Eugene -- my, uh...adventure....

-Eugene
Hey, everyone - Rapunzel wanted me to tell you guys that she and Zarina have not posted this week because... A) Tangled Fan's been hoarding the tablet  B ) Rapunzel's been wanting to spend time with the girls and I this week...so she feels slightly guilty for leaving you all hanging and C ) you'll hopefully be seeing some posts from the ladies sometime this weekend, maybe. 

Ahh, so I'm a lucky guy: four perfect kiddos and a beautiful wife, plus I just sort of lived through something most dolls don't, and I still have all of my limbs! 
Well, the morning I disappeared, the dogs were in the house.  They were getting fed, and that's a typically crazy time, so I slipped under a recliner until the madness died down.  As soon as the dogs had eaten and the food bowls taken away, I thought I could just slip out to talk to Tangled Fan.  Riiight.  One of the dogs -  a small, brown and white dog that appeared cute but was in reality a monster - saw me, and grabbed me around my midsection.  Being the dork I am, I froze up and couldn't even yell.  That's when all of the dogs suddenly needed outside - right after feeding time, of course - and in the barking, jostling, and bouncing madness, I got lost in the fray.  The dog still had me around the midsection, but Tangled Fan didn't even notice me as she opened the door and left all the dogs -and me - outside. 
Well, okay.  I could just yank away and be on my way, right? 
Nah, of course not. 
The one dog snarled at the dog carrying me, and in her anger, she dropped me.  I quickly rolled away, trying to go unseen, but that's when I failed to realize that I was by the edge of the ramp.  You see, the ramp is very long, and actually has three levels - I'm not sure how to explain it, but it zigzags - and I fell down to a lower level, and I guess that's when I was knocked out.

When I woke up, I was buried under a lot of dirt.  A lot.  It's a good thing that dolls can survive when they're mushed under things like plastic, other dolls in containers, or dirt - because if not, I would've been dead for sure. 
I don't know how long it took me to dig my way out from under the heavy dirt, but it was nighttime when I was out in the fresh air again.  It was really, really cold, and I didn't really know what to do with myself.  I'm thinking that I was probably under the dirt for at least a few days, if not a week. 
When I got out, I sat and thought.  I knew I'd need a hiding spot for when morning came and the dogs were left outside, but I had to wait until dawn to be able to see.  That was nerve-wracking.  That backyard is pretty big for people and dogs, so just imagine what it looked like to a doll a fifth the size of humans!  Massive.  That's how big - massive.  It takes almost a whole day to explore Tangled Fan's bedroom, right?  This backyard dwarfed her room.  I'm not even joking. 

So as soon as dawn came, I was able to make a run for the fort at the top of the swing set and slide that are set up for Tangled Fan's niece and nephew.  Let me tell you, that was a hard climb.  It was taller than the big shelving unit, remember the shelving unit?  The one Rapunzel fell off of that time?  It was slightly taller than that. 
Anyway, I got up there about an hour before the dogs invaded the backyard. 
The bad thing?  The stupid dogs were outside almost all day long.  I couldn't risk leaving my hiding spot, so I used the day to survey the backyard, checking out how I could move and be able to get to cover quickly, if need be.  One of the more interesting experiences of the day was when a cat came up to the fort, threw its food up, and then went in a corner, curling up to sleep the day away.  That was lovely.  (I'm oozing sarcasm here, in case anyone fails to realize that!)  But the plus side was that it came back to sleep there after its evening meal (and the food didn't come back to haunt her this time, which was a plus) and she allowed me to lay down beside her to sleep.  It had started raining, so I couldn't do anything, especially not in the dark.  The cat kept me nice and warm, at least! 
At the crack of dawn the next day, I left the fort via the slide.  It was still raining, but I couldn't just stand around forever - I needed to get back to my family. 
I didn't take into account that the backyard was probably bigger than it appeared when I had almost a bird's eye view (okay, so a bird's eye view for dolls).  I just barely made it to hide in the garden before the dogs went out.  I at least made it that far, and the rain soon left.  But then, I had the added risk of two of the Miniature Horses being left in the backyard.  I've never seen the likes:  using tiny horses for lawnmowers.  Hey, it works.  But I had to dodge hooves, especially since they were two young horses and liked to play a bit.  And walk clumsily through the garden, picking grass out from around the plants.  Yeesh. 
Well, at one point, I got too close to one of the horses, and he stepped on my feet.  Three hundred pound Miniature horse versus a 1/2 pound hunk of plastic, what do you think it's gonna do?  I managed to drag myself back to the slide and work my way up to the fort again, and by that time, I wasn't sure if I could ever walk again.  I was so sore everywhere, and my hip joints were about to give out. 
I made myself stay there for about...I don't even know how long, until I was able to walk again.  After that, I was super careful to watch out for horses as well as dogs.  Good grief! 
I know you're probably asking why no humans noticed I was here?  Well, it's because they don't generally tend to come down by the swing set unless it's the three-year-old nephew.  I met him when I was in the fort recovering...and when he attempted stomping on me to break me, I managed to climb up to the top beam, where the swings hang from.  It was evening before he left, so that was another day wasted. 
The next morning, I hoofed it for the garden once more. 
When I was back in the garden, I stayed there, despite some more rain.  It cleaned me up, anyway.  When the dogs would come around, I would just duck under some sprawling strawberry plants and flatten myself to the ground - they didn't even notice me.  When they were shut in for the night, I started to look around and revise my plan of action. 
As soon as it was light enough for me to see again, I made a quick run to the clothesline posts.  I was halfway through the yard, thank goodness.  As soon as I was there, I decided to go hide in the flower garden, which was really super close by.  There were a lot of nice, tall plants and ferns to hide under!  I would've picked some of the smaller flowers for Rapunzel and the girls, but I knew they'd wilt before I could get them to them. 
Anyway, I waited until the dogs were, once more, shut in for the night before I decided how I could climb to get to the doorknob - the only thing keeping me from getting into the house and being home free. 
By morning, I had that figured out.  There was a small table holding a potted plant near the door, so I took a flying leap and clung to the doorknob, twisting and squirming until it was open. 

Stupid me. 
That's where the dogs stay at night.
As soon as I realized that, I raced for and dove under the sink. 
One of the dogs saw me - an old, grumpy male - but he left me alone, trotting ahead to catch up with the others.  Whew. 
I was able to make my way through the laundry room in a day, and got into the downstairs family room, where I finally allowed myself to sleep for a little while, curled up at the top of the cat tower.  At least, until a cat came and, both irritated at my stealing his nap spot but also intrigued with me, batted me over the edge of the platform.  I was able to catch myself, luckily, and work my way down slowly.  Yeesh. 
Well, after that I crawled into the hammock-like part of the tower, and slept there.  Nobody bothered me, then. 
It took another day for me to creep through the family room; I thought I would be home free after that. 
Pshh, I forgot about the 'downstairs' part.  There were stairs.  A lot of them.  I managed, though; and after that, I could hardly walk once more.  As soon as I got upstairs, I hid behind the couch because those stinking dogs were inside once more.  When I was behind the couch, I slept for the day, hoping my legs would heal up by morning.  Even though they didn't, I still made my way through the hallway and got to Tangled Fan's bedroom, where I had to climb to open the door.  That about did me in....it wasn't easy. 
Then, I knew I was in the homestretch and at around nine-fifteen, I finally made it up onto the table, where I got attacked by two certain little girls that I'd missed a lot! 
So there you have it....a very condensed version, at least. 
It's good to be back. 

Last night's events...

At around nine last night, I was trying to get the girls to wind down for a story before bed.  It's no easy task to get two young girls and a baby settled by yourself, as you could imagine....but I'd been managing to do so.  Making up stories to tell to the girls seemed to do all of us good; it kept me thinking about other things, and they seemed to appreciate me finally picking up something Eugene had done quite often for them.  Even Audrey appreciated it.  Zachary even normally settled down to listen in, but he'd been tuckered out and had gone to bed early. 

 I'd just gotten everyone gathered up on the couch, with Pascal in Jordan's lap, and had begun my tale when we all heard someone coming up onto the table.  First, a large hand appeared, and then a head, and with a grunt, the mystery doll had heaved their body up onto the table.  Only...said doll wasn't a mystery doll.
It. 
Was. 
Eugene. 

He stood slowly and stiffly, and we all stared at him. My heart thundered, skipped, and squeezed in a mix of emotions tumbling over one another.  A gasp tore through me and I let my hand fly to my mouth.  Tears clouded my eyes, but I saw the two older girls scramble off of the couch and fling themselves at him.  Chuckling, he bent to pick them both up, kissing their foreheads and gushing over how much he'd missed them.  Jordan caught sight of him and giggled, clapping her hands and bouncing on her bottom. 
I wanted to grab him into a hug and never let go of him, but I waited my turn, watching as our girls welcomed their Daddy home.  My heart swelled, and I'm pretty sure I fell in love with him all over again, seeing how he laughed and hugged his girls a little tighter.  He looked up to catch my eye, and I dropped my hand from my mouth to smile tearfully at him.  He winked, giving me that beautiful smile I'd missed so much, and then ducked his head again to kiss his daughters' foreheads.
He took as long as he needed with Audrey and Casey.  No way were they going to sleep anytime soon, I imagined!  But after a little bit, they let go of him and wanted to know what kind of stories he was sure to have brought back with him.
"I'll tell you all a little bit, but after that, you have to promise to go to sleep then so you can wake up bright and early in the morning to hear the rest of it, okay?  It's you guys' bedtime already," he told them, and they reluctantly agreed.  "That's my girls.  Now, you two go get settled on the couch while I say hello to your momma, okay?"
They agreed, their faces shining with anticipation and happiness, and my heart leaped into my throat when he met my eyes.  Standing up, I made my way almost shyly over to him, not quite sure I even believed that he was alive and home.  He reached out for my hands and gave me an expression of sheer adoration.
"Boy, is it good to see you..." he grinned. 
I smiled shyly.  "You have no idea.  I love you so much."  Unable to contain myself one more second, I grabbed him into a tight hug, and he reached to do the same; pulling me as close as possible.  I smiled into his shoulder; his mere touch enrapturing me.  I could've remained in that embrace forever, but I let him slip away after only a few seconds. 
"We'll talk later," he promised quietly, adding a soft kiss on my cheek for good measure.
I nodded before following him to the couch. 
When he sat, he scooped Jordan up into his arms, despite the two girls vying for spots on his lap.  When he managed to get all three squeezed onto his lap, he finally realized he was missing someone and looked up at me, his eyes widening with concern. 
"Where's the little guy?" 
"He's sleeping in bed," I reassured him, and he nodded, letting his shoulders lower in relief before slipping into a very simple version of the beginning of his adventures; it was enough to captivate the girls, though, and they were reluctant to go to bed when the first part of his story came to a close at approximately eleven o' clock....despite their tiredness.  We got them to bed, though, and I quickly slipped behind the cutout to get changed for bed while he watched Zachary sleep for a few minutes.
I'd just gotten the bed made when I felt two strong arms grab me round my waist, and he leaned his chin on my shoulder.  I didn't even try to keep the smile off of my face.
"Ready for bed?  I can't wait until tomorrow....I'm hoping Zachary lets me at least hold him for a few seconds.  You'll need to catch me up on everything," he whispered. 
I smiled a bit wider, turning around in his arms to face him.  "Mmhmm...I will, but you have to catch ME up first.  And no promises with Zach letting you hold him, but we'll see.  He's gotten a little better!"
He grinned, cupping my cheeks in his hands.  He opened his mouth to say something, but I snaked my arms around his neck and pulled him into a kiss before he could start his sentence.  He dropped his hands from my face and instead let them slide down my sides before resting around my waist, pulling me closer.  When our lips parted, he met my eyes with a loving expression. 
"I missed you," he said quietly, bumping his forehead against mine. I gave him another teary-eyed smile, and he dropped a couple quick kisses onto my brow before leading me over to the edge of the bed.  He sat down and collected me up into his lap for a couple of minutes.  "Now...before I get into what all happened, I want to warn you before I forget:  I might have some nightmares, and I'll probably be up through the night.  Don't worry, though, okay?  And I apologize in advance if I wake you up....I've been, uh...having pretty bad ones.  Nightmares, I mean," he admitted sheepishly. 
I nodded, my brows furrowing.  What had he gone through?!
I won't include his tale in here right now; he said he would post it himself on here very soon. It was one in the morning before he  finally finished the tale, so it's a long one.

When he finally finished, he stretched his back with a grunt.  "Climbing so much really did me in. Basically every inch of my body aches!" I nodded empathetically, staring at him with concern.  He caught on and smiled at me, reaching over to kiss the tip of my nose.  "I'll be fine.  But enough about me.  What's been going on here?  Or are you too tired?" 
I shrugged.  Quite honestly, I was beyond tired, but at the same time, I was so happy and excited that I probably COULDN'T sleep.  If that makes sense...have you ever had that feeling? "I don't know if I'll be able to sleep, but I'm sure you're really tired, huh?" 
"You bet.  But why won't you be able to sleep?"  he flopped down on his side, reaching behind him with one hand to rub at what must've been a particularly sore spot on his back. 
"Well, for one, I'm excited because I thought I'd never see you again-"
"Why'd you think that?  How long was I gone?"  he asked, quirking a brow. 
"Almost a month...I-I thought you were dead.  We all did," I muttered, dropping my gaze away from him to my lap when I felt my eyes fill with tears.  Just thinking about it got me upset.
His eyebrows furrowed.  "Oh, honey...c'mere." 
I shook my head.  "I'll be fine.  I'm sorry,"
"About what?" 
"It was my fault.  If it weren't for me, you wouldn't have been going to talk to Tangled Fan, and--"
"Hey.  Enough of that!  You and the girls are the only reason I stayed determined enough to come home, just for the record." 
I swallowed, nodding.  When I knew I was composed once more, I smoothed the blanket over him like I always did before curling underneath them myself, turning on my side to face away from him, at least until I was positive I could look at his face without crying.  Within a couple of seconds, he pulled me close up against him, tucking some hair away from my ear before slipping an arm snugly around my midsection.  I put my own hand over his, lacing my fingers with his and sighing shakily. Oh, how I'd missed him!  But he wasn't about to go to sleep quite yet--of course not.
"You blamed yourself the entire time I was gone, right?"  he whispered.
"Mmmh...It doesn't matter, rest up,"
He sighed in frustration.  "I don't know why you blame yourself for everything...it was the dog's fault, honey.  How can I be so crazy over you if you're so frustrating?" he teased.
I giggled quietly.  "Sorry." 
Chuckling, he cuddled up just a little closer to me before going to sleep.

I woke up at around 3 in the morning to Eugene tossing and turning, mumbling and breathing as though he was running a marathon.  His face was pinched and worried, so I propped myself up on one elbow and started shaking his shoulder, talking quietly to try to get him to wake up out of the nightmare.  With a gasp, he finally woke up and shot straight upright in bed.  I quickly sat up, too, and put a hand on his shoulder a moment before pulling him into a hug.
"It's just a nightmare," I whispered.  "You're okay." 
He buried his face into the crook of my neck, much like the kids do when they're upset, scared, or tired, and my heart squeezed with empathy.  I gave him a couple of quick kisses behind his ear and rested my cheek up against his head, keeping my arms around him until he calmed down.  When he finally pulled out of the hug, he took a deep, shuddering breath. 
"Did I wake you?" he whispered.
"It's fine," I said quietly, reaching to smooth his collar. 
"I'll go sleep on the couch--" he started to leave the bed, and I grabbed his arm. 
"Um, no you're not!"
"I don't want to wake you, though...you--"
"I don't care, Eugene; you're sleeping in bed.  It'll be better for your joints, too." I added. 
Plus, I didn't care about being woken up; the love of my life was home after almost a month--like fun I cared if he woke me up having a nightmare!  He took another deep breath, and I reached to give him another quick hug before he settled  back down under the blanket.  I curled up with the blanket up to my chin, and he reached to pull me close to him once again, sucking in another deep breath that was no less shuddering than the one before. Within minutes, I was back asleep, but I don't know about him.  

Zarina's Notes--Rapunzel and Her Brood

Hey, guys-it's Zarina.
Yesterday was Zachary's one-month birthday.  Obviously, Rapunzel didn't throw a party or anything for it, but it was a milestone of sorts.  He had been so weak and premature when he was born that it was kind of a big thing that he'd reached one month old and was going strong.
Rapunzel didn't do anything special for him, but she just held him a lot yesterday.  That was enough to please him for the day!  He's not been getting near as much attention as he'd like, not since Eugene's death.
Today, I went over to talk to Rapunzel and help her with her kids.
She was especially down today, I mean...she's been in the dumps since the 23rd, but she was really bad today.
Audrey was at one end of their side of the table, with Pascal, and Casey was hanging around her mother.  Jordan was amusing herself, and Rapunzel was holding a whimpering Zachary.
I cleared my throat.  "Need help?"
She looked up, alarmed, but quickly answered me.  "Oh!  Hello.  Uh...yeah, if you're not busy."
"Me, busy?" I shook my head, kneeling down to talk to Casey, who had come over and promptly started pleading with me to play with her.

I played with Casey and helped with Jordan until their four o' clock nap.  Rapunzel toted a fussy Zachary around and tried to talk to Audrey, which failed hugely.
When they were all settled for their naps, Rapunzel thanked me.
"You don't have to come over and help, Zarina.  I mean, you've only been here about a month, you've got things to do and people to get acquainted with.  I appreciate it s lot, though," she added quickly.
"It's fine.  I enjoy helping out over here...those individuals on the other side are complete jerks.  If I'm not over here, I'm sitting on Tangled Fan's old saddle by myself, usually reading.  So no biggie," I said, "but I do wonder why you're so down today.  What's up?"
Rapunzel shook her head, dropping her gaze to her lap.  Her pained eyes spoke volumes.  "He, uh....one year ago today, I met Eu-Eugene.  Of all things, I fell--we were over on that shelving unit over there," she gestured vaguely.  "Of all things, I'd fallen and caught myself on the electric cord of an alarm clock that was there at the time.  This..this random guy helped me up, a-and I was so shy and embarrassed, but he was, too...and somehow, out of that, we kindled a friendship and...and then got married." she gulped, fighting for composure.  I felt bad for asking her why she was so upset.
"Oh...I'm so sorry," I said quietly.
She shook her head.  "It's... It's fine.  I-I...Zarina, do you ever feel like if you'd never met someone, the other person would have benefitted?"
I shook my head.  I'd only been here a month, after all.
But I could see where she was heading with it.
"At least...I mean, going off of what back story Zelia provided me with at one point...at least you had each other for that amount of time.  I mean, he loved you.  He would've been lonely without you."
"But he'd still be alive," she rubbed at her nose and wouldn't look at me.
"Living a crappy and lonely life," I added.  I didn't say any more.
She nodded silently.  When she didn't say anything more, just staring at her lap, I decided that I had failed at trying to make her feel better and I needed to just leave.

What's Been Up

Hey, everyone.  It's Rapunzel...just popping in really quickly this morning before the kids get up.  I miss you guys. 
I'm trying to help Zarina learn how to get photos up on the blog, so you might get some pictures sometime soon - not sure, though.  They take awhile to load on the page, and she gets bored with it and quits - it's almost kind of amusing, actually!  She gives up way too quickly, though.  Anyway, updates on the kids..okay.  Let's see.
It stormed a couple of times last weekend, and apparently, my little boy has a similar fear of storms.  Poor little guy.  It doesn't help when he can probably sense that I'm scared, too, but I try really hard not to be. 
Casey has been giving Audrey a wide berth, usually hanging out with me or Ray.  Audrey hangs out exclusively with Zelia or Belle or goes by herself - she won't even acknowledge when I talk to her anymore.  I can't stand that...I wish I could do something for her. 
And last but definitely not least, Jordan's at least been a happy little girl.  She's pretty much the only light in this awfulness; she brings everyone's spirits up with her giggling and how she amuses herself. 

Belle has been coming over quite a bit to help out; usually in the evenings when Audrey absolutely will NOT go to bed for me.  She's been such a good help, and I feel terrible that I haven't thanked her properly yet. 
Ray and Zelia are almost always over here anymore, which is, of course, greatly appreciated, and Zarina comes over as well.  Casey's really taken to Zarina  -- which doesn't surprise me much.  I'm glad that Zarina takes the time to hang out with Casey.  That poor kid's been through so much, she needs someone to just play and have fun with.  Of course, Zarina's an adult and she's a little girl, but they get along anyway, and Zarina won't think twice about playing with her.   
Pascal's back to sticking to me like glue; like he did around this time last year.  GOSH. I can't believe that on the thirteenth of this month -- Saturday, to be exact --, I was meeting that gorgeous, perfect guy for the first time.  
Yesterday evening, Tangled Fan gave me a book (The Giver) and a flashlight, so I read a good bit of it last night.  Couldn't sleep anyway....but reading only made me miss him worse at first.  And I just couldn't help but think about all the little things I miss.  How he would hold one edge of the book and I would hold the other; how he'd get distracted and I'd catch him staring at me instead of reading.  How he'd let me cuddle up against him, how he'd kiss the top of my head and whisper 'an I love you' into my hair in the middle of reading.  How we used to spend hours reading together. 
I miss him. 
Don't get me wrong, The Giver is an excellent book so far, but I kept getting distracted, thinking about him. 
Tonight, though, I'm almost excited to read some more.  I'm hoping that throwing myself deeper into a utopia of propaganda will drown out my thoughts.  Hm.  The people in The Giver can't feel anything...that sounds pretty darn great right about now.  Honestly, the kids are the only reason I haven't gone completely insane.  Yet. 
Anyway...I'm sure you'll hear from Zarina again soon, hopefully with pictures.  I'll update you guys sometime again here. 

Zarina's Notes: Meet the Boys ....er....Meet Them Again.

Hey guys...it's Zarina, in case you missed the title. How's your day been going?  Mine started out pretty epic.  Captain America: The Winter Soldier came out on DVD today.  While I'll have to wait until Tangled Fan gets the movie, I'm definitely going to be watching it the absolute second I can. 
Welcome to the geek side of me.

Today, Tangled Fan brought Hans and Kristoff out of their boxes.
Weeell, JC Penney's dolls are evidently different, and the reboxing side effects are different.  Never knew that.
Hans thinks his name is Fitz, and he even has a Scottish accent to boot...pretty neat.
Kristoff thinks his name is Logan, but his voice kept the normal accent, at least.

When they crawled up onto this side of the table, everyone just stared.  Of course, the attention seeking Ariel immediately went all mushy over the both of them, which was flat out disgusting.  Logan...eer Kristoff...you know, I'm just gonna call them by their new names, it'll make life easier.  Anyway, Logan was all for it, but Fitz acted really shy and just hung back. I got irritated with Ariel's antics pretty quickly, though, and so I left to go sit on the window.

Rapunzel, to my surprise, was already sitting up there.
"Oh!--Um, I'll...I'll go.  Sorry, didn't see you were already up here," I explained awkwardly, letting my hair cover my face.  I don't even know why I was awkward about it, I mean...she's my friend, and I see her and help her with her kids almost every day. 
"No, it's fine, stay for a bit!" Rapunzel reassured me, so I sat down and stared out of the window a couple of minutes.  "What's up?" she soon asked.

I looked up from my lap to see the widow's face.  Pale, the dark rings circling her eyes popped out even more than they had yesterday.  Her hair was a little messy, and a smile hadn't spread across her pale lips in more than two weeks. The woman had lost her husband, who was I to complain?
"Nothing, just needed some fresh air," I told her.
"Have Hans and Kristoff come back yet?" I had told her about Tangled Fan's plan.
I nodded, and quickly told her about their personality changes, hoping to amuse her.  It didn't work.
"That's nice, actually.  They were pretty terrible when they first came here.  Let me guess, Ariel is all over them?"
My eyebrows shot up in surprise.  "Um...yeah.  That's why I came over here,"
She nodded quietly.  "I see.  Well, stay up here as long as you'd like.  I'll be leaving when the kiddos get up,"
I bit my lip, nodding as well.  "Do you need help with them?  I'm free, obviously." 
She shook her head.  "Thank you for the offer, Zarina, but you helped yesterday.  You need a break!" 
I didn't really need a break, but I agreed and just went back over to my side of the table, feeling slightly better than I had when I'd left. 
Zelia came over to me as soon as came back.
"I'm going to go see my sister.  Make sure that fool keeps in line," Zelia shot a glance back to Ariel, and I nodded.  Now how exactly did she expect me to keep her in line?  Good luck with that, Zelia.  Just so you know, I can't. 
And Ariel demonstrated that fact as soon as Zelia left.  She cornered me, which was fairly easy to do because I was curled up in the corner with Tangled Fan's copy of The Hobbit. 
"Don't try anything.  They wouldn't be interested in you anyway," Ariel hissed. 
I glanced up from the book.  "What?" 
"Don't try anything, blond. As in, Logan is mine." 
I shrugged.  "I wasn't planning on 'trying anything', Ariel."
She glanced down at my book.  "What're you reading?" 
"The Hobbit," I said.  Was she actually interested?
 Her lips twisted into a cruel smile. "I guess I wouldn't have to worry, anyway.  Nobody would look twice at a little nerd like you."  And with that, she left. 
I sighed, trying not to let her get to me, but I could hardly follow the words filling the pages, because my eyes were filling with hot tears. 

Zarina's Notes - About Me

Soo....hey guys.  I'm Zarina; I'm sure (or at least really hoping) that Rapunzel told you all that I'd be posting here a little bit?  If not...well, I am.  Just for a little bit, I promise; I may or may not get a blog of my own someday if I'm not dropdead boring. 
Well...I guess for this first post, I should tell you all what I'm like. 
In a word...introverted.
Very, very introverted.  So of course, that makes me the biggest target on this universe for bullying, and yes bullying exists amongst dolls, and...yeah.  You get the gist, right?  Rapunzel and Belle are the two I typically go to if I need to talk to someone; everyone else basically loathes my existence, or so it seems. 
Poor Rapunzel, though...seriously.  I can't even imagine losing a loved one.  She's just so heartbroken....I wish I could do something for her, because she's been there for me when I needed someone the most, but I just don't know what to say or do for her to make her feel better.  I don't think anything helps.  It doesn't help that her daughter is kinda turned against her to boot, though.
Anyway, I apologize if I start rambling on random topics as I write.  It's just kind of something I do - although talking about Rapunzel and her family isn't necessarily random, since it is her blog, after all.  But regardless...Ummm...
Basically, all you need to know about me is that I've been here for about three weeks (almost four), and it's been full of bullies and cruel jokes (Punzie, Ariel, I'm looking at both of you.) Annnnd I'm also a pretty big nerd, and can research stuff about movies and books for ages online. 

A bit of news you might be interested in is that Tangled Fan is planning on bringing Hans and Kristoff back out of their boxes, something about the fact that she doesn't have room for them in their boxes anymore?  Regardless, the Anna and Elsa ones are still staying in the boxes because of their joints.  Anyway, I guess she decided that it wouldn't hurt the guys any because they wouldn't remember the girls or anything...so they wouldn't be 'looking at their blank and mindless wives every day'.  That's both the good and the bad thing about getting put back in your box: you can forget everything.  I suppose the only reason I feel like it's a good thing is because I sometimes wish I could be put in my box again, just to take away all the insults and nastiness I've faced these past few weeks of my life. 

But enough about me.  I'll probably be posting....hmm...I really don't know how often I'll post, but I'll be around.  I'll talk to you guys later...and if you don't read any more of my posts, well, that's okay too, because I can totally see why you wouldn't! 

What's Been Up...

Hey guys...I apologize for not posting anything since...you know.
It's been a very long week and a half .  I don't know if I'll ever be the same again.  The girls have been swinging from fighting to crying nearly constantly.  Rather, Audrey does all the crying and instigates all the fighting.  Casey just doesn't know what to do; I don't either, and I'm scared that she'll run away.  Audrey has developed an extreme hatred for me, I've never seen a child with such anger aimed towards someone.  Zachary has had to learn that momma can't always carry him around, such as when I'm breaking up a fight or taking care of Jordan, and so he's been really upset and that makes me feel even worse.  He's somewhat learned to let Zelia hold him, but he doesn't like it.  And if Ray tries to hold him...let's not even mention that.

Yesterday morning at around six, I heard a small, whimpering cry.  I suppose at this point I should say that I was up this early because I have hardly slept since the 24th. Between worrying about the kids and thinking about him...I'll sleep when I'm in a trash can somewhere.
Anyway, I heard a cry that was not from either of the babies.  Stumbling out of bed, I crept out from behind the cutout to go check things out.
Casey was curled in a ball in their bed, her little shoulders heaving.  Pascal was watching her with a concerned expression, and glanced up helplessly at me.
I knelt beside the bed and put a hand over her shoulder.  "Casey, sweetie..."
She jumped, sitting up to look at me with her red, watery eyes.  Sniffling, she dipped her head in what seemed to be shame.  "I-I tried, mom...I tried not to c-cry.  I knew it would m-make you sad and...and Daddy wouldn't want me t-to...but I-I couldn't keep it i-in anymore..I-I'm sorry-"
I scooped her out of bed and carried her to my own bed. "Don't you apologize, honey.  It's...it's okay to cry.  It's not good for you to bottle it all up inside, so you cry all you need to.  I'm sorry, baby.  I'm so sorry."  I was struggling to keep my own composure, but when she buried her face into my chest and sobbed quietly, I couldn't keep it together anymore.  She cried herself to sleep, and I cried with her.  When her heartbroken sniffles faded into a shuddering sigh, I laid her down beside me and watched her sleep, keeping her close.

At eight when Zachary announced his waking with a loud cry, I got up once more.  All of the girls woke after that, and at eight-thirty, Zelia and Belle came over unexpectedly.  Zelia's been helping a lot, and I fully appreciate it, but she hadn't said anything about coming over today.

"Belle and Ray are going to take the kids to the other side to play for a little while, and you and I are going to have  a talk,"  were the first words from my sister's mouth.
"What?"  I asked.  Before she could repeat herself, I continued.  "I mean...do you really think they're going to want to play or go anywhere yet?"
"Yes," Audrey piped up.  "I wanna go somewhere where you aren't!"
I gasped, but I really should have expected it.  "Audrey..."
"No!  Don't talk.  I don't wanna talk to the person that's at fault for why my Daddy's gone!"
Casey sucked in a deep breath, but I grabbed her up before she could say anything to Audrey to defend me. 
I couldn't even think of anything to say. 
Zelia did, though.  "Audrey!  That's enough.  Apologize to your mother!" 
That's when she looked me dead in the eyes and said "I don't want to.  I don't want to call her my mother anymore, either."
I gasped.  "Audrey!  I-I'm trying my best.  I know you hate me and I know you miss Daddy, but can't you understand that I'm trying?  I miss him, too, I miss him so much. I know it's my fault, but I don't need you to remind me every single day!  I know it's hard, but can you please j-just....just accept that nothing's going to change and that you're going to be stuck with me?"  Maybe I was a little hard on her, but I didn't know how else to get her attention.  I handed Casey to Belle and then knelt to set my hands on Audrey's shoulders, meeting her reluctant brown eyes.  "Please?"
She looked conflicted for a moment, but then her eyes hardened and she pulled away from me and turned to leave with Belle, who had set Casey down and gone to get Jordan.
I stayed on my knees and stared as Belle and the girls left me alone with Zelia and Zachary.
When they were gone, a sob ripped through me.  "What am I going to do, Zelia?  My own daughter hates me!" 
She knelt beside me and pulled me into a hug.  "I'm sorry.  And I'm sorry, but we're going to have a long talk." 
I pulled away from her.  "N-no...I don't expect you to comfort me or to understand what I'm going through.  P-please..."
"But I'm your sister, and I'm the only family you have left, aside from the kids.  So spill it - talking will help you.  First off, you blame yourself?" 
"Y-yes.  He was going to talk with Tangled Fan about taking me for a walk outside, after all.  If it hadn't have been for me, he'd still be here.  And I can't help but feel that maybe when I broke up with him before we got married....m-maybe I'd been right.  He'd still be around.  I wouldn't know him, but he'd be safe.  Zelia, that wonderful, caring guy is gone because of ME!"  I fairly shouted, I was so furious with myself.  That scared Zach, who had been sleeping, and he started whimpering fearfully.  I stood up quickly and went over to him, scooping up and holding him close.  "I'm sorry.  I'm so sorry, baby.  Shh...Momma's sorry."  I bit back a sob.  I was a horrible mother.  I couldn't even do that right. 
Zelia wouldn't back down on the subject, though. 
"Rapunzel, it's not your fault or his.  It's those stupid dogs' faults.  And if he wouldn't have known you?  It would've destroyed him.  It would've destroyed you, too.  I saw you.  You gave each other a year of precious union, despite the trials you both faced.  It isn't your fault!"
"Yes it is," I whispered.  The tears were streaming down my cheeks, and I wanted to scream, to drop to my knees and cry...to collapse and never get back up again. The longer time dragged on, the more I felt alone; the longer I felt I couldn't get through this. 
Zelia grabbed my shoulders, and I get the feeling that she would've given me a good shaking if it weren't for Zachary.  "Stop it.  Snap yourself out of this, now.  I can see it in your eyes, I can see the light disappearing and I don't want to see you dead...dead inside.  Your kids need you.  You need to do this for him, you need to be the best mother you can be." 
I twisted away from her.  "Maybe I should p-put them up for adoption, then.  I'm..I'm a horrible mother.  I-I can't even imagine losing them, and it would tear me apart, but...but I have to think about what's best for THEM, right?  Not me." 
Zelia huffed, obviously disgusted with me.  "Is this all you can do?  Is...is belittling yourself all you can do?  Because those kids love you--"
"Did you hear Audrey?" 
"She'll get over it!  You and I both know that.  Are you really telling me that you'd look Casey in the eyes and tell her she's going back up for adoption, rather than sticking through and knowing that this is just the dark before the dawn?" 
I fell silent a moment, staring down at Zach's blank, sightless gaze. How could I have thought such a thing?  Shipping them all off for adoption wouldn't be the best for them.  They needed me...and I needed them.  I shook my head, tears dripping from my nose as I hung my head.  "I'm an idiot,"
"No, you just don't think clearly when you're faced with a scary situation.  I do the same thing, so it's not just you.  But...please, don't let this dark cloud consume you.  I can see it happening, and I don't like it.  You need to start getting out and doing stuff, instead of moping and thinking about him." 
I shook my head.  "I can't...not yet.  I-"
"You have to."  Zelia said firmly. 
I swallowed, moving to lay Zach back down into his bed.  "Don't you see, Zelia?  I'm back to where I was last year, only I have four children that depend on me.  I can't just go around like nothing ever happened." 
"You aren't, though!  You have me, and Belle, and Zarina....and the kids.  We'll all help with them, we already do!  I don't expect you to run around like nothing ever happened, but you can't get so withdrawn." 
I didn't really think about her, Belle, and Zarina, and kind of felt terrible for it.  I just nodded.  "I promise I won't destroy myself, but....I just need time to come to terms with it and accept that he's not coming home.  Okay?"
Zelia bit her lip, giving me a critical gaze before finally sighing.  "Fine.  Promise?" 
"I promise," I took a deep, shuddering breath in and  held it for a few seconds, trying to calm my crying.  "But what will I do about Audrey?" 
"She'll come around." 
I hope she does. 


In other news, I'm also here to tell you guys that I talked with Zarina today, and she expressed an interest in blogging.  She's going to become a contributor on this blog, just to test the waters and see if she likes it.  This will also help me out, because I just can't juggle four little ones along with blogging, not right now, at least.  So you'll be hearing more from her; someday she may start her own blog, but for now she'll just post on here.  She'll, of course, label her posts to separate them from mine. 
I'm sure I'll talk to you guys sometime, though; don't worry.