Flynn...Again...and A Talk.

I'm going to link Zarina's post HERE so you can read about the changes Tangled Fan made.  We have the entire table, now; except Logan, Ray, and Fitz live on the table, too.  They're pretty good, though; Logan usually spends his time out and about, but Ray sticks around with us.  Fitz, for some reason, feels the need to help with the kids.  It's so funny - he was so volatile of a doll when he was "Hans", but now, since he's been out of the box (under the name of Fitz...it's so strange how different the JC Penney's dolls changed!) he's been so kind and shy.  It's amazing!  Audrey's really taken to him. 

Anyway, with that said...Flynn finally got what's been about a year in the making. 
All week, since the 31st, to be exact, he's been harassing me.  Calling me horrible things, saying I'm worthless, saying that Eugene's an idiot and that if he had half of a brain, he would've ignored me like the rest of doll population did back then, saying negative things about our kids and our parenting skills...You name it.  I didn't tell Eugene because...I mean, seriously.  He's probably sick and tired of hearing about complaints over a guy I knew a year ago.  I'M tired of hearing from a guy I knew a year ago!  Ugh.  Regardless.   
I went off on him, after I got a message reading only this:
"Too bad you didn't die when you were delivering your baby.  It's a shame nothing happened to your child, as well.  Such a useless doll, since he's blind.  Of course, coming from a doll like you, he couldn't be anywhere near perfect, now, could he?"  
I found this at about ten AM this morning. 
I couldn't go off on him then, because the kids were up and I was semi-busy with Zachary himself, but once they settled down for their four PM naps, you bet I sent him an email. 
I told him everything I'd ever wanted to tell him.  Maybe I ended up a little harsh, but...I'm sick of it.  Between him and Ariel, I've been experiencing that awful feeling of worthlessness again, and I can't bum around with that.  I've got four kiddos, and I can't be distracted from them, especially over something as STUPID as their opinions!  It makes me mad that I fall into their traps.  But regardless, I'll stop ranting about that and give you the message I wrote him.
"Flynn, I don't know what you want, but you will not get it.  If you're trying to break me, it won't happen, I won't let it.  I was wrong to love you, I knew that as soon as I left the old place.  You might think that I can't remember all the things that you did, but I can.  I can remember almost everything again, which is great.
You know, you are nothing to me.  Your opinions....they can't affect me as well as they did before.  Why?  I have a family.  I'm not alone.  I have a husband who helps me every step of the way.  You might think he doesn't hold a candle to you, but the reverse is true:  YOU don't hold a candle to HIM.  I'd prefer it if you stop insulting him. 
If you send me one more thing about my children, I'm going to get in contact with your wife.  I don't know how, but I will.  You might think she already knows you inside and out, but I knew you longer than she did.  Remember, I can tell her all the things you never wanted her to know.  I know she doesn't like me, but you don't want me to open that can of worms, now, do you? 
Oh, and that little bit about Zachary being imperfect, and 'too bad he didn't die because he's blind'?  He's just fine the way he is.  We love him, and we'll never let that get in the way of how we treat or feel about him.  He's our son. 
Sure, call me whatever you want, say I'm a freak, a loser, an ugly piece of plastic, the most abhorrent doll you ever knew, tell me you wished I had died....but don't you dare say one word about my children or my husband.  Thank you.  If you're planning on emailing back, don't.  I'll figure out your wife's email address next." 
When I punched send, I was filled with a tumult of emotions:  mostly anger, irritation, relief, and more anger...I took a deep breath and huffed it back out, trying to calm myself. 
Eugene popped his head in behind the cutout.  "Hey, is something wrong?" 
"Hm?  Oh!  No, no...nothing's wrong.  What's up?"  I asked, trying to change the subject.  I let the tablet lean up against the bed and looked up at him. 
He strode over and sat down beside me.  "I could hear you huffing around, and I was worried that I'd said something.  I wasn't entirely sure WHAT I'd said that could've set you off, but I wanted to make sure nonetheless." 
I gave him a halfhearted smile.  "No...you didn't make me mad, don't worry." 
"Then what's the matter?  I know something is," he told me.  "I've been wanting to talk to you all week, because I know something's been bothering you, but we just haven't had the privacy to lately." 
I sighed.  I wanted to tell him, but I didn't at the same time...have you ever felt that way?  "Um...Flynn's been emailing me again.  A lot...since the 31st of September."  I bit my lip and paused, looking down at my lap before I spilled it. 

I told him every detail about every little thing.  When I was done, he shook his head. "I can't believe him.  Do you want me to email him?" 
"No.  I sent him a...heh...a lengthy email telling him what I've been wanting to tell him for a really long time."  I sighed again. ( I'm starting to think that today, sighing is my choice way of expressing my emotions.  Sigh.)  "Although...if I would have told him EVERYTHING I thought about him..."
He chuckled.  "That's an email I'd like to see." 
"I just hope I didn't come off as mean." 
My hubby shook his head.  "After all he did to you - after all he's still doing to you--and you're still concerned about being mean?  You're...you're something else.  If I were you, I would've broken his heart and crushed his soul." 
"Maybe I should have.  I'm too soft." 
"No, you're just kind.  You know what it feels like to be treated that way, and no matter who it is, you don't want them to feel the same way.  Right?" 
I shrugged.  "I guess....I should stop being like that.  But there are a lot of things I need to stop being like--"
"Like what?" 
I snorted.  "Have you looked at me lately?  I'm a slob.  I'm still clumsy.  I'm too soft, and if I were harder on people, maybe they'd leave me alone.  I leave a lot to be desired in the appearance department.  I'm too insecure, sensitive, and I can't let things roll off my back...everyone's right about me."   My husband looked so upset at that point.  I felt terrible for obviously making him feel that way.   "I-I'm sorry, I shouldn't have even said anything...I-"
He shook his head.  "No, babe.  Don't feel that way.  I'm so sorry I didn't talk to you sooner-"
"It's fine," I looked down at my lap, holding my breath for a few seconds before letting it all out in a big rush, waiting for a response.  When he remained silent, I bit my lip, wondering if I'd finally annoyed him too much.  But then he spoke up. 
"Sweet girl...everything you said about yourself is just...it's not important.  First of all, everyone is wrong about you.  Yes, they think you're a klutz.  Yes, they think you're less than impressive in the looks and dress departments.  Yes, they think you're too lax, and therefore, they can say anything and have you feel like crap.  But they're wrong, Rapunzel.  They're so wrong...I wish you could see yourself from my eyes.  You're not too lax.  You're one of the strongest people I know.  Sure, you break down every once in awhile, but you're so strong.  You carry a lot of things around with you; all these nasty comments, plus the daily adventures of being a mother and wife...you're strong.  You only break after you get a huge load of all this rudeness and childish behavior piled on, like now.  I knew something was wrong, but to have you put up with that and not even cry or say anything once?!  And yes you're a little clumsy, but it's okay.  I am too; everyone has their oopsies every once in awhile.  You say you're too sensitive, but you know what?  If you're insensitive, then you're like Ariel.  And gosh, Rapunzel, you're so beautiful.  If I were unmarried and had the choice between you and...and Ariel or...or Belle, or...I don't know, Emma...I'd choose you.  I'd always choose you."  he took a deep breath and cupped my face in his hands for a second.  "And do you really think I care how you dress?  You're fine." 
I bit my lip.  "But Ariel and Flynn both said that I was so ugly and dressed crappily.  I felt bad, of course, because...I mean...I don't know.  I'm sure going from a guy's point of view, Ariel's style is much--"
"Ariel's style is way overbearing...yeesh," he shuddered, trying to get a smile out of me.  It didn't work.  "Do you think I'd choose skirts slit way up the sides and seriously low-slung dresses over how my best gal dresses?  Modesty is beautiful, remember," he winked. 
I shrugged.  "I know..I'm just being--I don't even know.  Weird." 
"No, not weird.  It's pretty normal for individuals to let negativity get to them.  That's why you have me,"
"I'm sorry, though.  I hate having to load all this onto you.  You shouldn't have to give me these pep talks every time someone says something bad to me," I licked my lips and looked back down to my hands, which were clasped on my lap. 
He thought for a second, but the next thing I knew, he was gathering me into his lap, cradling me in his arms.  "That's right.  I wouldn't have to, but it's my choice.  There's nothing I would rather do, nowhere I'd rather be, and nobody I'd rather be with.  You're everything to me, and I'm fine with giving you those pep talks every once in awhile.  Okay?" 
I teared up.  Of course I knew that, but I still felt bad for making him have to listen to all my troubles.  Nodding, I tried to keep my tears from spilling.  "Okay.  I know..."
He bumped his forehead against mine, kissing the tip of my nose.  "I love you.  And please...if Flynn starts emailing you again, let me know right away, okay?" 
I nodded.  "I will.  Love you,"
He gave my shoulders a squeeze, which made my heart squeeze, too.  I didn't deserve a guy like him.  We just sat quietly for a few minutes, and he was the first to speak up again.  "Are you feeling any better about anything?" 
I nodded, pulling away enough to meet his eyes.  "Yeah...thank you.  Thanks for putting up with me,"
He chuckled quietly.  "My pleasure, m'lady." 
That got a grin out of me.  "I haven't heard that one in awhile." 
"Mmmhm...and I got a grin to boot.  Bonus points?" 
I laughed quietly.  "You're awful." 
"I know--" he broke off when we heard a faint whimper:  Jordan. 
I pulled away and stood up.  "Duty calls.  Thank you, again, Eugene."
"Anytime, beautiful.  But-wait.  Can't I even steal a kiss before we tend to the kiddos?" 
I shook my head, but I was more than happy to pull him to his feet and give him a quick, soft kiss before we went to get Jordan up. 

This Week, Flynn, and Ariel.

Soo.....This week's been interesting.  On Wednesday, Tangled Fan decided to turn her room upside down in an attempt to clean it. 
She thought it was an excellent idea to cram alllll of us on one side of the table. 
All of us. 
Ariel's been constantly trying to get a rise out of me - via insulting me or my children or trying to get Logan's attention by paying attention to Eugene.
I'm pretty sure that yesterday, Eugene was about ready to clock someone upside the head.  He was pretty irritated.  And by someone, I mean Ariel, Logan, or Punzie --Logan because he won't control Ariel. 
(Although, what's he going to do, really??  I don't think she CAN be controlled!)   

Today was probably the worst of things.  Zelia and Ray went for a walk, and Logan and Fitz went elsewhere to talk about girls.  It was just Eugene, Zarina, Belle, Punzie, Piper, Emma, Ariel, and I - and the kiddos, of course; and Merida, who didn't really talk much. 
(You can see the wad of blankets on the one edge there,  it's because it's been SUPER COLD the past few nights.  Ugh...)
Belle and I just talked for a good while, and Zarina hung out with Casey as long as Casey wanted. 
Everything was okay until Ariel walked over to me when Zach started whimpering - just because he was sleepy, mind. 
"He's blind, right?"  Ariel asked. 
I looked up warily at her.  "Yes, why?" 
"I was going to say...no wonder if he cries so much, since you're always holding him.  Even he wouldn't want to see your face.  But then again, since he's blind...no surprise, I guess.  Nothing perfect could--"
I jumped up.  If I wouldn't have had Zachary in my arms, I would have probably done something less-than-nice. 
"You know what, Ariel?  Don't even say it.  He's perfect just as he is.  You can insult and harass me all you want, but don't you DARE say a word about my children.  Got it?" 
She threw her head back to expose her long, pale throat.  Laughing, she shook her head.  "The only way to get to you is through your kids!" 
"Why do you have to torment her in the first place, Ariel?"  Eugene stood up, setting Audrey up with Casey and Zarina.  He put a hand on my shoulder.  "You don't have to, you know.  I know I'd really appreciate it if you'd let her and the kids be." 
She shook her head.  "You are all too sensitive." 
"And you're too INsensitive," I mumbled.  I didn't dare say it too loud. 

This went on almost all day.  She knew now that she could get a brilliant rise out of me if she said something about the kids.  I'm just glad she didn't say or do anything to the kids directly.  That's when I think I'd snap.  I won't bother her if she harasses me about how I'm stupid and not pretty, how I dress 'sloppily', how simple I am...but if she as much as touches a hair on one of the kids' heads....that means war. 

But regardless....as if Ariel wasn't enough (Punzie hasn't been as cruel, surprisingly), Flynn has taken to creating new emails and accounts simply to harass me.  Every time I block him, he emails me from a different, new account.  I'm not even going to post a word of what he's said, but here's the rundown of what he's telling me: 
-I'm an idiot
-I'm an idiot for not deleting my blog after the first time he started emailing me
-Eugene should have left me when he got the chance (when he went missing)
-I'm so bland
So on and so forth, the reason I refuse to post his messages directly on here is because of the content.  Who knew a doll could be so...so...vulgar and crude?  Yikes. 
I hate how between the two of them, they're making me start to think about how truly bland I am compared to, say, Ariel - and even Belle.  They're both pretty (despite Ariel's personality), dress well, (although Ariel's dress is fairly inappropriate) and they aren't insecure or easily upset.  I don't wish I could be like Ariel - no, not at all - but I wish I could be less like myself -- proud of who I am, pleased with how I look, and not boring.  And I'm sure the girls would even be happier if I was more interesting.  Not, like, physical appearances-wise, but...interesting.  Able to tell them amazing stories from my past, or unafraid of letting them do things like leave the table, ride horses, etc.  You know?
I haven't told Eugene about this, of course-- he has enough on his plate, and we don't really have the privacy to talk or anything.  I certainly don't want Ariel to overhear about Flynn - who knows what she'd do or say then. 
Yippee. 

Curiosity killed the cat -- continuation; Eugene

It's Eugene. 
If you didn't read the post before this one, you'll want to read it. 
Yesterday evening, I obsessed over trying to figure out how to explain to Rapunzel about her past.  I knew she'd fight me about it.  I could hear her talking to herself on the other side of the table. 
"...don't know why I was such an idiot.  Should've known...he was so sweet, though...I'm worthless...what did--"
Okay, that was it. 
"Rapunzel, you are not worthless.  I know you can hear me, because I can hear you...please, don't think of yourself in tha--"
She gasped.  "H-how...Ohh, Eugene, just leave me alone, okay?  G-go back to your shelf, or wherever your kids and wife are at!  Why are you still even.."
"I can't go see my girls right now, but...you want me to go see my wife?" 
"Yes!  Please, just stop eavesdropping!" 
Do you really want me to go see my wife?  Okay.  Done.  I stepped over to her side of the table.  She gave me an alarmed stare, freezing in her tracks -- apparently, she'd been pacing.  "G-go away!" 
"You told me to go see my wife.  Technically, I'm listening to you," I tried to meet her eyes, but she kept her eyes pointed at the ground. 
"I don't know what you're trying to do, and I don't know what delusion you are living in, but I am not your wife, Eugene.  Please, just...just leave,"
I hated how, when I didn't heed her request, she started backing away from me, giving me a look of pure fear. 
"I-I...I wouldn't hurt you, Rapunzel, I promise.  You don't think--"
"You promised a lot of things," she choked, and then I, out of habit, strode over to pull her close.  By then, she was backed into a corner, and she started crying even more.  "Don't you dare touch me!" 
"Okay, okay...I'm sorry...I'm sorry.  Look, I'll stay across the table from you if that helps," I told her quietly.  I was just messing things up right and left, wasn't I?...
She took a shuddering breath.  "What would help is if you left,"
Trying to not let that get to me, I bit my lip.  "How's this -- I'll offer you a deal.  You'll listen to what I have to say, and then I'll leave. You'll think what you want about what I have to say, but after I tell it to you, I'm gone.  If I know you -- which, I do...better than you know yourself -- you'll come around." 
"I'm not interested in anything you have to say.  Look, if you're worried that I'll tell your wife...She needs to know, but if I promise not to find her and tell her, will you leave me be?" 
"This isn't...honey, you're--"
"Don't call me that," she snapped. 
"Okay, okay, okay....just...hear me out, please?" 
"I already told you the answer to that, and my answer is no!  I'm not interested in being fed any more lies!"  I knew she was starting to fall apart...I could see it in her eyes.  I hated pushing her this far, but I had to. 
"Then I'm not leaving." 
"Why are you doing this to me??  Please, just...just leave me alone...I-I..you're scaring me.  Please, just--" she was sobbing.  She didn't know what to do or where to go -- I could tell by the way she was weaving back and forth and clamping an arm around her stomach.  "Ohh, fine!  I'll listen to your stupid lies, as long as you keep this promise."
The promise she wanted me to keep was to stay away from her. 
Well, at the rate I was going, I'd end up doing that anyway. 
So I dove in.  "What I want you to do now is to go on the blog and read the post titled "Yesterday and Today".  It's from Thursday, April 17th.  The whole, entire thing.  Please,"

Despite the look she gave me, she turned Tangled Fan's tablet on and did as I asked her.
 I watched her read.
When she first began, her eyes scanned the words quickly, and obviously, nothing was sinking in. 
But then, she gasped.  "I-I remember...I remember this.  This was when I woke up...you were hovering over me with such a happy expression.  What...do you mean...do you mean I--"
"Like I've been trying to tell you, you were my wife.  Do you see now?  Once Zelia told you what she did, I had to play along.  We all did.  I was...today I was going to tell you, but then you left and...yeah.  We've spent almost two months trying to get you to remember, and it...I guess it hasn't been working.  Do you see now?  Do you see why I didn't want to leave you alone?" 
She was sobbing.  I wanted to pull her close...tell her everything was going to be okay...tell her that I loved her...but I didn't.  "Y-you....we were married?  The three orphan girls..they were our children?  It's all true?" 
"I promise from the bottom of my heart.  I know that you think I'm lying, and you won't trust me, but I promise you it's all true.  Please, don't cry..."
She nodded several times, scrubbing at her eyes.  "Wh...how many other posts are there?" 
"There's quite a few.  You've been here since last September.  September 13th, to be exact," I smiled as I remembered the first time we'd met.  I told her everything about how we'd met, happy to reminisce. 
When I had finished, however, she looked sick.  "I think I'm going to be sick..."
"Why?"  I asked, alarmed.  She put a hand over her mouth and another over her stomach, shaking her head.  "Was it something I did?  I'm s-"
"No!...no.  I just...I just can't remember.  When you were talking, it sounded familiar, but I can't remember.  I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." 
"But it doesn't matter!  I'll help you remember everything!  If you just give me a chance...I'll help you remember.  I-I...I couldn't live without you.  And the girls...the girls couldn't, either.  But if you choose not to...if you don't want to resume our marriage after all this..." I trailed off.  I couldn't even think about that.  I honest to goodness couldn't.  She nodded silently, staring down at the tablet with her hand over her mouth again.  "If you need time to think things over, that's fine, too.  While you're at it, read through the blog from start to finish.  Do you want me to stick around, or..?"
She shook her head again.  "N-no...you're right, I need time to think things over by myself.  I'm sorry." 
"It's okay."  I stood up and quietly went to the divider before I turned back around to look at my girl, who was curled with her knees to her chest, staring at the tablet with a look of horror on her face.  "Oh...Rapunzel?" 
"Y-yes?"  she looked up, almost seeming as though I'd snapped her out of some  trance. 
"I love you.  No matter what, I always will...okay?  And I mean it.  Whatever you're thinking...whatever you're wondering...just know that I love you, it's real, I always did and I always will." 
She choked, but when I started to go back over to her, she waved me away and asked me to leave. 
 So...I did. 

I haven't heard or seen her at all today...it's really scaring me.  Actually, I'm terrified.  I don't want to lose her...I can't.  It's all my fault...why did I have to wait?  Why'd I have to screw up and panic when she confronted me? 

Curiosity Killed the Cat

~Rapunzel
This is going to be my last time posting on here.  In HIS favor, I'll write everything down about the whole day...apologies if I get a bit cynical, but when you get to the end, you will understand why.  I don't even know why I'm typing this! 

Yesterday, EVERYONE else started off for a week-long trip exploring the house.  Of course, I wasn't invited, because Anna and Punzie were going along.  Big surprise there, right? 
So today, Eugene was gone for most of the day.  To keep myself busy, I sung and danced by myself.  I had a question for him about the blog, so I just couldn't WAIT for him to get back.

When he did, I promptly hurried over to his side of the table. 
"Hey!"  I said excitedly.  Ahh, gotta love the feeling of excitement you get when you see someone you love, right? 
"Hey, yourself," he gave me that smile of his -- the one that made my stomach erupt in butterflies.  Then, he pulled a small stem of slightly wilted flowers from behind his back.  "Tangled Fan got a bunch of little flowers so I could give them to you and the girls.  They're, ah...kinda wilted up, but-"

I was so excited.  I was soo, so happy.  "Oh my gosh, Eugene!  Thank you so much!"  

With a chuckle, he handed them to me.  I wasted no time, going ahead to bury my face in them and take a deep whiff.  I'd never smelled flowers before!  I'd never been given flowers before, either.  

"Mmm...they smell soo sweet!  Thank you so, so much!"  I looked up at him and grinned, and he laughed. 
"You have some yellow gunk on your nose," he told me before he dabbed it off himself.  After he wiped his fingers on his pants, he pulled me close and gave me a quick kiss on the forehead. 

"So, how was your day?"  he asked.  

I moved away so I could set the flowers down in a safe place, and then I slid back into his arms.  For the moment being, I felt so at home and so comfortable in his arms... ugh. 
"Well, everyone else left last night for this week-long expedition to explore the house, and of course, I had to stay behind...Punzie and Anna, y'know?  So, I just sang and danced by myself today.  It was pretty fun, actually...nobody pushing me around or saying mean things.  OH, I have a question for you!  Someone commented on your last blog post, but they directed it towards me...I saw the preview of it, but I didn't go see the whole thing, because I didn't want to...you know...look at your post, because you said not to." 
He nodded.  "You can stick around here as much as you like, then, if you're all by yourself over there.  I mean, you always CAN, but...you know.  Anyway, uh...yeah, you can answer it.  Noo problem.  It's not like I'm hiding bad secrets there or anything, so I really...I just...um..am self-conscious of my writing."  [Hmmph.  Yeahh...right.]
"Aw, I'm sure your writing is good!" I told him. 

 We talked for a little while, but then I left for my side (where I had left Tangled Fan's tablet) to go check on that comment before I forgot. 

Before I left, I made sure to snag the flowers -- of course.  He gave me the usual hug, kiss on the cheek, and 'I love you, see you later', and I did the same.  

I was on cloud 9, as I normally was after I'd had a visit with him, when I went to check the comment.  

It was on the last post on the blog (Sorry about that, nothing really interesting has been going on, but I had been visiting with him everyday.  Y'know...falling in love...) when I caught sight of something on the page. 
Something about him not wanting to let me meet the orphan girls because he couldn't make them 'pretend to not know their mother'.  

Mother?  

Since I'm obviously not married to him, and I had never met the girls, I  decided to do a little digging.  

I flipped through a couple of the most popular posts.

Apparently, he has a thing for clumsy 2010 Rapunzels. 
He has a wife.  

I was too mad to cry.  Didn't he think I had gone through enough already?!  Why, why, WHY??!!  UGH! 

I grabbed the tablet, the flowers, and Pascal, and stormed over to his side of the table, where he was sitting. 
He greeted me with a surprised smile as he strode over to me. 

"Y-you...you could've told me." I gave him a firm shove right off the bat, knocking him right back away from me. 
"What?" He gave me a slightly terrified and confused look.
"THIS.  What the heck is all this?!"  I shoved the tablet at him and flicked through several pictures he, or his WIFE, rather, had on "our" blog. 
He stammered around terribly for a few minutes, and I could feel my eyes watering as I waited for a response.  My stomach was twisted in knots, and I wanted to be furious at him, but suddenly, all I could feel was sorrow.  For so long...so long...he had led me to believe he loved me, and it turns out it was unrequited affection once more.  Why?  When he just answered me with an 'it's complicated...sit down for a minute', I just gave up.  I should've known better to have hoped he truly cared for me!  I'd just gotten played...just like last time.  But wait...I still wanted answers.
"Well, where's she at...that girl?  It looks like you have a THING for the 2010 model.  And what about--what about all your kids?  Nice to know you were visiting your CHILDREN, not orphans like you told me you were."  I glared, oozing sarcasm.  "I ought to warn your WIFE about what's been going on!  She should at least have fair warning to know something like this could happen again!  And why hasn't she been posting?  Or HAS she, and I just didn't notice because of your stupid little 'no reading' rule?"  
"She's...well...the kids were taken away.  And she is standing right in front of me."  he gave me a serious look.
Was the doll delusional?
"What, then...are you, like...are you mad?!"  I barked.
"No, I'm not mad--"
"Mad as in crazy in the head."   Stupid...! 
"No.  I'm not that, either.  I --"
"I don't want to hear any more excuses!"  I put my hand up, hauling the tablet along with me as I turned to leave.  "I'm done.  I'm sick of MEN!"  I gave the tablet a firm shove to the other side of the table.

"Wait...you don't understand.  Let me explain-"  he succeeded in grabbing my arm.
"Did you not just hear me?" I was mad at myself for the tears that were spilling down my cheeks.  "Let me go!" 
"Please...just listen for..f-for five minutes, Rapunzel--"
"NO!  Let me go, you sick, twisted...freak!  I can't believe you....!"  I cried.   I managed to yank away from him, and I almost fell down.  I managed to stay on my feet, though, and I quickly stumbled back on the other side of the table.  My side.  I'd never cross to the other side of that table again.  I was finished.  I was finished with relationships, and liars, and men who used you and made you think they loved you, and...I'm done with LOVE.  Finished.
 Why must I be so naive....?
I went to my corner, where I'd left Pascal, and sat down.  Nobody was there, of course. Part of me was glad nobody was there to see me like this, but part of me wanted Zelia or Belle.  But they might not even care...Why WOULD anyone care, anyway?  It's ME.  I'm stupid, and I'm worthless, and...why can't I be smart for once??
I can honestly say that this is worse, though.  Looking back, I should have seen it coming with Flynn.  But Eugene had been so sweet with me, and had told me nearly every day that he loved me.  Why??  Didn't he think I had been through enough the first time??!  And yet, my stupid heart kept squeezing every time I thought about him.  Why did it?  Some small voice kept telling me that he hadn't used me, and I wished it would shut up!  I was too shocked to even cry, but if I COULD cry, I would probably feel better.  I felt like I was going to throw up.

Two New Faces and I am SO EXCITED Right Now!!

~Rapunzel
This morning, Tangled Fan brought in a box and set it on her bed before yelling and hurrying out the door again.  I had the perfect view of the box from my side of the table, and I wanted to investigate.  Unfortunately, nobody else was as enthused as I was, and nobody jumped up and yelled, 'we need to go check that box out now!!'.  Finally, after an hour of unbearable curiosity, I spoke up.
"Guys, why don't we check out the box over there?" I stood and waited to be noticed.
Which never happened.
Literally everyone ignored me.
So I went over to each individual and asked, even Punzie, who just rolled her eyes and grumbled about the possibility that more dolls were here now.
When I had gathered a group --Anna, Hans, and Zelia-- I popped my head over to Eugene's side, smiling when I saw him stand the second he saw me.
"Cmon, do you want to go see the mystery package?" I joked, trying to make it sound intriguing.
He nodded and gave me that grin of his, and soon, our little bunch was on the floor and headed to the bed.

It didn't take long to get over there, and we soon met...

Belle...

                                                               And Beast/Raymond/Ray. 


I was slightly terrified of Beast, but I tried to keep it hidden.  How rude would THAT be??  Plus, my shyness kicked in, and I wanted to go back to my side of the table the second Belle glanced my way.  Even more so when Beast STARED at me.  I didn't mean to, but I ended up reaching for Eugene...and then I realized that he was hanging back a little ways behind me, his face worried as he looked over the both of them.
"Are you shy, too?" I whispered, and he nodded before trying to smile at the newcomers.  Zelia was greeting them, albeit a bit rudely, but that was Zelia for you.

We all started back, and not a word was spoken.  I hung back, feeling quite out of place.  I wanted to talk to them, even though Beast--er...Ray...-gave me the willies, but I just couldn't get myself to speak up.  Eugene did, however, and started talking to both of them.  He periodically glanced back at me, so I finally gave in and helped tell them about the other dolls in our group.
I couldn't believe how perfect Belle acted.  With gorgeous brown hair and huge doe eyes, she was beautiful.  She walked with grace to spare, and spoke eloquently, with a very faint French accent.
Ray, on the other hand, spoke not a word, and acted like he couldn't see or hear well.

When we got to the bins under the table, Ray motioned frantically to Belle, rushing aside.  We paused, watching, as she went over and STARTED TO PULL HIS HEAD OFF!

We all froze in our tracks.  Anna squeaked and ducked behind her husband, still watching over his shoulder.
I wanted to scream, but knew it was rude and inappropriate of me, so I reached to clutch Zelia's arm.
She wasn't there...she was scrambling to climb the trash bag, clearly fascinated by the whole morbid thing.
When the head came off, it revealed a fairly handsome, ginger-haired and blue eyed human version of Beast, and the coat slipped off to reveal human hands.

 

After that, everyone was abuzz.  Ray was very much NOT abuzz, and just wanted to be left alone...so we obliged.  Anna and Hans went back, but Zelia, Eugene, and I stuck around on the floor.  I hung back, and Zelia spent her time staring at Ray.  Hmm. 

And Eugene and Belle seemed to be hitting it off very well.  He was talking to her, and she was smiling, laughing, and gazing into his eyes --even though he kept dropping his gaze away, for some reason.  The both of them made a pretty cute couple, actually, and I had to smile.
Yeah, I know what you're thinking.  Why am I not mad because they're both hitting it off so well, when just yesterday, I was saying about how I had a thing for Eugene??
Well, dear readers, that is because I know I don't stand a chance, he is out of my league, and they are absolutely adorable together.  I mean, just look at them!!!

I turned my attention to Ray for a moment or two, and caught him staring at me.  When our eyes met, he abruptly gave me a LOOK and turned his back.
Alrighty then.
I looked at Zelia and nudged her with my elbow, redirecting her gaze from Ray to Eugene and Belle.
"You thinking what I'm thinking?"
"Probably not, Hopeless Romantic," Zelia said dryly.
"Wedding bells for those two, sometime in the future.  He's quite taken and I think it's mutual," I explained.
"Hmmph," Zelia rolled her eyes and stalked off, leaving me completely alone.

Yay me, right?
So I tried to gather the courage to talk to Ray, thinking that maybe, he was feeling left out too.
He fairly growled at me, and I quickly backed off.
Looks like there's no chance of me befriending anyone in THIS group, either!
I don't know why I hung back, maybe because I thought Zelia would come back around.  Regardless, I did...and eventually, Zelia did.  Eugene noticed her, and quickly cornered her, requesting something of her.    She nodded, and then Eugene headed my way.  Zelia went instead to go talk to Belle and Ray.

Eugene gave me that special grin of his and put his hand on my shoulder, so I couldn't help but smile back.
"Hey, little miss wallflower," he teased.
"Hmm...says the guy who was hiding behind me earlier!" I threw back, and his grin broadened into a smile.
"You got me.  But for the record, you're the prettiest wallflower in existence, I'm fairly certain."
I giggled.  "Somehow, I sincerely doubt that..."

"Well, you shouldn't." he slipped his arm around me, pulling me close with an adorable grin.  I was beyond surprised, especially since Belle was looking right at us.
Oh no.  He wasn't going to use me like Flynn did.  Was he??
At that, I quickly slipped away, and as soon as that happy mood had appeared, it was replaced with uncertainty.  Without an explanation, I tried to hurry back to the table.  When he followed me and asked if I was okay, I said I had forgotten Pascal up there, even though he was on my shoulder. 
"He's..."
"I just..I'll talk to you later.  I'm not feeling too hot right now."  I felt bad lying, but I DIDN'T necessarily feel the best, anyway.  My stomach twisted just at the thought of him trying to use me to get Belle's attention.  He started to follow me, but I told him he didn't have to and that he needed to help Zelia out.

The rest of the day came and went.  I was silent in my corner for the majority of the time, thoughts tumbling through my mind in waves of confusion.  Waves?  Maybe HURRICANES of confusion would be the more suitable term.  I didn't care that Belle likes him, I just had not taken him for the using kind.

When I wasn't totally silent and buried inside my thoughts, Belle and I talked.  She was a really, really nice girl, and I almost hope we can become friends..but I have learned to hope for things cautiously.

Well, night fell, and I, of course, went to sleep, curled up in my corner with Pascal.  I had given Belle my blanket, since we were one blanket short, and so I was freezing cold in my thin little nightie.  Of COURSE tonight would be in the  low thirties!  It's May, for goodness' sake.  Why is it this cold??  Tangled Fan has the heat on, but it's still pretty chilly without a blanket and a sleeveless, short-ish, lightweight dress as your nightie!
My slumber was disturbed by...Eugene.  He gently shook me awake, and even though it was dark, I could still see the glimmer of excitement in his eyes.
What on earth...
I rubbed my eyes, trying to keep up with what he was saying.
"...get your blanket and your buddy, and let's go,"
"Wh...where?  My hair is a mess and I'm in my nightie..." I mumbled.
"Don't worry bout that, just come on," he scooped Pascal up and then helped me to my feet before feeling for a blanket.
"I gave it to Belle...we were one blanket short," I whispered, and he nodded.
"Oh, wow, it's no wonder why your arms are so cold, then," he took my hand and led me to his side of the table, ducking behind the cutout and snagging his blanket.  Next, he led me to the far side of the windowsill, and then draped the blanket over my shoulders.
"There... And here we are,"
I could see his face better..and then I realized.
Windowsill.
Night.
Stars!
I gasped and looked up, not disappointed by the crystal clear night.  The stars looked like tiny, precious gems that had been scattered across blue-black velvet.
I couldn't remove the smile from my face as I turned to look at Eugene. I wanted to say so much, but I couldn't get a single word out.
"I noticed it was a clear night, and knew you would like to stargaze," he shrugged, smiling.
I just wordlessly grabbed him into a tight hug, so quickly that the blanket slid off of my shoulders.  He chuckled and held me close for a minute, and almost seemed reluctant to let me go.  I didn't consider that at the time, I just was so excited about the stars.  He sat down I'm the corner, and I started to sit on the opposite corner, but he made a grumble of disapproval.
"Hey...you can come over here if ya want, you know,"
I didn't hesitate, and I snagged the blanket I had dropped as I came back over.
"Lean forward," I asked him.  I was going to give the blanket back, but he shook his head. 
"No, you need it--"
"We'll share.  It's chilly," I gave him a grin, and he chuckled. 
"Alright, fine..." he pretended to be exasperated as I reached to drape the blanket around his shoulders, minding Pascal on his shoulder opposite me.  When it didn't quite reach as far as I thought it would, he pulled me closer.  I held onto my corner and he held onto his, and we both just fell silent for awhile, just looking up at the stars.   
I wanted to ask him about Belle, because based off of his response to that, I could probably deduce whether or not he was going to use me.  I know it's stupid of me to worry about him using me, because quite frankly, I don't think he has it in him to use anyone, but you never know, right?  And I prefer to be safe rather than sorry. 
After awhile, though, I couldn't stand my curiosity any longer.  "So...what do you think about Belle and Ray?"
"Ray seems pretty...distant, but maybe he just needs time to settle in.  Belle's nice, though...what about you?" 
Well, that didn't really help much of anything.  'She's nice'....that could mean anything! 
"I think the same about Ray, I guess.  He's...I don't know.  He fairly growled at me when I tried to talk to him earlier today.  And Belle's just perfect in every way.  She's beautiful, and elegant, and is so eloquent.  I wish I could be a tenth of the doll that she is!"  I blurted. 
"Well...I don't," he said quietly.  I looked away from the sky, and saw he wasn't looking out the window..he was looking at ME. 
"What?" 
"I think you're perfect just the way you are.  You're beautiful, and sweet, and you're unique.  If you were like Belle, you would be like the majority of the Disney merchandise population.  I think your little quirks are great, actually.  Belle's nice and all, but she's just like the rest of 'em."
"Really?  And here I thought you and Belle were going to end up getting married and you guys looked really cute togeth--"
CRUMBS. 
I didn't just let that one slip, did I??
Crud, crud, crud...I did...
"Wait.  So that's why you ran off today?"  he turned towards me as best as he could and gave me a worried expression. 
"I-I...It's stupid but...I thought that when you were talking with her, you both seemed really happy and I thought you would make a cute couple, and you two seemed to hit it off really, really well, and I was happy --I mean, I'm not a horrible individual, I want to see you happy!  And then you came over and you were being nice to me, too, and stuff, and  I just all of a sudden started worrying about if you would use me like Flynn did, and I know it's stupid, but I just panicked and I left.  It's stupid..."
"No...it's understandable.  I should've gone after you, but I thought maybe you wanted some time alone.  I'm sorry.  No...I wasn't even really enjoying myself.  The whole time, I was thinking about you, to be honest.  She's nice, but definitely not viewed as a future mate.  More like an acquaintance.  I love you,"
I sucked in a breath.  Well, had I ever been wrong.  "...Oh."
He chuckled.  "It isn't too soon, is it--"
"No," I smiled, and he reached to kiss my forehead.  I fell silent for a few more minutes, watching him even though his face wasn't turned towards me.  Finally, I spoke up.  "I know it's dumb also, but you'll never use me in any way, right?  I-I just need to hear you tell me..."
"It's okay.  I promise I would never even think about doing such a thing to you...here.  I'll even shake on it," he held his pinky finger out to me, and I giggled.
"That's silly...you don't have--"
"Oh, c'mon,..." he waggled his eyebrows, never breaking eye contact, and I rolled my eyes, trying and failing to not laugh. 
"Fine," I dropped my corner of the blanket and linked my little finger with his, and then he laced the rest of his fingers with mine.

We just sat together and stared at the sky for a good while.  Eventually, I got comfortable enough to rest my head up against his shoulder, still watching the sky, and within minutes of doing so, he cocked his head and looked at my face, blocking my view of the sky.
"What?"  I asked, quirking a brow.
"Oh, you're awake.  The way you leaned up against me there, I thought you fell asleep or something," he gave me a gentle smile.
"Oh -- I'll move-" I started to do exactly that, but he tightened his arm around me and shook his head.
"Nah, you're fine," he said, so I slipped my arms around him and we stayed there for a little while longer.

I don't even know what time it was when we went to go to the table.  All I knew was that I was reluctant to go back, and I had a bone to pick with Eugene.  I was just really terrified to tell him, and I would have preferred to wait a little longer, but I just needed to tell him and get it off my chest.
When we went back to his side of the table, he followed me to the divider.
"Well, I'll see you," he smiled and put his hands on my shoulders.
"Okay," I gulped, trying to calm my nerves.  I had to say it....I had to say it..I had to say ittt!!!  "Oh!  Here's your blanket back."
No, that is not what I wanted to tell him.
"No, you take it with you.  You have a lot less to wear for bed than I do, and I can move my bed away from the window if need be," he smiled, pushing the blanket back towards me instead of taking it from my arms.
"Well..."
"Yes, you will take it with you.   No ifs, ands, or buts."
I grinned.  "Thanks.."
"Okay.  Night," he said, ducking to kiss my cheek.  With that, he turned to go.
Tell him...tell him!!!!!
"Hey, um..."
He swung back around to look at me curiously.  "What?"
"I-I...love you.  Night,"  I turned on my heel to leave, embarrassed from telling him, but he reached out and caught my arm, chuckling.
"That's nothing to be embarrassed about, sweet girl.  Love you, too,"
I looked up at his face, which held a really funny expression.  He was obviously beyond excited, but he didn't seem to be surprised to hear it.  But then he impulsively grabbed me into a really tight hug....slightly tighter than I thought necessary for me just saying a simple 'I love you', but oh well.  Maybe I had given a less-than-enthused reaction to his confession.  But regardless, I hugged him back and then went back to my side of the table, curling up in the corner with Pascal and trying to fall asleep quickly, before it could sink in that  EUGENE LOVES ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Maaaybe I am a bit too excited now... =]

It's Rapunzel

Hello, everyone!  I'm....Rapunzel.  Eugene said I didn't need to worry about backstory or anything, so I guess I won't - he said you guys know about me.  I'm pretty sure he warned you guys that he's letting me use his blog, but don't worry -- we're sharing it, so you'll hear from him, too (:  I'm actually really excited to share it with him...but then again, I guess I get excited over anything that has to do with maybe getting to spend time with him.  He's such a nice guy, and I'm so thankful that he let me use this blog to write...but anyway.  I'm sure you guys don't want my half of the posts to be full of gushy dreams of sharing a life with him -- which will never, ever happen, I'm quite sure.  Oh my goodness, if Zelia could read this...yeesh.  She's not much of one for romance or emotions...and since I AM, it gets kinda awkward, as you all can imagine :} 

Anyway.  Here I am rambling... today, Eugene was gone for the majority of the morning and early afternoon, as was Zelia.  Sooo, I was stuck on my side of the table with basically all the dolls that are not too fond of me.  Fun, fun...right?? 
Punzie was sure to lay it on thick.  "No wonder they have to take long breaks from you sometimes.  I don't know how they can stand you, 'specially Zelia.  I always knew Eugene was weird, but her...and you...whew." 
"It's because she's my sister, and she HAS to put up with me," I reminded her.  I didn't look up at her, I just kept my gaze down in my lap, where my buddy, Pascal, was sleeping. 
"Yeah, but he doesn't.  It's kind of cute, actually.  Or at least...it would be.  The two freaks--"
"Punzie, stop.  Please.  I'm asking nicely, so please...just stop."  I stood up,  went over to the nearest corner, and sat down.  Anna was sitting there, and I was hoping maybe she would at least socialize with me, but she didn't.  She just gave me a horrified look before jumping up and leaving.  Way to make a doll feel better....
"Good choice, Anna," Punzie gave her a sly grin, and Anna told her to shut up.  "Hey, now...who's the boss of this table?" 
"It shouldn't be you," Anna grumbled.  Hans stood and touched Anna's arm and started to ask her to simmer down, but she cut him off. 
"Ohh, you know what happens to--" Punzie tried to taunt her.
"WOULD EVERYONE JUST STOP IT??"  Elsa yelled. 
I'm amazed she could even yell that loudly..she's normally very quiet.
Everyone listened to her, even Punzie.  Whoa.
After that, everyone quieted down, and everyone left me alone.  I couldn't help but notice how everyone gave me a wide berth. 
Eh...usual day here.  Usual day for me anywhere...

I eventually gathered Pascal up and left for the windowsill.  When  I was down on the floor, walking to the windowsill --yeah, I could have gone through Eugene's side of the table, but I felt weird doing so, so I just went across the floor.  When I got up there on the sill (and after I almost fell, because my hand slipped when I was trying to climb up there..), I just sat quietly with Pascal, staring out the window and thinking. 
That's another thing...I think a lot.  Probably too much.  Sometimes, I even prefer to be alone when I think about more pressing matters --which isn't too hard of a thing to do.  That's why I, if Eugene told you guys, requested he not come around for two weeks, because I had an overabundance of pressing matters to think about.  Mostly about Flynn, unfortunately.  Well, of course...it only lasted two days.  Not that I minded....it's silly, but I had missed him.  Eugene, not Flynn.  And in that frame of time, I was able to finally get myself to just quit obsessing over Flynn and wondering if things had been different if I had been different.  If that makes sense...?  And then when Eugene was so caring and even stayed with me through the night when I was scared over the storms (another reason why I'm weird...and just to clarify, small storms don't bother me, but the ones that have lots of wind, or lots of lightning and thunder loud enough to rattle the windows...those ones get me upset faster than anything else.)  anyway, he was so nice to me, and didn't say I was stupid for being afraid...at that point, I decided that I could trust him.  Man....after I forgot about Flynn, at least half of the weight of the world was no longer on my shoulders--the rest is from certain other individuals making fun and constantly harassing me...*cough PUNZIE cough*.  But anyway....today's thoughts were focused on exactly that...my invisible qualities. 
Either I'm invisible and nobody even seems to notice me, or I'm way too visible and everyone decides to harass, make fun, laugh at my clumsiness...you get it. 
I was in the middle of drowning in my own thoughts when I heard a boot scuff. 
"Hey, you,"
Eugene!
I shot upright, surprised to see him standing just about a foot away from me.  I stuck Pascal on  my shoulder, and then clasped my hands behind my back. 
"Hey, yourself.  Where were you today?  I mean, if you don't mind me asking," I added.
He gave me a calculating stare before saying, "I, ah...I was actually visiting these three little girl dolls that Tangled Fan has...they're orphans.  Jordan, Casey, and Audrey..."
Where had I heard those names?  They sounded so familiar, but I'm pretty sure I'd never met any little orphans.  Still..maybe the dolls at one of my previous homes had had those names.  Hmm...
"I really was...you can ask--" he acted like he thought I didn't believe him. 
"No, no...I believe you!  I just...the names sound really, really familiar, and I was trying to remember why.  Anyway, um...that's really sweet of you! Is this the first time you've seen them?" 
"No, I visit them at least a couple of times a week.  Whenever I'm not hanging out with you," he gave me that special little grin of his.  I wish he wouldn't grin like that....it made me like him even more.  And he visits three orphan girls regularly??  I needed to ask Tangled Fan if I could, too.  At least I might be able to make some kiddos happy and give them company, at least. 
"That's so cool.  Was Zelia with you?" 
"No, actually...she goes once in awhile, but she didn't today," he told me. 
My sister.  My...sister?  ZELIA?  Whoa.  I did NOT see that coming.
"Wow...my SISTER does this, too?  Are you sure it's my sister?  Or did...I don't know...aliens kidnap her or something?"  I joked, and he laughed.
"Nah...she's actually really good with kids.  You'd be surprised!" 
"I already am!"  I giggled.  "I can't wrap my head around that.  Are you planning on adopting them -- Casey, Audrey, and Jordan, right?  Sorry I'm asking so many questions.  I'll stop if you--" 
"No, you're fine!  And, well...Tangled Fan only adopts to married couples, so...and yeah, really --I couldn't at first, either."  he finally sat down on the windowsill, and I dropped down so I could face him to talk some more.
"Hmm...cool!  And that kind of stinks about her only adopting to married couples.  I mean, I can understand why, but you'd be such a great dad to them, I'm sure.  And at least they'd have a home..." I trailed off. 
"Yeah...that's basically what I thought, too.  And you think I would be?"  he quirked a brow. 
Oh, geez!  "I am ninety-nine percent sure you would be a perfect father.  And I'm sure they just love you...you'd be a really fun dad," I grinned.  I could just imagine him with little kids...he'd probably be really sweet with them.
He gave me a small smile before clearing his throat and asking how my day went. 
"Hmmh...why can't we just talk about your day?  Your day seemed a lot more fun," I sighed. 
"What's wrong?  Punzie?"  he asked, reaching to cover my hand with his. 
"Yeahh...what's new, though - really?"  I shrugged.  "And then everyone gives me this...this huge berth, like they think they can't go anywhere near me.  It just makes me feel...I don't know.  Horrible.  I just wish that I could have one...just ONE...friend that sticks with me no matter what.  Zelia's...I mean, I have Zelia, but she definitely isn't much of one to talk with when it comes to emotional matters.  I'm just really tired of it, but I should be used to it.  I don't know why I think that maybe, just maybe, someone could come and befriend me and..." I broke off and sighed, realizing that I was ranting,  "..and I'm sure you have better things to do than to listen to me complain." 
"I'm sorry. And it's okay....I don't have anything better to do," he gave me a gentle gaze.  "I just wish things were easier for you.  You don't deserve to be treated that way."
"Hmmh...tell that to everyone on my side of the table." I groaned.
He sighed.  "Yeah...I'm sorry,"
"It it isn't your fault.  I should apologize to YOU, since I've obviously ruined your happy attitude for today..." I said as I realized that his cheerful expression had disappeared.  Now I felt even worse!
"No... I just feel for ya," he told me, squeezing my hand before beckoning me to come sit beside him.  I did, of course, and then he asked if he could put his arm around me.
Well, gee, Eugene...lemme think about it. =D
I nodded, and he didn't just put an arm loosely around my shoulders...he pulled me close and gave me one of the most comfortable hugs I have ever gotten.  Way to make me fall for you even more, Eugene....
He kept me close to him for the rest of the afternoon, and we either talked or just sat and enjoyed each other's company.  When evening rolled in, and then darkness crept into the room, we finally went back to the table.  Before I left for my side of the shelf, I gave him a hug and thanked him.  He always managed to make me feel better, and I owe him so much just for being here for me...! But regardless, when I went back to my side of the table, I was greeted with silence.  My sister was back, but she didn't want to talk with me, so I just went to my corner of the table with my blanket and my chameleon, and resumed my state of invisibility.

More storms, a movie, and a blog takeover

Last night, there was another storm, and it was even worse than the last round...it started up at about eleven thirty, with constant lightning...fun, fun.  When the thunder started getting closer, I promptly went to the divider and tapped on it, asking if she was awake.  When the answer was a quiet squeak of a yes, I didn't bother saying anything, I just headed over to her side.
"Storm getting to you?" I asked as soon as I knelt beside her.
"Oh! Yeahh, you have perfect timing," she sighed as she pulled the blankets off of her head. "Wow.  It was getting too hot to be doing that."
"I suppose so.  It's been pretty muggy out lately," I told her, helping her smooth her hair out of her face.  I didn't even really think about it, I just did it...she didn't make a big deal of it, so I suppose it didn't bother her..whew.
"Yeah....I'm sorry, this is just so stupid and childish of me...!" She whispered, but then a loud thunderclap shook the windows, and she flew upright, grabbing my arm.
I put my arms around her and did the same thing I did yesterday....held her till the storm calmed down.  As I did, I told her that her fear, once more, was not stupid.  She would tell me in time why she was so afraid.
Well, sometime was last night, in hushed whispers.
"I was always a little scared of storms, but one day, when I was in Tennessee, there was a really horrible one, and a tornado just barely missed us.  I was so scared...and now they just terrify me.  So there you have it.."
Whoa.  My girl could have been sucked up by a tornado.  We never...wow.
"Wow...you have a right to be scared, then.  Wow,"
Pascal squirmed on Rapunzel's lap, and we both watched him silently.
When the lightning and thunder were gone, she didn't pull out of my arms right away. "Thanks for staying with me, Eugene  ...if you knew--" she broke off, and I wanted to ask her what she was about to say, but I didn't.  "If you, ah, knew how much it meant to me...thank you."
I told her it was no problem, and then she gave me a calculating look before kissing my jaw.
And with that, she told me goodnight, curled up on her side with Pascal, and snuggled under the blanket.
Well then.
I said goodnight to her back, and then I kissed the top of her head before I left for my side.
And do I even need to tell you that I was mentally freaking out?  Probably not, right???



Today, Rapunzel came over around one.  I had already talked with Tangled Fan, so she said she would bring the laptop and DVD back around one-thirty, so we wouldn't have to hunt her down.
She greeted me with a shy smile, her eyes uncertain.  She was likely still thinking about last night's little kisses, and she was terribly awkward.  I did my best to just act like it was no biggie, and she quickly calmed down.

We just sat and talked for a bit.  Nothing big, no pressing matters, no Flynn, no talk about how worthless she was.  It was nice!  When Tangled Fan came back with the laptop, she--Rapunzel, that is--flopped onto her belly, propped her head up on her arms, kicked her legs up in the air, and stayed that way for the whole movie.  When "I See the Light" came on, I couldn't help but start humming.  It's just in a Disney doll's plastic to sing, of course. I didn't want to sing in front of her.
  But when she realized I was humming -- which didn't take her long--, she grinned and glanced over at me. 
"You know..you can sing if you want," she winked, and I decided to tease. 
"Okay.  I will if you sing the duet with me,"
She looked tempted, which really surprised me.  But then she just shook her head.  "Nahh, I'll pass.  But you should sing -- I just don't want to ruin the song with my terrible voice." 
"Your voice is just fine!"  Sure, she couldn't hit the "it's like the sky is newwww" part, but the rest was fine. 
"How do you know that?"  she quirked a brow and turned away from the laptop to look at me again.
Ohh boy. 
Did I really just slip up?!
Stupid.  Stupid, stupid, stupid!  "I figure your voice is just fine, rather." 
"O-oh," she gave me a distracted smile and turned back to the movie.

Fast-forward to the end of the movie, and I was trying not to cry.  Two whole, unmanly tears had already slipped down my cheeks, but I didn't want to wipe them and draw attention to the matter.  I just...the thought that Rapunzel could've died when she fell was still all too real, and the ending just reminds me of that -- and that I could very well have ended up losing my best girl. 
When the weird little pub thug tied to the lanterns had drifted up and the laptop screen went black before the credits, Rapunzel rolled onto her back with a sigh, clearly satisfied with the movie. 
"We'll have to do this agai--are you crying?"  she tsked her tongue, sat up, and wiped my cheeks.  "The ending get to you, huh?  It did me, too." 
I chuckled, ducking my head away with embarrassment.  "Mm...yeah," 
She smiled, leaning and cocking her head so she could see my face.  "So...thanks for doing this with me today." 
Turning back to her, I grinned and held my hand out.  "It was my pleasure -- nobody I'd rather spend the day with,"
She laughed and took my hand.  "You're so sweet." 

After we talked for awhile, she finally sighed.  "You know...do you know if Tangled Fan would let me use her blog account so I could start a blog?  Silly as it seems, I'd love to start one.  I keep forgetting to ask her."
YES!
I would tell her about the blog -- this blog. 
"Actually, ah...I kinda run a blog, so you could just take it over," I told her. 
"Ohh, no.  I can make my own--but that's so cool that you have one!  Is it fun?" 
"It's interesting, but actually...It'd be really great if you took it over.  I, ah...I hope you don't mind, but I wrote a little about you.  The readers would probably really like to hear from you!"
Translation: Writing is fine, I see why you like it, but take it back please.  There's not a post where I HAVEN'T posted about you, and the readers are probably tired of my boring-ness and want their writer back!!  But then I realized that those old posts were on there...
Hm.
"Really?  I-I guess I don't mind...I mean...it's definitely surprising that you wrote about me, but it's fine.  And you think?" 
"I know they'd love to hear from you.  Just...don't read the old posts, okay?  I don't..I'm shy about dolls I know reading stuff I write."
"Ohh, I'm sure you're a great writer.  But I can respect that!  Thank you so much," she tackled me into a quick hug.  Her eyes were absolutely shining with excitement.  Soo, since we still had the laptop with us, I showed the blog to her and how to post things...as well as how to get a post up without seeing the titles of the other posts that have been done.  Sneaky, I know, but...I don't want her finding out about her past the hard way.  
She asked that we share the blog, so I told her we could--that way I can still update you on the girls and such.
 I just hope that it makes her remember something from before...slim to none chance, but you can always hope, right?  Plus, I'm sure you guys are tired of my writing. 

Storms last night

Last night, there were some pretty nasty storms.  I couldn't sleep because of them, and I could hear Rapunzel was up and pacing.  I was wondering why -- I have been honoring her wanting to be alone so far, but I was worried because she usually paced only if she was really upset, afraid, or nervous. Soo I got up out of bed  and crept over to her side of the table.  She was the only one up, and was clearly upset about something. 
"Hey...what's wrong?  I'm sorry, but I couldn't lay in bed and listen to you pacing any longer," I announced myself in a whisper. 
She gasped quietly, and when another montage of lightning went off, I saw her face was just filled with fear. 
"Go back to bed, I'm sorry I woke you," she whispered. 
"No.  I've been up...this storm's pretty bad, huh?" 
"Yeah...that's why I've been up.  I'm...it's really, really stupid, but I'm terrified of storms," the end of her sentence was a squeak, because a loud boom of thunder sounded.  That's when lightning cracked and sizzled.  For a split second, the room was so bright from it that it was almost like daytime.  That basically sent her into a tizzy of fear. Her eyes widened even more, and she tried to run and dive for her corner, but I snagged her arms and pulled her close.  She buried her face in my shoulder, and I put my hands over her ears when some more thunder rolled.  The thunder was loud enough to make the window shudder...yikes. 
She clamped her arms around me so tight I could hardly breathe, but I figured that if it made her feel less afraid, I could deal with some shallow breathing.  I kept my arms around her until the majority of the storm had passed through.  While I did so, I thought.  I couldn't remember her being so terrified about storms, but we haven't had a storm this loud for practically a year, so I'd never been around her when there was a bad storm.  I wished I could get to the girls, too, to make sure that they were alright, but Tangled Fan kept them in a different room and in a box, so they probably couldn't even hear much of the storm. 

Sometime after the last grumble of thunder had rolled through, she loosed a shuddery sigh and loosened her grip on me.  "Th-thank you.  It's stupid of me, I know." 
I pulled away just enough to see her face.  "No, it's not.  I know that a lot of people don't like storms,"
She bit her lip.  "But it's weird.  We got a lot of bad storms in Tennessee, where I came from...and Flynn always laughed when I would get scared....Flynn and everyone else.  So yeah, I'm pretty sure it's weird of me," she muttered quietly.  Her fear had been replaced with shame. 
"Well, I'm not Flynn, and I say that it's just fine.  Everyone has those little fears or quirks.  I do...I'm not sure about Zelia though.  She's just terrifying sometimes," I tried to get her to smile, and it worked. 
"Really?  And...yeah.  She's pretty fearless.  I wish I could have a little bit of that bravery." 
"That's fine, though.  I can't blame you for not being able to sleep, though...it was a pretty loud one." 
"Mhm," she nodded before suddenly reaching to hug me again, burying her face in my shoulder.  "Thank you for staying up with me, and for not thinking I'm stupid for being afraid." 
I wrapped my arms around her and didn't answer her, I just asked, "How's your thinking...going?  I'm sorry I kinda broke your two-weeks-of-alone-time thing, but I knew you were upset about something, and I couldn't stand it anymore." 
"It's been fine--I've sorted out a few things...Zelia thinks it's stupid of me, but I'm used to the insults.  Punzie's been pretty horrible, too, but nothing new with--" she paused as she heard some rain come pattering down on the roof -- gently at first, but then it came down harder and harder.  A whisper of thunder reappeared, and lightning could just barely be seen on the horizon line.  "--oh, great.  I just want to get some sleep..."
I wordlessly slipped away from her, going to scoop up Pascal.  I snagged her blanket as well, and then crept back over to her.  I think I almost stepped on someone's hand - Punzie..oh dear gosh, that would've been terrifying-- but I made it over to her, putting a hand on her arm. 
"C'mon," I whispered. 
She did, giving me a curious look.  We left the table, and I helped her to scramble up in this great little spot I knew about. 
It was under the table and on top of the bins, but it was surrounded on two sides by other boxes and the other side was the wall; the fourth side was open and facing across the room.  The boxes blocked the majority of the lightning from being seen -- except for a flash of light in the room--and it somewhat blocked the sound of the thunder.  Somewhat.  Hardly.  But whatever. 
After she sat down in the one corner, I wrapped her blanket around her and handed Pascal to her before sitting beside her.  "There.  You won't be able to see the lightning as much, and I'm hoping it blocks the sound out a wee bit." 
She gave me a small smile.  "Thank you...this place is actually pretty neat,"
"Yeah...I thought it was, anyway."  I watched Pascal get comfortable on her lap as I spoke. 
"You can go get some sleep, Eugene.  I'll be fine, and I won't wake you up by pacing." 
"It's tempting, but I'd prefer staying with you, to be honest."
"Your joints, though..." she gave me a concerned look. 
"They will be just fine.  I'm not pacing, am I?  I'm sitting down."
She sighed.  "Okay...if you're sure.  And thank you,"
We sat in silence for awhile, but eventually, the thunder started up louder once more.  She bit her lip and started to look a bit worried, so I tried to think of something to talk about to distract her. 
"So...um...how's Anna been treating you?" 
She quirked a brow, staring at me, but then she caught on to what I was trying to do.  "She's still avoiding me, but she's less hateful doing it." 
We continued the conversation, and despite the storm --which wasn't as violent as the one before it--she, with her knees pulled up to her chest, leaned up against me and fell asleep.  I didn't want to wake her up, but I also knew I couldn't carry her up to the table, so I just stayed there too.


This morning, I was up shortly before she was.  I was just considering getting up and leaving her on her own when she woke up.  She didn't seem to notice me at first, until after she had unfurled her legs and stretched.  When she looked over her shoulder, she gasped in surprise. 
"O-oh!  Did we...did we fall asleep down here?" 
"Yeah,"  I told her -quite simply.
She nodded before giving me a shy smile.  "Thanks for staying up with me last night.  I, um...I really appreciated it..and I don't think I've ever been calm enough to fall asleep during a storm." 
"You're welcome.  Glad I had a calming influence on you," I chuckled, putting an arm around her shoulders and hugging her without even thinking.  As soon as I caught myself, I started to apologize, but she shook her head. 
"That's quite fine," she actually grinned.  "Don't be so apologetic." 
"Okay, but I'll stop apologizing after I say this:  Sorry for breaking the break agreement thing." 
She slugged me playfully.  "I'm pretty sure I told you not to worry about that.  Actually...thank you for doing so.  I've been way overthinking things, and I'm pretty sure I just got my answers."
"Hmm...like about what?" I asked, curious. 
"Lots of things," she said, probably knowing full well that I really wanted to know. 
"Oh, so you're not going to tell me.  Typical!"  I pretended to be mad, and even threw in a huff of disgust.
She giggled.  "I will, but--"
"But not now!  You've peaked my curiosity and now you'll leave me hanging forever!"  I kept on teasing her, and she gave me that adorable little smile of hers.  I haven't seen that one in a long time! 
"Do you always tease this much in the morning, or..?"  she asked.
"Hmm...I don't know.  Maybe," I said with a wink, and she actually leaned up against me, smiling. 
"Well...I'll tell you.  But not because you're complaining highly about it...I just need to get it off my chest," she gave me a mock-disgusted look for the 'complaining highly' part.  
"O-okay?"  I must admit that I was a little worried. 
"I...I just want to thank you.  It's been almost a month, and you've put up with me...so well.  You've really opened my eyes as to how a person should act.  With Flynn, I was naive, and I was just so excited over the fact that maybe, just maybe, someone cared about me...I didn't have any experience, and I thought that maybe that was just how others acted.  Maybe he preferred to be around me when I was prettied up, because I know I look horrible.  Geez, I don't look very pretty when I AM prettied up anyway!  But regardless...I thought maybe he was just giving me space or pretending he didn't see when I would trip or be clumsy.  I thought maybe he was just staking his claim or something when he'd want to be around me when we were around the others...specifically Diane, that girl that he was trying to get the attention of.  I thought maybe he was just having a bad day whenever he'd get short with me.  But no.  If you really care about someone, your actions are...and correct me if I'm wrong, but it's when you can spend hours talking about anything and everything to them, and never get bored.  They'll stay up with you no matter what time of the night it is, just because you're lonely or need reassurance.  They know exactly what to say and when, and they don't complain if you don't braid your hair or dress up.  They just care about you.  They don't mind your pet, and you love how they laugh, how they smile, and how they tease you.  They'll come and dance with you whenever there's music to dance to, and they don't get mad if you need to vent about your ex or your past...or anything.  They put your problems above their own... And...they keep tabs on you via your sister, when you say you need space." she gave me a pensive stare, silently asking me if I got what she was trying to tell me. 
Ah. 
She knew about when I pulled Zelia aside to ask her how Rapunzel was (I did that Sunday). 
Woops...
"Hmm...you know about that - about me keeping tabs on you?" 
"Yep," she answered in such a quick, sure manner that I had to laugh. 
"I hope you don't mind...I was just worried about ya."  I was beyond relieved that she wasn't mad at me or anything. 
"No, no...it's fine.  I thought it was really sweet, actually," she blushed and giggled quietly before catching herself and immediately dropping her gaze to her lap. 
What a change a couple of days had given her.  She seemed so happy to have finally gotten Flynn out of her head - for the most part. 
I asked what was going to happen to the ban, and she rolled her eyes, saying it was silly of her and that it was done. 
"Awesome...so...movie tomorrow?"  I accompanied that with my best silly/hopeful face, and was rewarded with a laugh.
"Yes....movie tomorrow,"
"I can't wait," I winked, and she gave me a shy smile.  "Oh...and by the way?  You saying you're not pretty...that's a straight out lie.  You are beautiful, inside and out...just sayin'." 
She gasped, but then she burst out laughing, surprised at her own gasp.  "Um...I think you're just trying to make me feel good, but thanks."

We decided to leave our little spot, but we made it only as far as my side of the table.  She said she wanted to spend the day with me if I was okay with it, and do you really think I was going to pass up that opportunity??   She sat on the wicker chair, and I on the box beside it. 
And was I ever glad to have her over for the rest of the day...not a minute was spent talking about Flynn, and I think the proverbial battle's already half over.  I wanted to tell her about..well, you know.. but I decided that it was too soon, and I wanted to be sure she trusted me 101% before I told her. 
Eventually, though, she sighed and leaned her head up against the wicker chair.  "I suppose I need to get back over there..."
"Hmm...I guess." I gave her a smile, even though I was rueful to let her go.
She stood up, and I realized we were holding hands.  When had that happened??  Regardless, she gave me a grin, held her other hand out for me to take, and pulled me up off of the box.  When I stood, I still held onto her hands, reluctant to let her go. But regardless, I gave her a grin.
"I'll see you tomorrow," she met my eyes and gave me a smile in return.
"Yup!  When?"  I asked. 
"Hmm...around one?"
"Awesome," I told her, and she nodded before she turned to leave.  "Wait!"
"What?"  she turned and gave me a curious look. 
"Thanks for spending the day over here.  It might sound silly, but I missed you these past coupla days."
She gave me an honest-to-goodness, toothy smile, but then her eyes actually teared up a bit as she came back over.  "Thank you.  I have to admit...I missed you a bit, too.  I'm sorry I've been so weird..I'm just afraid of letting my guard down...you know?" 
"I know," I pulled her into another hug.  "You can trust me, though.  I promise I'd never do anything to hurt you, okay?"
She buried her face in my shoulder for a minute, but then she pulled away and gave me a teasing grin as she held her little finger out.  "Pinky promise?" 
"Pinky promise...just for you," I pretended to be exasperated, and she laughed as she linked her tiny finger with mine. 
"Okay.  I'll see you tomorrow," she smiled up at me, holding my gaze, and I nodded. 
"See ya then," I told her.   I made sure she had her blanket and Pascal with her, and then she started to leave.  Before she went to the other side, though, she turned back to me with a shy smile. 
"And thanks once more for staying with me last night.  I don't think I've ever felt safer, to be honest." 
With that, she left. 

Joints part 2 and Rapunzel's ban...

This morning, I just stayed in bed, staring way up at the ceiling for awhile.  I wasn't looking forward to getting up, because I wasn't sure that my hips would stay better.  They felt better, yeah, but would they stay better?

Well, around 8-ish, I heard Rapunzel come over to my side of the table.  I bolted upright in bed...too fast.  I called that I was still in bed and would be out in a minute, but it came out pretty gravelly.  I was, of course, fighting the urge to either black out or vomit because I'd sat up way too fast.  She must've realized something was up, because she was beside the bed in a second. 
"You okay?" 
"Yeah, I just, ah..sat up too fast," I blinked repeatedly until I stopped feeling weird. 
"I didn't wake you up, did I?"  she gave me a worried look.  "And how are you feeling?" 
"No, I was just laying around, and I'm fine - I won't really tell how much better my joints are until I start walking on them, though, and that's why I was kinda procrastinating on getting up," I explained. 
"Okay," she nodded.  I finally realized how she looked.  She looked worried, and was fiddling with her hair.  When I asked what was wrong, she shrugged her shoulders up to her ears, held her breath...let it all out in a big rush, and then grimaced.  "I...need to talk to you for a minute."
"What's wrong?"  I asked.  This didn't sound good.  Had I done something wrong?  I swung my legs to dangle over the bed and patted the spot next to me.  She sat down, but she wouldn't look me in the eye.  She looked like a scared little kid, and that just tore me apart. 
"I-I...mind if I ask for a rain check on that movie?  I...I just need some time to think by myself.  I figure that if I give myself two weeks, I'll have some things straightened out that have been bothering me."  she grabbed a lock of her hair and started furiously running her hands through it once more...until she got both of them tangled up.  When she did, she gave a frustrated groan and pulled her hands up, hair and all, to bury her face in them. 
"Hey...what's...I'm confused.  What's wrong?"  I took her hands -and hair- away from her face so I could untangle her fingers. 
"I just...I'm confused and I need time to think.  By myself.  Without...getting more confused." 
"Is it something I've done?  I'm so sorry, Rapunzel...was it--"
"You haven't done anything wrong, bud.  Just...like I said.  I just need to think some things over," she bit her lip, and I realized I was holding onto her hands, still from when I'd untangled them from her hair. 
Way to be a  moron...I thought as I promptly let go of her and slid a bit further away from her.  When I realized that was the wrong thing to do, because her eyes quickly teared up and clouded over with confusion, I pulled her into a hug as my mind wailed.  Girls are way too confusing.  She was never this way before...what'd I do?  I just wish she'd tell me.  She hugged me back, but then pulled away.  "I promise I'm not upset or mad at you, and I don't want you worrying or getting your joints messed up again because of this, okay?  I'll see ya in two weeks, I promise," she gave me a small smile, stood up, and left.  Just like that.
Soo I just rolled back into bed -- no use of getting up, anyway...not right now, at least -- and sighed.

Later today, I went over and peered around the divider, caught Zelia's eye, and jerked my head slightly, trying to get her to come with me.  Luckily, nobody else noticed.  And by nobody else, I mean Rapunzel. 
Zelia got the hint, and we went under the table. 
"I'm losing her.  I'm so afraid, Zelia.  You can't possibly understand, but you're around her more.  What do I do?  She told me to give her two weeks by herself.  I'm losing her-"
"Quit repeating yourself.  You're not losing her.  She's falling for you, and she's terrified and is struggling against her feelings, because she doesn't want to be hurt again.  The past few days, she's been talking a lot about you...she keeps saying about how she wishes she was different, how she wishes she was prettier, how she wishes she was not as clumsy...and that all usually links back to something about you or Flynn.  She thinks she needs to change herself, because she thinks you're out of her league.  But at the same time, she's still hung up on Flynn.  She thought that their love was true, when it instead was unrequited.  He's hard to forget, and there's also most likely this little nagging worry at the back of her mind that tells her that she'll get used again.  So she distances herself." 
"But she was never this way before..."
"Things are different, Eugene.  Very, very different.  Get that through your head, okay?" 
I nodded quietly. "But what should I do?" 
"Keep being your normal self...if you can call yourself normal.  But just...don't give her those two weeks.  She might be testing the waters, seeing what you'll do...wondering if you care."
I sighed.  "You're sure that's what I should do?" 
"Positive." 
"Okay."  I nodded, feeling mentally drained.

She headed back up to the table, but I went for a walk, thinking about what to do and testing my joints (which were fine--thankfully).  When I came back, it was around ten, and the darkness surrounded me like a thick blanket.  Tangled Fan had recently given me the lamp, which I could use on nights I couldn't sleep, so I flicked it on.  I went over and sat beside the divider, tapping on it gently. 
"What?"  was the prompt answer from Rapunzel. 
"I was just wondering if you were up, and if so, if you needed someone to talk to.  You just seemed pretty upset today,"
"I'm fine, Eugene, really.  I just need time alone, okay?" 
"Okay.  Sorry...but can I just ask two things?" 
She sighed.  "Okay.  What?"
"Are you sure it wasn't something I did?"  I leaned my head up against the divider and waited for her answer. 
"Noo, no, it definitely wasn't something you did, so don't worry.  I promise I just need two weeks to sort my mind out.  What was your other question?"
"After the two weeks are up, then will we watch Tangled together?" 
I heard her giggle quietly.  "Oh, Eugene...yes.  We'll watch Tangled, I promise.  Now, get to sleep, and don't pace around tonight!" 
I couldn't help but smile -- at least she was feeling good enough to giggle.  "Okay.  Good night, and you get some sleep yourself -- none of this lack of sleep stuff, okay?" 
"Hmm....no promises." 
"If I have to come over there and tickle you until you promise to sleep-" I started to tease, reluctant to stop talking with her. 
She started laughing.  "No....you don't have to do that.  You're...oh my." 
"I'm what?" 
She went silent for a few seconds.  "Y-you're....really funny."
Hmm...now, why didn't I believe that?
But I laughed it off and told her good night again. 
Annd so then I went to bed with that good ole, familiar ache in my chest.