Need help?"
She looked up, alarmed, but quickly answered me.  "Oh!  Hello.  Uh...yeah, if you're not busy."
"Me, busy?" I shook my head, kneeling down to talk to Casey, who had come over and promptly started pleading with me to play with her.

I played with Casey and helped with Jordan until their four o' clock nap.  Rapunzel toted a fussy Zachary around and tried to talk to Audrey, which failed hugely.
When they were all settled for their naps, Rapunzel thanked me.
"You don't have to come over and help, Zarina.  I mean, you've only been here about a month, you've got things to do and people to get acquainted with.  I appreciate it s lot, though," she added quickly.
"It's fine.  I enjoy helping out over here...those individuals on the other side are complete jerks.  If I'm not over here, I'm sitting on Tangled Fan's old saddle by myself, usually reading.  So no biggie," I said, "but I do wonder why you're so down today.  What's up?"
Rapunzel shook her head, dropping her gaze to her lap.  Her pained eyes spoke volumes.  "He, uh....one year ago today, I met Eu-Eugene.  Of all things, I fell--we were over on that shelving unit over there," she gestured vaguely.  "Of all things, I'd fallen and caught myself on the electric cord of an alarm clock that was there at the time.  This..this random guy helped me up, a-and I was so shy and embarrassed, but he was, too...and somehow, out of that, we kindled a friendship and...and then got married." she gulped, fighting for composure.  I felt bad for asking her why she was so upset.
"Oh...I'm so sorry," I said quietly.
She shook her head.  "It's... It's fine.  I-I...Zarina, do you ever feel like if you'd never met someone, the other person would have benefitted?"
I shook my head.  I'd only been here a month, after all.
But I could see where she was heading with it.
"At least...I mean, going off of what back story Zelia provided me with at one point...at least you had each other for that amount of time.  I mean, he loved you.  He would've been lonely without you."
"But he'd still be alive," she rubbed at her nose and wouldn't look at me.
"Living a crappy and lonely life," I added.  I didn't say any more.
She nodded silently.  When she didn't say anything more, just staring at her lap, I decided that I had failed at trying to make her feel better and I needed to just leave.

What's Been Up

Hey, everyone.  It's Rapunzel...just popping in really quickly this morning before the kids get up.  I miss you guys. 
I'm trying to help Zarina learn how to get photos up on the blog, so you might get some pictures sometime soon - not sure, though.  They take awhile to load on the page, and she gets bored with it and quits - it's almost kind of amusing, actually!  She gives up way too quickly, though.  Anyway, updates on the kids..okay.  Let's see.
It stormed a couple of times last weekend, and apparently, my little boy has a similar fear of storms.  Poor little guy.  It doesn't help when he can probably sense that I'm scared, too, but I try really hard not to be. 
Casey has been giving Audrey a wide berth, usually hanging out with me or Ray.  Audrey hangs out exclusively with Zelia or Belle or goes by herself - she won't even acknowledge when I talk to her anymore.  I can't stand that...I wish I could do something for her. 
And last but definitely not least, Jordan's at least been a happy little girl.  She's pretty much the only light in this awfulness; she brings everyone's spirits up with her giggling and how she amuses herself. 

Belle has been coming over quite a bit to help out; usually in the evenings when Audrey absolutely will NOT go to bed for me.  She's been such a good help, and I feel terrible that I haven't thanked her properly yet. 
Ray and Zelia are almost always over here anymore, which is, of course, greatly appreciated, and Zarina comes over as well.  Casey's really taken to Zarina  -- which doesn't surprise me much.  I'm glad that Zarina takes the time to hang out with Casey.  That poor kid's been through so much, she needs someone to just play and have fun with.  Of course, Zarina's an adult and she's a little girl, but they get along anyway, and Zarina won't think twice about playing with her.   
Pascal's back to sticking to me like glue; like he did around this time last year.  GOSH. I can't believe that on the thirteenth of this month -- Saturday, to be exact --, I was meeting that gorgeous, perfect guy for the first time.  
Yesterday evening, Tangled Fan gave me a book (The Giver) and a flashlight, so I read a good bit of it last night.  Couldn't sleep anyway....but reading only made me miss him worse at first.  And I just couldn't help but think about all the little things I miss.  How he would hold one edge of the book and I would hold the other; how he'd get distracted and I'd catch him staring at me instead of reading.  How he'd let me cuddle up against him, how he'd kiss the top of my head and whisper 'an I love you' into my hair in the middle of reading.  How we used to spend hours reading together. 
I miss him. 
Don't get me wrong, The Giver is an excellent book so far, but I kept getting distracted, thinking about him. 
Tonight, though, I'm almost excited to read some more.  I'm hoping that throwing myself deeper into a utopia of propaganda will drown out my thoughts.  Hm.  The people in The Giver can't feel anything...that sounds pretty darn great right about now.  Honestly, the kids are the only reason I haven't gone completely insane.  Yet. 
Anyway...I'm sure you'll hear from Zarina again soon, hopefully with pictures.  I'll update you guys sometime again here. 

Zarina's Notes: Meet the Boys ....er....Meet Them Again.

Hey guys...it's Zarina, in case you missed the title. How's your day been going?  Mine started out pretty epic.  Captain America: The Winter Soldier came out on DVD today.  While I'll have to wait until Tangled Fan gets the movie, I'm definitely going to be watching it the absolute second I can. 
Welcome to the geek side of me.

Today, Tangled Fan brought Hans and Kristoff out of their boxes.
Weeell, JC Penney's dolls are evidently different, and the reboxing side effects are different.  Never knew that.
Hans thinks his name is Fitz, and he even has a Scottish accent to boot...pretty neat.
Kristoff thinks his name is Logan, but his voice kept the normal accent, at least.

When they crawled up onto this side of the table, everyone just stared.  Of course, the attention seeking Ariel immediately went all mushy over the both of them, which was flat out disgusting.  Logan...eer Kristoff...you know, I'm just gonna call them by their new names, it'll make life easier.  Anyway, Logan was all for it, but Fitz acted really shy and just hung back. I got irritated with Ariel's antics pretty quickly, though, and so I left to go sit on the window.

Rapunzel, to my surprise, was already sitting up there.
"Oh!--Um, I'll...I'll go.  Sorry, didn't see you were already up here," I explained awkwardly, letting my hair cover my face.  I don't even know why I was awkward about it, I mean...she's my friend, and I see her and help her with her kids almost every day. 
"No, it's fine, stay for a bit!" Rapunzel reassured me, so I sat down and stared out of the window a couple of minutes.  "What's up?" she soon asked.

I looked up from my lap to see the widow's face.  Pale, the dark rings circling her eyes popped out even more than they had yesterday.  Her hair was a little messy, and a smile hadn't spread across her pale lips in more than two weeks. The woman had lost her husband, who was I to complain?
"Nothing, just needed some fresh air," I told her.
"Have Hans and Kristoff come back yet?" I had told her about Tangled Fan's plan.
I nodded, and quickly told her about their personality changes, hoping to amuse her.  It didn't work.
"That's nice, actually.  They were pretty terrible when they first came here.  Let me guess, Ariel is all over them?"
My eyebrows shot up in surprise.  "Um...yeah.  That's why I came over here,"
She nodded quietly.  "I see.  Well, stay up here as long as you'd like.  I'll be leaving when the kiddos get up,"
I bit my lip, nodding as well.  "Do you need help with them?  I'm free, obviously." 
She shook her head.  "Thank you for the offer, Zarina, but you helped yesterday.  You need a break!" 
I didn't really need a break, but I agreed and just went back over to my side of the table, feeling slightly better than I had when I'd left. 
Zelia came over to me as soon as came back.
"I'm going to go see my sister.  Make sure that fool keeps in line," Zelia shot a glance back to Ariel, and I nodded.  Now how exactly did she expect me to keep her in line?  Good luck with that, Zelia.  Just so you know, I can't. 
And Ariel demonstrated that fact as soon as Zelia left.  She cornered me, which was fairly easy to do because I was curled up in the corner with Tangled Fan's copy of The Hobbit. 
"Don't try anything.  They wouldn't be interested in you anyway," Ariel hissed. 
I glanced up from the book.  "What?" 
"Don't try anything, blond. As in, Logan is mine." 
I shrugged.  "I wasn't planning on 'trying anything', Ariel."
She glanced down at my book.  "What're you reading?" 
"The Hobbit," I said.  Was she actually interested?
 Her lips twisted into a cruel smile. "I guess I wouldn't have to worry, anyway.  Nobody would look twice at a little nerd like you."  And with that, she left. 
I sighed, trying not to let her get to me, but I could hardly follow the words filling the pages, because my eyes were filling with hot tears. 

Zarina's Notes - About Me

Soo....hey guys.  I'm Zarina; I'm sure (or at least really hoping) that Rapunzel told you all that I'd be posting here a little bit?  If not...well, I am.  Just for a little bit, I promise; I may or may not get a blog of my own someday if I'm not dropdead boring. 
Well...I guess for this first post, I should tell you all what I'm like. 
In a word...introverted.
Very, very introverted.  So of course, that makes me the biggest target on this universe for bullying, and yes bullying exists amongst dolls, and...yeah.  You get the gist, right?  Rapunzel and Belle are the two I typically go to if I need to talk to someone; everyone else basically loathes my existence, or so it seems. 
Poor Rapunzel, though...seriously.  I can't even imagine losing a loved one.  She's just so heartbroken....I wish I could do something for her, because she's been there for me when I needed someone the most, but I just don't know what to say or do for her to make her feel better.  I don't think anything helps.  It doesn't help that her daughter is kinda turned against her to boot, though.
Anyway, I apologize if I start rambling on random topics as I write.  It's just kind of something I do - although talking about Rapunzel and her family isn't necessarily random, since it is her blog, after all.  But regardless...Ummm...
Basically, all you need to know about me is that I've been here for about three weeks (almost four), and it's been full of bullies and cruel jokes (Punzie, Ariel, I'm looking at both of you.) Annnnd I'm also a pretty big nerd, and can research stuff about movies and books for ages online. 

A bit of news you might be interested in is that Tangled Fan is planning on bringing Hans and Kristoff back out of their boxes, something about the fact that she doesn't have room for them in their boxes anymore?  Regardless, the Anna and Elsa ones are still staying in the boxes because of their joints.  Anyway, I guess she decided that it wouldn't hurt the guys any because they wouldn't remember the girls or anything...so they wouldn't be 'looking at their blank and mindless wives every day'.  That's both the good and the bad thing about getting put back in your box: you can forget everything.  I suppose the only reason I feel like it's a good thing is because I sometimes wish I could be put in my box again, just to take away all the insults and nastiness I've faced these past few weeks of my life. 

But enough about me.  I'll probably be posting....hmm...I really don't know how often I'll post, but I'll be around.  I'll talk to you guys later...and if you don't read any more of my posts, well, that's okay too, because I can totally see why you wouldn't! 

What's Been Up...

Hey guys...I apologize for not posting anything since...you know.
It's been a very long week and a half .  I don't know if I'll ever be the same again.  The girls have been swinging from fighting to crying nearly constantly.  Rather, Audrey does all the crying and instigates all the fighting.  Casey just doesn't know what to do; I don't either, and I'm scared that she'll run away.  Audrey has developed an extreme hatred for me, I've never seen a child with such anger aimed towards someone.  Zachary has had to learn that momma can't always carry him around, such as when I'm breaking up a fight or taking care of Jordan, and so he's been really upset and that makes me feel even worse.  He's somewhat learned to let Zelia hold him, but he doesn't like it.  And if Ray tries to hold him...let's not even mention that.

Yesterday morning at around six, I heard a small, whimpering cry.  I suppose at this point I should say that I was up this early because I have hardly slept since the 24th. Between worrying about the kids and thinking about him...I'll sleep when I'm in a trash can somewhere.
Anyway, I heard a cry that was not from either of the babies.  Stumbling out of bed, I crept out from behind the cutout to go check things out.
Casey was curled in a ball in their bed, her little shoulders heaving.  Pascal was watching her with a concerned expression, and glanced up helplessly at me.
I knelt beside the bed and put a hand over her shoulder.  "Casey, sweetie..."
She jumped, sitting up to look at me with her red, watery eyes.  Sniffling, she dipped her head in what seemed to be shame.  "I-I tried, mom...I tried not to c-cry.  I knew it would m-make you sad and...and Daddy wouldn't want me t-to...but I-I couldn't keep it i-in anymore..I-I'm sorry-"
I scooped her out of bed and carried her to my own bed. "Don't you apologize, honey.  It's...it's okay to cry.  It's not good for you to bottle it all up inside, so you cry all you need to.  I'm sorry, baby.  I'm so sorry."  I was struggling to keep my own composure, but when she buried her face into my chest and sobbed quietly, I couldn't keep it together anymore.  She cried herself to sleep, and I cried with her.  When her heartbroken sniffles faded into a shuddering sigh, I laid her down beside me and watched her sleep, keeping her close.

At eight when Zachary announced his waking with a loud cry, I got up once more.  All of the girls woke after that, and at eight-thirty, Zelia and Belle came over unexpectedly.  Zelia's been helping a lot, and I fully appreciate it, but she hadn't said anything about coming over today.

"Belle and Ray are going to take the kids to the other side to play for a little while, and you and I are going to have  a talk,"  were the first words from my sister's mouth.
"What?"  I asked.  Before she could repeat herself, I continued.  "I mean...do you really think they're going to want to play or go anywhere yet?"
"Yes," Audrey piped up.  "I wanna go somewhere where you aren't!"
I gasped, but I really should have expected it.  "Audrey..."
"No!  Don't talk.  I don't wanna talk to the person that's at fault for why my Daddy's gone!"
Casey sucked in a deep breath, but I grabbed her up before she could say anything to Audrey to defend me. 
I couldn't even think of anything to say. 
Zelia did, though.  "Audrey!  That's enough.  Apologize to your mother!" 
That's when she looked me dead in the eyes and said "I don't want to.  I don't want to call her my mother anymore, either."
I gasped.  "Audrey!  I-I'm trying my best.  I know you hate me and I know you miss Daddy, but can't you understand that I'm trying?  I miss him, too, I miss him so much. I know it's my fault, but I don't need you to remind me every single day!  I know it's hard, but can you please j-just....just accept that nothing's going to change and that you're going to be stuck with me?"  Maybe I was a little hard on her, but I didn't know how else to get her attention.  I handed Casey to Belle and then knelt to set my hands on Audrey's shoulders, meeting her reluctant brown eyes.  "Please?"
She looked conflicted for a moment, but then her eyes hardened and she pulled away from me and turned to leave with Belle, who had set Casey down and gone to get Jordan.
I stayed on my knees and stared as Belle and the girls left me alone with Zelia and Zachary.
When they were gone, a sob ripped through me.  "What am I going to do, Zelia?  My own daughter hates me!" 
She knelt beside me and pulled me into a hug.  "I'm sorry.  And I'm sorry, but we're going to have a long talk." 
I pulled away from her.  "N-no...I don't expect you to comfort me or to understand what I'm going through.  P-please..."
"But I'm your sister, and I'm the only family you have left, aside from the kids.  So spill it - talking will help you.  First off, you blame yourself?" 
"Y-yes.  He was going to talk with Tangled Fan about taking me for a walk outside, after all.  If it hadn't have been for me, he'd still be here.  And I can't help but feel that maybe when I broke up with him before we got married....m-maybe I'd been right.  He'd still be around.  I wouldn't know him, but he'd be safe.  Zelia, that wonderful, caring guy is gone because of ME!"  I fairly shouted, I was so furious with myself.  That scared Zach, who had been sleeping, and he started whimpering fearfully.  I stood up quickly and went over to him, scooping up and holding him close.  "I'm sorry.  I'm so sorry, baby.  Shh...Momma's sorry."  I bit back a sob.  I was a horrible mother.  I couldn't even do that right. 
Zelia wouldn't back down on the subject, though. 
"Rapunzel, it's not your fault or his.  It's those stupid dogs' faults.  And if he wouldn't have known you?  It would've destroyed him.  It would've destroyed you, too.  I saw you.  You gave each other a year of precious union, despite the trials you both faced.  It isn't your fault!"
"Yes it is," I whispered.  The tears were streaming down my cheeks, and I wanted to scream, to drop to my knees and cry...to collapse and never get back up again. The longer time dragged on, the more I felt alone; the longer I felt I couldn't get through this. 
Zelia grabbed my shoulders, and I get the feeling that she would've given me a good shaking if it weren't for Zachary.  "Stop it.  Snap yourself out of this, now.  I can see it in your eyes, I can see the light disappearing and I don't want to see you dead...dead inside.  Your kids need you.  You need to do this for him, you need to be the best mother you can be." 
I twisted away from her.  "Maybe I should p-put them up for adoption, then.  I'm..I'm a horrible mother.  I-I can't even imagine losing them, and it would tear me apart, but...but I have to think about what's best for THEM, right?  Not me." 
Zelia huffed, obviously disgusted with me.  "Is this all you can do?  Is...is belittling yourself all you can do?  Because those kids love you--"
"Did you hear Audrey?" 
"She'll get over it!  You and I both know that.  Are you really telling me that you'd look Casey in the eyes and tell her she's going back up for adoption, rather than sticking through and knowing that this is just the dark before the dawn?" 
I fell silent a moment, staring down at Zach's blank, sightless gaze. How could I have thought such a thing?  Shipping them all off for adoption wouldn't be the best for them.  They needed me...and I needed them.  I shook my head, tears dripping from my nose as I hung my head.  "I'm an idiot,"
"No, you just don't think clearly when you're faced with a scary situation.  I do the same thing, so it's not just you.  But...please, don't let this dark cloud consume you.  I can see it happening, and I don't like it.  You need to start getting out and doing stuff, instead of moping and thinking about him." 
I shook my head.  "I can't...not yet.  I-"
"You have to."  Zelia said firmly. 
I swallowed, moving to lay Zach back down into his bed.  "Don't you see, Zelia?  I'm back to where I was last year, only I have four children that depend on me.  I can't just go around like nothing ever happened." 
"You aren't, though!  You have me, and Belle, and Zarina....and the kids.  We'll all help with them, we already do!  I don't expect you to run around like nothing ever happened, but you can't get so withdrawn." 
I didn't really think about her, Belle, and Zarina, and kind of felt terrible for it.  I just nodded.  "I promise I won't destroy myself, but....I just need time to come to terms with it and accept that he's not coming home.  Okay?"
Zelia bit her lip, giving me a critical gaze before finally sighing.  "Fine.  Promise?" 
"I promise," I took a deep, shuddering breath in and  held it for a few seconds, trying to calm my crying.  "But what will I do about Audrey?" 
"She'll come around." 
I hope she does. 


In other news, I'm also here to tell you guys that I talked with Zarina today, and she expressed an interest in blogging.  She's going to become a contributor on this blog, just to test the waters and see if she likes it.  This will also help me out, because I just can't juggle four little ones along with blogging, not right now, at least.  So you'll be hearing more from her; someday she may start her own blog, but for now she'll just post on here.  She'll, of course, label her posts to separate them from mine. 
I'm sure I'll talk to you guys sometime, though; don't worry.