Friday, June 13, 2014

A Rough Day

I woke up late, with the sun kissing my eyelids.  Eugene wasn't beside me, so I figured he was up with the kids.  I got dressed, brushed and braided my hair, and then hurried out from behind the cutout.
The kids were still asleep.  Eugene was nowhere too be found.
"E-Eugene?" I asked.  I repeated myself, getting louder and louder as my fear rose and the lump in my throat balled up.  Zelia peered around the divider, motioning for me to come over.  Her face was stricken with horror. 
I could hardly get my legs to move, but I did, and came face-to-face with Eugene.   My husband.  The love of my life.  The blank, lifeless stare captured my gaze; now cold and shallow instead of warm and kind.  I collapsed wordlessly in front of his box, too horrified to do anything except sob.



I flew upright with a gasping cry.
"Are you okay?  You were yelling my name in your sleep," my husband asked, peering at me.  I was too shaken by my dream to even force any words to come out, but eventually, I managed to ask what time it was.
"It's six," he said.  "You've been tossing and turning all night, but I woke you up when you were yelling for me.  What were you dreaming about?  You sobbed right when I started shaking your shoulder, but I thought it was just surprise."
I rubbed at my eyes and put a hand over my mouth, staring at him.  I prayed he could figure it out without me telling him.
His face softened, and the corners of his mouth drooped. "Boxes?"
Well, I guess that was the least morbid way to talk about it, so I nodded.
He silently pulled me into his arms, pressing a hand up against the back of my head when I buried my face in his shoulder to cry silently.  I was so scared.
After that, I couldn't go to sleep.  I was embarrassed that he had had to stay up with me because of my bad dream, but I still couldn't shake the fear that had clamped around me.  He didn't go back to sleep until I curled up beside him, so I stayed tucked under his arm. I didn't need to be pacing, anyway--I didn't want to wake the girls. 

 When Jordan woke up at eight, I was more than happy for an excuse to get up. 
I went out to the wicker chair and held her, humming quietly to her.  The other two girls were asleep, with Pascal curled up between them. 
Eugene came out about a half an hour later, giving me a kiss on the forehead as he scooped Jordan out of my arms.  "Did you go back to sleep for a little bit?" 
"No," I sighed. 
"I'm sorry," he gave me a concerned look, but turned back to Jordan when she cooed happily at him.  "Maybe you should go back to bed-"
"I won't be able to sleep, are you kidding me?  Every time I shut my eyes, I see...stuff I don't want to."  I muttered. 
He came over and shifted Jordan to one arm so he could rub one of my shoulders comfortingly with the other hand.  "If you need to talk, let me know, okay?" 
I shrugged, standing up as soon as I saw Audrey sitting up.  I didn't want to talk.  I didn't want to even THINK about their four blank faces, and if I talked about it, I would think about it.  Ugh! 


The day absolutely dragged.  The girls were hyper, so I was absolutely about ready to drop from exhaustion by the time they had settled down!
  Zelia came over around six, asking if she could spend the night.
"Do you mind, uh...i-if I stay over here tonight?  I couldn't sleep last night--"
"Join the crowd," I muttered.
"--because I sleep right by those boxes, and I...I couldn't sleep, I just couldn't."  I knew it was a lot for Zelia to tell us.  Of course, we both agreed to allow her to stay the night...which made Audrey and Casey excited.  They quickly got down to work teaching Aunty Z about this new game they had made up, which lasted until they had to go to bed. 

Once more, I couldn't sleep.  Shocker.  I crept out of bed around one, slipping out onto the windowsill.  I could at least stargaze if I couldn't sleep! 
Zelia soon found me. 
"You can't sleep, either?" 
"No," I sighed. 
"Mhm.  I know it's really insanely stupid, but every time I shut my eyes, I see--"
"Their faces," I finished.  "Their shallow, dead faces." 
"Yes," she said.  "Exactly.  I can't believe Tangled Fan can even LOOK at that!" 
"She probably can't see the hollow expressions in the same way we can.  She probably sees the cheery painted smiles and bright eyes, whereas we see hollow eyes and fake expressions," I reasoned.  There was no use in saying horrible things about Tangled Fan -- after all, she DID own all of us. 
She huffed.  "Well, she should know what it does to dolls, and she should know that we don't want to see that!" 
I nodded, and we stood in awkward silence until I heard a boot scuff. 
Swinging around, I saw Eugene. 
"Can't you ladies sleep?"
"I'm sorry, we didn't wake you, did we?"  I asked. 
"No," he shook his head and drew close to whisper.  "I was just wondering where my girl went."
Zelia looked rather unamused at his closeness to me, but she let it slide.  "Do you know who's really having a problem with it over there?  Ray." 
I choked.  "RAY?" 
"Yes!  He's been so...so sullen.  Hans and Kristoff were good pals to him for as long as they knew each other," she explained. 
"That's a shame," I sighed.  "It's hit all of us pretty hard, I guess.  Not every day that almost half of the entire population of a shelf is taken away-"
"And the rest is left to stare at their lifeless selves," Zelia added. 
I nodded, and Eugene slid an arm around my waist -- I'm not sure if he meant to or just did it subconsciously.
"I feel terrible that I talked to Anna in such a poor manner after...what she had done with reporting us for not taking care of our kids.  If I would've known that it was because of her...her knowing she wouldn't have a family of her own, I would've been a lot more understanding," he spoke up.  He tightened his grip around me as he spoke, and I'm pretty sure that it was subconsciously. 
This situation was hard on everyone...

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