Hey, Guys...

Hey, guys. 
I'm sorry I haven't posted in, like, an incredibly long time...!  Before I get into exactly WHY I haven't been posting as much lately, I want to give you all a heads up. 
As much as I hate to say it, I'm not going to be posting much anymore, if at all.  After the events of the past few weeks, I've decided that I should focus my time on my family as opposed to blogging.  Yes, you guys are practically my family as well, but...well, you'll understand why.   
I've talked it over with Eugene, Belle, and Zarina, and they're supporting me in my decision  - I wanted to make sure it wasn't a knee-jerk reaction to the past couple of weeks.

I may be posting again at one point and on special occasions, but for now, I just want to devote all my time on family. 

In THIS POST, I mentioned those strange Mattel dolls, right?  The ones that were supposedly Audrey and Jordan's adoptive parents, sometime before us?
Well...I was right to feel uneasy about them. 

October 31st - yes, Halloween - I woke up and, like most every morning, I went to check on the kiddos before going back to bed until they got up. 
Audrey and Jordan were missing.  Right out of their beds.  Gone. 
Casey and Zach were sleeping soundly, still in their own beds.  The other two were gone. 
I hope I never get that awful feeling in my stomach ever again.  I can't even put it into words, how it felt to wake up and see practically half of my entire family MISSING.  I can hardly even write about it. 

So of course, I woke Eugene up frantically.  He, half asleep, laughed it off and said they were probably planning a Halloween prank.  I repeated my sentence: "Audrey and Jordan are missing!"  and he came to his senses quickly. 

We wasted no time waking everyone else up, asking if they'd seen or heard something through the night.  Zelia was livid.  I feel that she, given the chance, would have happily torn those two Mattel dolls limb for limb.  She might have had to stand in line. 
Ray was angry at himself.  He, for some reason, thought it his fault - being a light sleeper, he thought he should have heard something, woken up, and caught them in the act.  Zelia had to talk him down.  I haven't seen him so furious in a long time. 
Fitz left to tell Zarina, and by the time the both of them (and Belle) came to the table, Casey and Zachary were up.  We explained the situation to Casey, and then Zarina told me she would stay behind with Casey and Zach. 
So then the search commenced. 
The search party consisted of Eugene, Zelia, Ray, Fitz, Belle, and I.  You would think we would either run into Tangled Fan during this time or run into those two awful dolls - I don't even know their names - but we didn't.  All day, we searched and searched for our girls.  We didn't find them.

For almost an entire week, we hunted for them.  We caught a glimpse of the female Barbie slipping off somewhere, but we couldn't catch her in time.  By then, Eugene's hip joints were just absolutely shot.  He had to stay back, and Zarina volunteered to take his place.  He watched Casey and Zach while we continued the search. 

FINALLY, we found them.  They had escaped, and Audrey had somehow managed to carry Jordan all the way across the room.  We found them hiding UNDER the shelving unit; she told me they'd been kept in the lowest drawer in Tangled Fan's dresser, the one she never uses.  None of us had considered looking in there; those drawers are nearly impossible to drag open for us dolls.  Anyway, Audrey was scared and hurt; Jordan was screaming.  We rushed them home. 
When they were safe and rested back on the table, they explained why they had taken them:  They had wanted to take them back not because they loved them, but because they 'owned' them.  She elaborated that she only acted excited about them when we ran across them on our day out because she was afraid to show any other emotion, thinking that they might come after them right then and there.   Safe to say, the next time we saw Tangled Fan, she told us she'd put them in a box in the attic for good. 

Yeesh.
That's the extremely compressed version.  I've never been happier to see them in my life.  Eugene's slowly on the mend.  They're home safe, and I'm pretty sure that we'll never let ANY of our kids out of sight again, not even at night xD  I can't believe them.  (The couple, not the kids.) 

I apologize for such a condensed post, but I, in all honesty, don't remember enough about to post in great detail about it.  All I know is that we were searching from sunup to sundown, desperate, and emotions were running high. It was just a blur. 

But anyway - before I start crying - I just wanted to thank you guys.  You have stuck with me through all of the absolutely INSANE year I've had the blog.  I love each and every one of you, and cannot thank you enough for following the blog to read about my - and our - insane, tangled, and emotional roller coaster rides that are bound to happen on a day-to-day basis. 
(For example: In eleven months, we've ended up with four kiddos, moved shelves countless times, made friends, lost friends, fallen and received injuries, gotten knocked out to the point of not remembering your own husband, had a baby when it's basically impossible for any other Disney doll (aside from Ariels) to do so...did I miss anything??  Probably...)
I hope we can get the time to breathe for, say, ten minutes before the next disaster?  If that ever happens, I'll post to let anyone still watching the blog know :D 
Thank you again, and...since Zachary is demanding some time with his mother (based on the loud cries and questions of  'Daddy can hold you too, right?  What's wrong, bud?'), I suppose I should stop now before either I'm a blubbering mess and have to explain to Eugene why I'm crying, or Zachary starts a full-blown hissy. 
See you all sometime, and thank you so much.  Of course, I'll leave the blog open in case you want to see old posts.  [:

A Day Out With the Kids and Some Strange....Strangers...

Bright and early this morning, we surprised the kids with a day out. 
The second we mentioned 'horses', the screaming commenced...on all counts.  Audrey started squealing and running about excitedly, then Casey followed suit; this scared Zachary, so he started screeching, and then Jordan started up just to make noise.  Yikes. 
Well, we finally got the crew rounded up and headed out for the day.  I had Pascal on my shoulder, Zach in one arm, and Casey in the other; Eugene had Audrey and Jordan.  Rather, we had them until they wanted down so they could run and play.  We let them get that all out of their system before allowing them to take turns riding the Appaloosa pony.  Eugene and I took turns leading them around and holding the two babies. 

Let me tell you, that was a really patient pony.  It let them ride...and ride...and ride...and ride.  We even held Jordan up in the saddle for a few minutes, and she of course loved it as well.  After they finished up riding, we let them run, play, and explore for the majority of the day.  They skipped their afternoon nap, which was not necessarily the best thing, buuut they enjoyed themselves anyway, and they were very, very tuckered out by the time we took them back to the table (:

On our walk, we came across someone....or TWO someones...that were, ah, interesting. 
A Barbie and her Prince Charming Barbie crossed paths with us.  Only...they acted all excited to see Jordan and Audrey, claiming that they used to be adoptive parents of them.  Audrey was simply ECSTATIC to see them, which confused me even more so.  Afterwards, she talked quite a bit about them, once they had left.  I'm personally a little - okay, a lot - apprehensive, but if she was happy to see them, I'm happy for her.  I just can't shake feeling that something's going to happen, though.  I'm not including any pictures of them because they don't know A) who I am; a blogger, and B) I don't want to post their picture everywhere because I don't know THEM!  And that's just a little creepy. 

But with that aside, I'm so happy we got to get the kids out and about today.  They really needed a day to play and tucker themselves out.  It's the best feeling in the world, watching them run and play and enjoy themselves!  I don't know what I'd do without any of them! 

This Week, Flynn, and Ariel.

Soo.....This week's been interesting.  On Wednesday, Tangled Fan decided to turn her room upside down in an attempt to clean it. 
She thought it was an excellent idea to cram alllll of us on one side of the table. 
All of us. 
Ariel's been constantly trying to get a rise out of me - via insulting me or my children or trying to get Logan's attention by paying attention to Eugene.
I'm pretty sure that yesterday, Eugene was about ready to clock someone upside the head.  He was pretty irritated.  And by someone, I mean Ariel, Logan, or Punzie --Logan because he won't control Ariel. 
(Although, what's he going to do, really??  I don't think she CAN be controlled!)   

Today was probably the worst of things.  Zelia and Ray went for a walk, and Logan and Fitz went elsewhere to talk about girls.  It was just Eugene, Zarina, Belle, Punzie, Piper, Emma, Ariel, and I - and the kiddos, of course; and Merida, who didn't really talk much. 
(You can see the wad of blankets on the one edge there,  it's because it's been SUPER COLD the past few nights.  Ugh...)
Belle and I just talked for a good while, and Zarina hung out with Casey as long as Casey wanted. 
Everything was okay until Ariel walked over to me when Zach started whimpering - just because he was sleepy, mind. 
"He's blind, right?"  Ariel asked. 
I looked up warily at her.  "Yes, why?" 
"I was going to say...no wonder if he cries so much, since you're always holding him.  Even he wouldn't want to see your face.  But then again, since he's blind...no surprise, I guess.  Nothing perfect could--"
I jumped up.  If I wouldn't have had Zachary in my arms, I would have probably done something less-than-nice. 
"You know what, Ariel?  Don't even say it.  He's perfect just as he is.  You can insult and harass me all you want, but don't you DARE say a word about my children.  Got it?" 
She threw her head back to expose her long, pale throat.  Laughing, she shook her head.  "The only way to get to you is through your kids!" 
"Why do you have to torment her in the first place, Ariel?"  Eugene stood up, setting Audrey up with Casey and Zarina.  He put a hand on my shoulder.  "You don't have to, you know.  I know I'd really appreciate it if you'd let her and the kids be." 
She shook her head.  "You are all too sensitive." 
"And you're too INsensitive," I mumbled.  I didn't dare say it too loud. 

This went on almost all day.  She knew now that she could get a brilliant rise out of me if she said something about the kids.  I'm just glad she didn't say or do anything to the kids directly.  That's when I think I'd snap.  I won't bother her if she harasses me about how I'm stupid and not pretty, how I dress 'sloppily', how simple I am...but if she as much as touches a hair on one of the kids' heads....that means war. 

But regardless....as if Ariel wasn't enough (Punzie hasn't been as cruel, surprisingly), Flynn has taken to creating new emails and accounts simply to harass me.  Every time I block him, he emails me from a different, new account.  I'm not even going to post a word of what he's said, but here's the rundown of what he's telling me: 
-I'm an idiot
-I'm an idiot for not deleting my blog after the first time he started emailing me
-Eugene should have left me when he got the chance (when he went missing)
-I'm so bland
So on and so forth, the reason I refuse to post his messages directly on here is because of the content.  Who knew a doll could be so...so...vulgar and crude?  Yikes. 
I hate how between the two of them, they're making me start to think about how truly bland I am compared to, say, Ariel - and even Belle.  They're both pretty (despite Ariel's personality), dress well, (although Ariel's dress is fairly inappropriate) and they aren't insecure or easily upset.  I don't wish I could be like Ariel - no, not at all - but I wish I could be less like myself -- proud of who I am, pleased with how I look, and not boring.  And I'm sure the girls would even be happier if I was more interesting.  Not, like, physical appearances-wise, but...interesting.  Able to tell them amazing stories from my past, or unafraid of letting them do things like leave the table, ride horses, etc.  You know?
I haven't told Eugene about this, of course-- he has enough on his plate, and we don't really have the privacy to talk or anything.  I certainly don't want Ariel to overhear about Flynn - who knows what she'd do or say then. 
Yippee. 

Sickness and Concerns, Plus a Save-the-Date

Jordan had a touch of the flu, and apparently, Zachary has problems with his immune syste despite the formula we gave him as a newborn, so he currently has a really bad strain of the flu.  I'm really scared for him.  I've been keeping him away from the girls, (I'm not sure how Casey and Audrey managed to stay healthy, but they did, knock on wood...And luckily, Jordan got some meds and she's okay, too.  Zach got meds, but it didn't help...) Anyway, I've been keeping him in the bedroom, and Eugene has been sleeping on the couch.  He, Zelia, and Ray have been keeping track of the girls, and I haven't left the bedroom since Wednesday evening. Eugene's not happy one bit, and neither is Casey, but I don't want them getting sick--nope, nope, nope. I'm surprised that I haven't gotten sick yet myself, but I'm sure that's coming.  I just really wish my little guy would at least show the smallest bit of improvement...he's really worrying me, and Tangled Fan said we can't do anything else and we'll just have to let it take its course.  I'd like to slap her sometimes.
On a lighter note, Pascal's been extremely conflicted as far as where to sleep.  He wants to spend time with me, but he also wants to spend time with the girls, annnd he also wants to be with Eugene.  The chameleon never even sleeps, I don't think: he just runs back and forth, checking up on and keeping watch over all of us.
With that aside, Zelia and Ray have finally set a wedding date: December twentieth.  So far away....yikes!
None of the details have been worked out, though, and Zelia said she wanted my help and was willing to hold up on planning until we were all healthy, of course.  Goodness, we have plenty of time.  Eugene and I planned ours on pretty short notice, if I remember correctly.  But regardless...Zach's just woken up, so I have to tend to him, poor little buddy...I'll talk to you guys soon.

Concerns and Zarina

Today, Zarina came over to us.  She'll probably be posting about it later; she told me she would, anyway.  Regardless, she showed up at around noon, fighting to keep from crying. 
"D-do you mind if I stay over here a-awhile?" 
We all looked up to see her standing awkwardly at the divider, choked up and looking hurt. 
I walked over to her and nodded, shifting Zachary to one arm so I could put my hand on her shoulder.  "What's wrong?" 
She shrugged, promptly clamming up and letting her hair slip down over her eyes.  I knew she was hiding something, so I led her over to sit beside me. 
Casey quickly jumped into her lap, grinning at her, and she smiled back at her.  "If something's wrong, Rina, it's okay now."  (Casey's nickname for her is Rina.) 
She cleared her throat and nodded.  I tried not to stare at her; tried not to bug her until she told me what was wrong.  Eugene did not do either of those. 
"Well, if something's the matter, you can tell us.  We won't gossip, if that's what you're worried about."  he said.  He was sitting in the wicker chair with Audrey and Jordan, and then all eyes were on Zarina, unfortunately. 
"I got into it with Ariel and Punzie.  So...earlier, everyone went for a walk except for Punzie, Ariel, Fitz, and Logan. Punzie started teasing me for reading.  Ariel joined in on it, and went as far as to take my book and throw it off of the table.  I jumped up and told them to buzz off, and basically, Ariel pushed me really hard, I tripped, and when I fell, I smacked the one side of my face off of that stupid bench over there.  She started to continue harassing me, but Fitz helped me out...I can't stand it over there!" 
I gasped, horrified.  Before I could say anything, Casey spoke up.
"Sometimes standing up for yourself gets you hurt, but it's good that you did it.  I know.  And Fitz was really nice to help you, Rina.  Why was it bad that you were reading?"
Zarina's eyes clouded with tears, and she hugged Casey.  "I know.  They were teasing me because they think it's weird to read." 
Her face contorted as she tried to understand THAT concept.  "I don't know why.."
"Me neither," she cracked a bit of a smile. 
Well, my young daughter has a better way with words than I do, apparently.  (Well, she wouldn't even have to TRY to be better than me with words!)  I was still trying to gather my thoughts!  When she noticed my struggle, she shrugged and told me I didn't need to come up with some intricate response, as she hadn't expected any. 
"I just want to stay here for a couple of hours...I had to leave that side of the shelf, I couldn't stand it anymore.  They've been so terrible!" 
"I know.  I'm sorry you have to deal with Ariel - she's pretty awful.  If you ever need to come over to talk or to just get away from them, Zarina, please don't hesitate.  You know our metaphorical door is always open, day or night."  I offered lamely.  I almost wanted to offer her to stay here, period.  She'd be better off, that's for sure.  I was worried for her. 

Well, she left at around five, once the kids had settled for a nap, and things were calm until around one in the morning.  I couldn't sleep at ALL...worrying about Zarina and Jordan, who officially has a smidgen of a cold.  It's also been really chilly by the window these past few nights, which can't help anything. 
So I was up at around one, making my rounds to make sure that the kids were all warm and comfy.  Pascal was buried deep under Audrey and Casey's blankets, as usual.  Zachary was bundled up, sleeping soundly, and Jordan, though a little stuffy, was also bundled up and sleeping well. 
When I had nothing to do and nobody to check up on, I paced the floor a little bit before heading to the windowsill to stand and look outside for awhile, trying to clear my head. 
That's about when Eugene noticed I was gone, and he made it onto the windowsill in record time. 
"There you are," he whispered.  "What's up?" 
I sighed.  "Just thinking - go back to sleep.  Someone's got to be in their right mind tomorrow," I joked. 
He instead came over and pulled me into his arms.  "Huh-uh.  It's chilly over here, c'mon.  Don't want you getting sick, either," he added when I started to shake my head. 
Disgusted, I went back with him and burrowed under the blankets, hoping that that would be the last of his questioning. 
Psshh, this is Eugene.  My husband will interrogate you until he knows exactly what's bothering you, even if it takes all day or night (or both) to drag it out of you. 
"What's my girl thinking about?" 
"Mmmh...a lot," I shrugged, and he kissed the top of my head. 
"Like what?" 
Sighing, I flopped over onto my belly so I could look at his face.  "I'm worried for Jordan.  I don't want her getting sicker, and I don't want anyone else to get sick, especially not Zach.  I'm worried for Zarina, too....I was thinking about talking to you about letting her stay here, but I-I don't know.  I don't know why I'm so worried, but I just feel like something's up." 
He nodded.  "I'll get Tangled Fan to give Jordan some meds tomorrow morning before she leaves the room.  And I know what you mean about Zarina, but I think she'll be okay.  She'll probably be fine once she settles in completely - she's much more shy than you were, so it'll probably take awhile for her to settle in.  Once she does, I'm sure she'll be okay.  She'll know who to avoid and where to go,"
"Are you sure?"  I asked.
He thought for a moment.  "No, but I'm going with my gut.  Don't worry, I'm sure she'll be okay.  And I'm sure the kiddos will be alright and we won't have an epidemic," he teased. 
I sighed, faceplanting into the bed.  "Okay.  Soo I just spent several hours worrying and obsessing over two matters that you explained out in, oh, five minutes?" 
He chuckled.  "They were valid concerns - and I didn't explain them out or anything, really...I just gave you my opinion." 
I nodded, my head still buried into the bed.  "Thank you." 
"Huh?" 
I realized that he probably couldn't understand that, seeing as I kind of had my face mashed into the bed, so I rolled onto my side, slightly embarrassed.  "Thank you." 
He chuckled, reaching to give me a quick kiss on the tip of my nose before pulling me close and promptly falling back asleep. 

What's Been Up

Hey, everyone.  It's Rapunzel...just popping in really quickly this morning before the kids get up.  I miss you guys. 
I'm trying to help Zarina learn how to get photos up on the blog, so you might get some pictures sometime soon - not sure, though.  They take awhile to load on the page, and she gets bored with it and quits - it's almost kind of amusing, actually!  She gives up way too quickly, though.  Anyway, updates on the kids..okay.  Let's see.
It stormed a couple of times last weekend, and apparently, my little boy has a similar fear of storms.  Poor little guy.  It doesn't help when he can probably sense that I'm scared, too, but I try really hard not to be. 
Casey has been giving Audrey a wide berth, usually hanging out with me or Ray.  Audrey hangs out exclusively with Zelia or Belle or goes by herself - she won't even acknowledge when I talk to her anymore.  I can't stand that...I wish I could do something for her. 
And last but definitely not least, Jordan's at least been a happy little girl.  She's pretty much the only light in this awfulness; she brings everyone's spirits up with her giggling and how she amuses herself. 

Belle has been coming over quite a bit to help out; usually in the evenings when Audrey absolutely will NOT go to bed for me.  She's been such a good help, and I feel terrible that I haven't thanked her properly yet. 
Ray and Zelia are almost always over here anymore, which is, of course, greatly appreciated, and Zarina comes over as well.  Casey's really taken to Zarina  -- which doesn't surprise me much.  I'm glad that Zarina takes the time to hang out with Casey.  That poor kid's been through so much, she needs someone to just play and have fun with.  Of course, Zarina's an adult and she's a little girl, but they get along anyway, and Zarina won't think twice about playing with her.   
Pascal's back to sticking to me like glue; like he did around this time last year.  GOSH. I can't believe that on the thirteenth of this month -- Saturday, to be exact --, I was meeting that gorgeous, perfect guy for the first time.  
Yesterday evening, Tangled Fan gave me a book (The Giver) and a flashlight, so I read a good bit of it last night.  Couldn't sleep anyway....but reading only made me miss him worse at first.  And I just couldn't help but think about all the little things I miss.  How he would hold one edge of the book and I would hold the other; how he'd get distracted and I'd catch him staring at me instead of reading.  How he'd let me cuddle up against him, how he'd kiss the top of my head and whisper 'an I love you' into my hair in the middle of reading.  How we used to spend hours reading together. 
I miss him. 
Don't get me wrong, The Giver is an excellent book so far, but I kept getting distracted, thinking about him. 
Tonight, though, I'm almost excited to read some more.  I'm hoping that throwing myself deeper into a utopia of propaganda will drown out my thoughts.  Hm.  The people in The Giver can't feel anything...that sounds pretty darn great right about now.  Honestly, the kids are the only reason I haven't gone completely insane.  Yet. 
Anyway...I'm sure you'll hear from Zarina again soon, hopefully with pictures.  I'll update you guys sometime again here. 

What's Been Up...

Hey guys...I apologize for not posting anything since...you know.
It's been a very long week and a half .  I don't know if I'll ever be the same again.  The girls have been swinging from fighting to crying nearly constantly.  Rather, Audrey does all the crying and instigates all the fighting.  Casey just doesn't know what to do; I don't either, and I'm scared that she'll run away.  Audrey has developed an extreme hatred for me, I've never seen a child with such anger aimed towards someone.  Zachary has had to learn that momma can't always carry him around, such as when I'm breaking up a fight or taking care of Jordan, and so he's been really upset and that makes me feel even worse.  He's somewhat learned to let Zelia hold him, but he doesn't like it.  And if Ray tries to hold him...let's not even mention that.

Yesterday morning at around six, I heard a small, whimpering cry.  I suppose at this point I should say that I was up this early because I have hardly slept since the 24th. Between worrying about the kids and thinking about him...I'll sleep when I'm in a trash can somewhere.
Anyway, I heard a cry that was not from either of the babies.  Stumbling out of bed, I crept out from behind the cutout to go check things out.
Casey was curled in a ball in their bed, her little shoulders heaving.  Pascal was watching her with a concerned expression, and glanced up helplessly at me.
I knelt beside the bed and put a hand over her shoulder.  "Casey, sweetie..."
She jumped, sitting up to look at me with her red, watery eyes.  Sniffling, she dipped her head in what seemed to be shame.  "I-I tried, mom...I tried not to c-cry.  I knew it would m-make you sad and...and Daddy wouldn't want me t-to...but I-I couldn't keep it i-in anymore..I-I'm sorry-"
I scooped her out of bed and carried her to my own bed. "Don't you apologize, honey.  It's...it's okay to cry.  It's not good for you to bottle it all up inside, so you cry all you need to.  I'm sorry, baby.  I'm so sorry."  I was struggling to keep my own composure, but when she buried her face into my chest and sobbed quietly, I couldn't keep it together anymore.  She cried herself to sleep, and I cried with her.  When her heartbroken sniffles faded into a shuddering sigh, I laid her down beside me and watched her sleep, keeping her close.

At eight when Zachary announced his waking with a loud cry, I got up once more.  All of the girls woke after that, and at eight-thirty, Zelia and Belle came over unexpectedly.  Zelia's been helping a lot, and I fully appreciate it, but she hadn't said anything about coming over today.

"Belle and Ray are going to take the kids to the other side to play for a little while, and you and I are going to have  a talk,"  were the first words from my sister's mouth.
"What?"  I asked.  Before she could repeat herself, I continued.  "I mean...do you really think they're going to want to play or go anywhere yet?"
"Yes," Audrey piped up.  "I wanna go somewhere where you aren't!"
I gasped, but I really should have expected it.  "Audrey..."
"No!  Don't talk.  I don't wanna talk to the person that's at fault for why my Daddy's gone!"
Casey sucked in a deep breath, but I grabbed her up before she could say anything to Audrey to defend me. 
I couldn't even think of anything to say. 
Zelia did, though.  "Audrey!  That's enough.  Apologize to your mother!" 
That's when she looked me dead in the eyes and said "I don't want to.  I don't want to call her my mother anymore, either."
I gasped.  "Audrey!  I-I'm trying my best.  I know you hate me and I know you miss Daddy, but can't you understand that I'm trying?  I miss him, too, I miss him so much. I know it's my fault, but I don't need you to remind me every single day!  I know it's hard, but can you please j-just....just accept that nothing's going to change and that you're going to be stuck with me?"  Maybe I was a little hard on her, but I didn't know how else to get her attention.  I handed Casey to Belle and then knelt to set my hands on Audrey's shoulders, meeting her reluctant brown eyes.  "Please?"
She looked conflicted for a moment, but then her eyes hardened and she pulled away from me and turned to leave with Belle, who had set Casey down and gone to get Jordan.
I stayed on my knees and stared as Belle and the girls left me alone with Zelia and Zachary.
When they were gone, a sob ripped through me.  "What am I going to do, Zelia?  My own daughter hates me!" 
She knelt beside me and pulled me into a hug.  "I'm sorry.  And I'm sorry, but we're going to have a long talk." 
I pulled away from her.  "N-no...I don't expect you to comfort me or to understand what I'm going through.  P-please..."
"But I'm your sister, and I'm the only family you have left, aside from the kids.  So spill it - talking will help you.  First off, you blame yourself?" 
"Y-yes.  He was going to talk with Tangled Fan about taking me for a walk outside, after all.  If it hadn't have been for me, he'd still be here.  And I can't help but feel that maybe when I broke up with him before we got married....m-maybe I'd been right.  He'd still be around.  I wouldn't know him, but he'd be safe.  Zelia, that wonderful, caring guy is gone because of ME!"  I fairly shouted, I was so furious with myself.  That scared Zach, who had been sleeping, and he started whimpering fearfully.  I stood up quickly and went over to him, scooping up and holding him close.  "I'm sorry.  I'm so sorry, baby.  Shh...Momma's sorry."  I bit back a sob.  I was a horrible mother.  I couldn't even do that right. 
Zelia wouldn't back down on the subject, though. 
"Rapunzel, it's not your fault or his.  It's those stupid dogs' faults.  And if he wouldn't have known you?  It would've destroyed him.  It would've destroyed you, too.  I saw you.  You gave each other a year of precious union, despite the trials you both faced.  It isn't your fault!"
"Yes it is," I whispered.  The tears were streaming down my cheeks, and I wanted to scream, to drop to my knees and cry...to collapse and never get back up again. The longer time dragged on, the more I felt alone; the longer I felt I couldn't get through this. 
Zelia grabbed my shoulders, and I get the feeling that she would've given me a good shaking if it weren't for Zachary.  "Stop it.  Snap yourself out of this, now.  I can see it in your eyes, I can see the light disappearing and I don't want to see you dead...dead inside.  Your kids need you.  You need to do this for him, you need to be the best mother you can be." 
I twisted away from her.  "Maybe I should p-put them up for adoption, then.  I'm..I'm a horrible mother.  I-I can't even imagine losing them, and it would tear me apart, but...but I have to think about what's best for THEM, right?  Not me." 
Zelia huffed, obviously disgusted with me.  "Is this all you can do?  Is...is belittling yourself all you can do?  Because those kids love you--"
"Did you hear Audrey?" 
"She'll get over it!  You and I both know that.  Are you really telling me that you'd look Casey in the eyes and tell her she's going back up for adoption, rather than sticking through and knowing that this is just the dark before the dawn?" 
I fell silent a moment, staring down at Zach's blank, sightless gaze. How could I have thought such a thing?  Shipping them all off for adoption wouldn't be the best for them.  They needed me...and I needed them.  I shook my head, tears dripping from my nose as I hung my head.  "I'm an idiot,"
"No, you just don't think clearly when you're faced with a scary situation.  I do the same thing, so it's not just you.  But...please, don't let this dark cloud consume you.  I can see it happening, and I don't like it.  You need to start getting out and doing stuff, instead of moping and thinking about him." 
I shook my head.  "I can't...not yet.  I-"
"You have to."  Zelia said firmly. 
I swallowed, moving to lay Zach back down into his bed.  "Don't you see, Zelia?  I'm back to where I was last year, only I have four children that depend on me.  I can't just go around like nothing ever happened." 
"You aren't, though!  You have me, and Belle, and Zarina....and the kids.  We'll all help with them, we already do!  I don't expect you to run around like nothing ever happened, but you can't get so withdrawn." 
I didn't really think about her, Belle, and Zarina, and kind of felt terrible for it.  I just nodded.  "I promise I won't destroy myself, but....I just need time to come to terms with it and accept that he's not coming home.  Okay?"
Zelia bit her lip, giving me a critical gaze before finally sighing.  "Fine.  Promise?" 
"I promise," I took a deep, shuddering breath in and  held it for a few seconds, trying to calm my crying.  "But what will I do about Audrey?" 
"She'll come around." 
I hope she does. 


In other news, I'm also here to tell you guys that I talked with Zarina today, and she expressed an interest in blogging.  She's going to become a contributor on this blog, just to test the waters and see if she likes it.  This will also help me out, because I just can't juggle four little ones along with blogging, not right now, at least.  So you'll be hearing more from her; someday she may start her own blog, but for now she'll just post on here.  She'll, of course, label her posts to separate them from mine. 
I'm sure I'll talk to you guys sometime, though; don't worry. 

August 23rd-24th, 2014

The night of the 24th, Eugene and I went to sit on the windowsill and stargaze for awhile.  Unfortunately, the night quickly turned overcast and it started to rain, so we instead just sat and enjoyed one another's company, just like we'd done so many times before.  At one point, he pulled me a bit closer to him and kissed my forehead. 
"I can't believe that in just a couple of weeks, you'll have been here for a year.  It feels like we've known each other forever, but at the same time, it feels like time's flown.  Or is it just me?" 
I was surprised.  I hadn't really given much thought to how long I'd been here - plus, the fact that sometimes I couldn't remember when I had really arrived here put a damper on things - but it sure didn't feel like a year!  Grinning, I sighed.  "I can't believe it, either.  Out of my almost four years of being a doll, this has been the best year of my life!" 
"You know what?  I think we need to go for a walk tomorrow.   Just you and me.  Not for the whole day, of course, but we could when Zach settles down for a nap.  You know he's pretty regular with his nap schedule, so we could sneak out for a little while during his afternoon nap.  I already talked with Zelia, and she said she'd be happy to watch the girls for us if we need her to," he said, giving me a hopeful gaze.
I giggled.  He'd thought every single little thing out.  "Well...you know how busy I am..." I teased. 
"Oh, yes.  You're hardly around - you're almost always over on the other side of the table, having important discussions with everyone over there.  And--" he teased. 
Laughing, I shoved him playfully.  "Of course I want to go for a walk.  We haven't done so in AGES,"
"I know.  We need to take the girls for a walk someday soon, too.  I'm sure they'd want to ride - maybe we'll do that after Zach doesn't need his formula stuff anymore.  Then we can make a day out of it,"
I nodded.  "Definitely!"


The next morning, I woke up at seven with Zach, who was crying.  I promptly got him to go back to sleep, and by the time I got back to bed, Eugene was up.
"Morning," I whispered, crawling back into bed and turning to face him. 
"Good morning, beautiful," he smiled sleepily - his usual morning greeting.  Funny how I've known him for almost a year, and we've been married for almost ten months, but he can still give me butterflies.  "Are the kids asleep?" 
"Yeah...Zach woke up for a little bit, but I got him to go to sleep again," I told him. 
"Okay.  So...you looking forward to our walk today?  I am,"
I nodded, grinning and leaning over to give him a quick kiss.  "Yup!" 
After that, we just whispered sweet-nothings while we waited for the kids to wake up.
When the kids got up, Eugene made sure that everyone was going to behave, and then he went to go ask Tangled Fan if we could possibly go outside to walk - a very rare treat.  

At promptly two-thirty-one PM, Zachary went to sleep for his afternoon nap.  Eugene wasn't back, though.  It was safe to say that I was getting really worried, but there wasn't anything I could do except sit around and wait - and that was killing me.

When Tangled Fan came in at around three, I raced over to the edge of the table and started waving frantically, trying to get her attention.  It worked, and so I waited anxiously until she came over. 
"What's up?"  she asked. 
"Where's Eugene?"  I asked. 
"He's not up here?"  was her response.
"No, he was going to go ask you something...he left at around nine this morning," when I saw the confusion on her face, I trailed off.  My stomach twisted. 
"I haven't seen him  - but the dogs were in and out a lot today.  They may have taken him, and you know what that means, right?" 
I did.  The tales of what Tangled Fan's dogs did to us dolls were pure horror stories.  The lucky ones came out alive with mashed, chewed up limbs.  The unlucky ones...well...were dismembered.  The only two ways you can kill a doll?  Dismembering it completely or severe head trauma of some sort.
I stared at her in horror before slowly shaking my head.  "No...no.  He can't....he couldn't have been taken by the dogs...." I felt lightheaded, and slowly sank to my knees.  My head was swimming. 
"Don't freak out yet.  Maybe he got lost - It's a big house for you dolls--"
"He wouldn't get lost," I mumbled.  My lips felt numb and immovable.  "He knows his way around your house." 
She shook her head.  "I'll go search for him outside, then.  I'm sorry, but it's probably not gonna be a good outcome."
That's when Casey came over. 
"Did Daddy leave us?  Is it my fault?" 
I glanced over at her and saw the look of sheer sorrow on her face.    "No, honey.  It's not your fault, and he d-didn't leave us, not willingly...I-I don't know....I don't know what's going on."  I pulled her into my lap, and she buried her face up against my chest.  I looked back up, but Tangled Fan was gone.
It wasn't Casey's fault he'd left the table this morning; it was mine.  If it weren't for my stupid self, he'd still be here with his family, where he should be. 
I was too shocked to cry, but I tried to keep a positive frame of mind until Tangled Fan came back.  Maybe he WAS just lost...

Tangled Fan came back an hour later, shortly after I'd put the girls to bed for their afternoon nap.
She held a single brown boot in her hand, shaking her head. 
"This is all I found of him."
The single, small indent on the top only pointed to one culprit: a dog.
I felt every ounce of strength drain from my body, but I somehow managed to stay upright.  Coldness draped over me from head to toe like a sheet of ice.  I nodded slowly, staring not at Tangled Fan but at the boot she held loosely in her right hand. 
When she left, I still remained standing at the edge of the table; head hanging, stock still.  He was gone.  My husband...the love of my life, the one who I knew I could trust 100%...he was gone. 

"Rapunzel?"  Zelia asked.  "W-what.....what happened?" 
I jumped when she put a hand on my shoulder, and slowly turned to look at her.  She held an expression of concern, which was rare for her. 
I could hardly make my mouth or throat move, but I somehow managed to spit it out.
"Eugene...t-the dogs...the dogs got after him...he's...." I trailed off and gulped,  "he's gone."  Suddenly, a wave of emotion hit me, and a throbbing pain spread through my heart into my stomach and head.  My arms and legs felt as though there were shackles chaining me to the table; I couldn't move. 
Zelia gasped.  "Oh...oh, no..." she grabbed me into a hug, and that's when I lost it.  Hot tears streaked down my cheeks as I wept into my sister's shoulder, and she cried with me. 


The day dragged.  I couldn't wrap it around my head that my husband wasn't coming back. 
Telling the girls that their dad wasn't coming back was the worst thing I have ever done.  Audrey overheard me talking to Zelia about why he had left earlier this morning, and now my daughter hates me: as she should.  It's my fault.  If it weren't for me, they'd still have their dad. 
Jordan doesn't understand why everyone is crying, but she knows that she doesn't like it, and so she's been fussy all afternoon.  Zachary's uncharacteristically quiet.
Tangled Fan came in later to talk to me; she offered to let us do a funeral service, but I refused.  Those who knew and cared about him already knew about his likely death; we were mourning and a funeral service wouldn't help with closure if we didn't even have the remains. 

It didn't truly hit me until that night.  I put all the kids to bed and had a quick talk with the girls before bed. 
"If either of you can't sleep, let me know, okay?  Come back and you can sleep with us--er..me.  I...I'm sorry.  I-if you, um...just...don't be afraid to come to me.  I love you girls so much...and Daddy did, too." 
I gave both of them tight hugs, and Casey gave me a shaky smile.   
"It'll be okay, mommy.  I don't want to cry or be sad, because I know he wouldn't want us to be sad." 
I almost lost it right then and there.  "Y-you're right, baby.  Good night...try to get some rest.  I love you both."  
I tucked them in a bit tighter, gave them both kisses on their foreheads (despite Audrey's disgust), made sure that Pascal was in bed with them, and then went behind the cutout.  I kept it together until I had the bed made.  On a normal night, he'd come back and slip his arms around my waist right about now, hugging me before crawling into bed and letting me rest my head on his chest while we talked about the day, usually until one or both of us fell asleep. 
 I honestly don't know how long I cried, and my chest was so tight that I could barely breath.  My stomach churned, and tears slipped from my cheeks and splashed onto the blanket that should have been covering my husband as he slept peacefully...Where he had been doing just that twenty-four hours ago.  It was all I could do to keep from screaming, it hurt so much.  I didn't know how I could live with this; how I could live with this guilt and loss and on top of that, four little kids and one of which who hates me now, and....and how on earth could I be strong enough for them?  One way or another, I was going to have to be. 

In my silent, painful desolation, I heard a small cry that was not my own...Zachary. 
Forcing myself to pull it together, I stumbled out of bed and went to go pick him up. 
"S-s-shhh, honey...Momma's got you," I whispered, holding him close until his sniffles subsided.  When I crept back to bed, I covered both of us up and let him sleep on my chest, willing my own spasmodic breaths to slow.  Zachary was all I had left of Eugene, really.   How ironic that his miraculous birth had happened not even two weeks before Eugene died...if I would have gone my entire term, my husband wouldn't have been there for his birth, and Zachary wouldn't have known his father.  I squeezed my eyes against a fresh wave of pain, and told myself that I needed to keep myself together.  The kids needed me - all of them, especially Audrey and Casey. 

Meet Zach, and a Photoshoot [=

Yup....this basically shows how chaotic our family photoshoot went.  :P 
I'm sure some of you will be pleased to know that Mr. Zachary is making his debut on the blog today....I wanted a certain picture of him to be the first photo on this post, but Blogger is being weird and wouldn't put the photos in the order I wanted them.  Ugh. 
But anyway, without further ado...

Our family photoshoot.  At least, the pictures that are the least chaotic! :P 

I know...this picture's at a TERRIBLE angle, but that was Eugene randomly bending to kiss the top of his son's head.

For all you Sherlock fans...(if there are any that read the blog...I haven't watched BBC's Sherlock yet -can't find it online-but Tangled Fan talks about it a lot...) here's your chance to shine and play Sherlock Holmes himself: 

What can you deduce by the picture above? 
I'll keep typing random stuff to make a little bit of a space between the picture and the next picture (which should be a dead giveaway) so you can try your hand at deduction. 

 

Was your guess correct?

Can you figure it out with this picture? 
If not...
*sigh.*  Fine.

Zelia. 
Is. 
ENGAGED!!!!!!!!!!

He proposed...ohh, what day was it?  Around the middle of the week.  Tuesday or Wednesday, I think?  It's all a little blurry.  All I know is that A) My sister is good at pulling a poker face and B) Zelia and Ray weren't amused that Tangled Fan made them have a photoshoot.  I'd be surprised if Tangled Fan came out of that photoshoot unscathed from burning remarks :P 

Anyway, the story of their proposal? 

Zelia was just sitting quietly beside me, holding Jordan, when she leaned over to me and said, "I'm engaged.  Ray proposed this morning...I left the ribbon on the other side of the table, though."
I almost screamed, but Zach had finally gone to sleep, so I just bit my lip until the urge to freak out passed, and then I squeaked, "Oh my gosh....oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh ZELIA!" 
She gave her classic, 'I don't get why you're so excited' eye roll, but her smile betrayed her. 
They haven't planned anything yet, and Zelia said that they are currently just wanting to take things slow "since they've only known each other since May" (Eugene and I only knew each other for two and a half or three months before we got married, if I remember correctly...) but that's fine and exactly typical of them :D

Of course, Zelia and Ray were giving Tangled Fan issues about taking photos.  Of course, Zelia being the tomboy that she is, she could care less about pictures, and Ray is quiet and doesn't care for attention being drawn to him, likely a side-effect from being ashamed of having temper issues...so she pretended to not be paying attention to them.  And this is what she got:

                                                                              ....

And this was when they realized what Tangled Fan had just done!
:P 
After our photoshoot, we headed back to the table.  Thank GOODNESS we're only feeding Zach four times a day.  Eugene and I were sooo fried from being up all hours of the day and night.  Zelia helped, and Belle and Ray as well - every once in awhile, which was very much appreciated, but it was still a loooong week.  The problem with being up with him every two hours?  He's decided that he's a momma's boy.  Anyone else is simply unacceptable.  He's never seen me, or anyone else for that matter, but he knows who's holding him.  And he knows that it is NOT momma.  Oh my gosh, the child can scream!  (This was decided and found out about three days after he was born, when Eugene went to feed him at three in the morning.) 
Anyway. 

(Random cute picture of Jordan with Pascal, just because she's cute :P)

And I also really like this picture, except for the fact that my hair is in it xD  They sat down to have a very important discussion (who got to play with Pascal after Jordan went to sleep) and Jordan was just intrigued. 

....And WE sat down for a very important discussion.  More like trying to drag wedding ideas and details out of them.  We failed.  :P 

THIS is the picture I wanted at the top of this post.  His eyes cleared up a tiiiiny, minute bit, but he's still 100% blind, and Tangled Fan said he'll stay that way forever.  Oh well - he's fine as he is....pink ribbon and all.  (Okay, so I still have a problem with the pink ribbon, but that was Tangled Fan's doing.)

Everybody Cry Now!

Hot water soaks are tolerable. 
Cold water soaks, however, are NOT. 
Apparently, Belle came over to meet Zach (Zachary)  while I was in the hour-and-a-half long soak it took to get my plastic down to normal; and Eugene filled me in when I got back at around two in the afternoon. 
"Cooold, cold, cold, cold, cold water soaks STINK," I whimpered, rushing behind the cutout to get my usual purple dress on.  Ooh, it felt good to have that dress back on!  As I brushed through my hair, Eugene watched me and talked.
"Belle came over to see him, and she offered to help us with feedings -- Zelia, too.  I'm sure we could work out shifts so two of us are awake through the night, and the other two are awake through the day to feed him.  Then we wouldn't be as brain-dead as we were from feeding him all through last night by ourselves.  Anyway, she says he's the most perfect baby boy she's ever seen, and is completely enamored with him.  Ray came over with Zelia for awhile--oh, and Zelia said she wants to talk to you later.  Anyway, you would never have guessed how good Ray is with the girls.  I think they've taken quite a shining to him, Audrey and Casey.  Can you believe it?" 
I shook my head, grinning.  "Never.  Especially not after how he went on about me...but then again, I guess my sister was the same way.  He's virtually the male, blue-eyed and ginger-haired version of Zelia, for goodness' sake!  And a bit less friendly, though.  They really like Zelia, so I guess I could see them liking Ray."  I finished brushing my hair and turned to look at him.  "There!  Done." 

His face split into that special grin of his, and he slid off the bed to come over and set his hands around my waist.  "And gorgeous, as always." 
"Hmm...I'm just glad to not have all that weight in the front anymore, or worry about being clumsy," I said. 
"Yeah - I don't know about you, but I was kind of a wreck, worrying that you'd trip and hurt yourself or the baby.  Now I just have to worry about YOU when you fall, and not TWO!"  he winked, kissing the tip of my nose. 
I wrinkled my nose in response, but I reached to hug him.  He gave me a big bear hug, which warmed me from the inside out...but a second later, I heard a loud wail.  Zachary.  He might be 'weak', supposedly, but he can still scream very loudly.  That set Jordan off, and...yeah. 
"Mom-MA!!" Audrey screeched.  "We're trying to play!" 
I giggled, pulling away to meet his eyes.  "Never a dull moment, huh?" 
"Nope," he chuckled, letting me go see to the kiddos. 
Zelia was holding Zach, but that didn't help his dilemma, whatever it was.  "He might be blind and only a day old, but he knows who is and isn't his mother, that's for sure..." she had a look of bewilderment plastered across her face, and had no qualms about passing him over to me.  Sure enough, a few quiet words of reassurance later, I had him calmed down and happy again.  Whew.  Maybe letting him sleep on my chest last night hadn't been the best idea, because he's been inseparable all day.  I can only imagine what they went through when I went to have my soak!  Once he had calmed down, I handed him off to his father before reaching for Jordan, who was still sobbing.  I got her calmed down, too, and started bouncing her on my hip, which made her giggle. 
And then Zach started crying again. 
Audrey groaned - loudly - and Casey looked like SHE was about to cry, too, but out of frustration.  It had been a long night for everyone last night, so of course, we had two grumpy girls to deal with today as well.  Belle promptly offered to take them for a walk, just to get them away from the babies.  She hardly waited for an answer before gathering them up and heading off of the table. 
I turned back from watching Belle leave with the girls, and saw Eugene frantically trying to get Zach to calm down.  It only made things worse, it seemed. 
Oh boy. 
"Trade?"  he asked, giving me a desperate, pleading stare. 
I juggled Jordan over to him, taking Zachary instead. 
"Hey, you....you need to learn to let Daddy hold you, too..." I kissed his forehead, and he almost immediately calmed down. 
Just in time for JORDAN to start crying, mad because I'd given her over to Eugene. 
Zelia fairly cackled.  "Ohhh, what have you two gotten yourselves into?" 
I flashed her a LOOK, and she promptly shut up. 

That's basically how the day went.  Pascal hid himself behind the cutout under a blanket and I haven't seen him since.  Good choice, if you ask me!  xD
 At around three, Jordan and Zach finally went to sleep -- at the same time, imagine that! -and Eugene promptly collapsed on the bed for a nap, too.  With two hours to go until Zachary's next feeding, I sat down with Zelia. 
"So...I heard you wanted to talk about something?" 
She sighed.  "Uh...well..no.  Never mind - you've got your hands full right now, and I'm sure you'd prefer sleep-"
"Nope.  I'm okay," I said--even though sleep sounded heavenly right now.   
"Okay.  Well..um....how do you know if you love someone?  Like...you know.  How did you feel when you knew you were in love with Eugene?"  she cleared her throat and looked at me sheepishly. 
 Well.
That was kind of unexpected...but then again, it wasn't.
"Well...." I took a deep breath.   "From what I can remember of the first time I fell in love with him - which, I can remember almost everything by now - I...I don't know.  You just feel...right.  You can't bear to be away from him, you could spend ages just sitting or talking with him, and you don't even really need to talk - just his presence is enough to satisfy you.  He's there for you when you need him the most, and he doesn't judge or criticize you  for who you are.  I don't know..." I trailed off, dropping my gaze down to my lap. 
She nodded.  "Thank you...I never thought I'd ever be asking my little sister for advice like that!" 
"Ray?"  I asked. 
"Yes.  He just....we had a rocky start, and I thought I'd kill him if I had to spend one more day with him when I first met him, but now..."
"There's something sweet, and almost kind...but he was mean and he was coarse and unrefined!  But now he's dear, and so unsure...you wonder why you didn't see it there before?"  I paraphrased "Something There" from Beauty and the Beast, and she laughed. 
"Basically.  I just....I want to tell him, but I'm terrified that I'll screw up and ruin our friendship.  I don't know how he feels because, oh - guess what?!  He's just like me!"  she buried her face in her hands.  I'd never seen my sister in such a state!
"Tell him," I said.  "I'm pretty sure he'll not mind." 
"But-"
I repeated myself, and she sighed, nodding.  "I'm just scared." 
"Don't be," I reached to give her a hug, but she pulled away, making weird, choking noises. 
"Nope.  No mushiness, nope, nope, nope." 
I giggled.  "Ohh, sister-mine...I thought you had changed.  Not much, huh?" 
"Don't you DARE think that this means I'm a mushy fool!" 
I instead slugged her playfully on her shoulder.  "I know." 

That night, Zelia said she would come to take her first shift feeding Zachary at one o'clock AM.  I stayed up after Eugene had gone to bed, because Zach was very fussy, still.  I was pretty frazzled by the time I'd gotten him to go to sleep at midnight, and then I sat around and waited for Zelia. 
When she finally came at one, I showed her what she'd need to do to feed him, watched to make sure that he'd go back to sleep for her, thanked Zelia, and then went to bed, praying I could get away long enough to get a few hours of sleep.  I was still kind of achy, and was beyond tired! 
When I'd changed into my nightie, I crawled into bed....and then I heard Jordan wake up and start to cry. 
Eugene, who must not have been totally asleep, promptly snagged my arm. 
"I'll get her, honey, you go to sleep," he whispered  before leaving. 
I curled up on my side, thinking about how chaotic the day had been.  The two older girls were crabby and a bit disgusted with the newest addition needing so much attention, Jordan was just incredibly hard to please today, and...Zach, of course....need I explain?  Would it be like this forever?!  Would Zach ever stop being so clingy to me?  I buried my face in the blankets and tried not to get worked up or worried about it.  Hah, like THAT would happen!
Just a minute later, Eugene came back.  "Zelia took care of her," he mumbled, collapsing in bed and yawning loudly before pulling me close up against him.  "Love you." 
"Love you, too,"  I said...but I must've sounded a little choked up. 
"You okay?"  he peeled one eye open, reaching to stroke some hair away from my face.
"Yes...I'm fine.  I'm just....overwhelmed right now," I bit my lip. 
"I know.  But things will calm down soon, I'm sure!  Everyone was just ticked off today because we all had a long night last night.  I promise, everything will work out.  Now, get some sleep, beautiful," he winked, giving me a sleepy grin. 
Sleep. 
Sounded good to me! 

And baby makes....six!

--Eugene
At two this morning, my very pregnant wife woke me up.
"Eu..Eugeeene!  Get up!" she wailed, and from that, I could assume that I had been hard to wake up.
"I'm up, I'm up...what?" I mumbled in my half-awake state.  When I saw her pained face, tears streaking down her cheeks, I flew upright.
"T-the baby's coming and you need to take the girls to Zelia because I don't want to wa...wake them up--oooh!" she gasped, clutching her stomach and curling around it, panting.
"You can't be!  You have three weeks to go, three weeks!" I exclaimed.  Three weeks left in a term is the human equivalent of three months left in a term.
"Well, it's coming, and I don't think I can change that!" she gasped, giving me a pleading look.  My eyes widened as I realized that it was really, truly happening, I propelled myself out of bed and scrambled to get the girls over to Zelia --albeit quietly...I didn't wake any of the girls, luckily.

When I got back, Pascal was on the bed, staring at Rapunzel with concern. I picked him up off of the bed and let him settle on my shoulder, leaning some of my weight on the bed as I looked at my girl.  She was flat on her back, her breath coming out in hot, fast puffs, and her face was contorted and twisted all up in pain.  I hated seeing her like this! 
"I'm scared," she whispered, rolling her eyes up to me. 
I was, too...I was flat out terrified!  I didn't want to lose my girl again, and I didn't want anything to happen to our child, either.  My heart started pounding as I realized that a  lot of things could go wrong, and that the baby would most likely than not have problems or maybe not even live.  But I couldn't tell her that, now could I?! 
"Don't worry.  Everything will be okay, I promise," I said, leaning to kiss her forehead. 
Wrooong move.
She shoved me away with surprising strength.  "Don't touch me!  And how dare you promise something like that?!  I'm not stupid, and I don't believe in filling someone with f-false...promises!"  she paused, letting a loud cry out as she clutched her midsection.
"Okay, okay, I'm sorry," I backed up, and she squeezed her eyes shut for a few minutes, trying to catch her breath.  When she opened them, she frantically looked towards me. 
"Don't leave!  I-I need you here!"
"I'm not going anywhere, I just backed up because you told me-"
"I know, but I don't know what I'm sa--ohhh, wow...what I'm saying..." she panted.  "When does this even end?!" 
"I don't know, honey...I'm sorry.  You can do it, though...if I could do this for you, trust me...I would," I told her, stepping forward and wincing when she suddenly gasped, her entire back arching as she wailed.  Her shaky hand grabbed for mine and held it in a complete and utter death grip -- I quite honestly didn't know she could hold my hand that tightly, and I'm surprised she didn't crumple my plastic!

At seven o'clock, the baby boy was born, after a very, very long five hours.  She'd had quite a bit of trouble, but she was okay.  The baby was born....choking and barely breathing; his skin rapidly turning from a reddish color to purple. 
I don't know how that girl managed to fly upright as quickly as she had, seconds after giving birth to said child, but she immediately broke down sobbing. 
"Bring....bring him to me," she managed breathlessly, and I did, not sure what to do.  I didn't want him to die.  I didn't want my wife to watch her newborn son die, and I sure didn't want to watch him die, either.  But I did as she asked, and she quickly took him from me, turning him so his back was to her, and she quickly started patting and rubbing his back vigorously, begging him to start breathing in between choked prayers.  Tears streaked down her face when nothing happened.  I held my own breath, praying myself that he would, somehow, make it.
And then he made a small, bleating cry.
She gasped, stopping her vigorous attempts to make him breathe and turning him around to face her. 
"He's alive.  He's okay, Eugene..." she sighed, and a completely joyous smile lit her face when he cried louder.  "I've never been so happy to hear a baby cry in my life!" 
"Me neither," I loosed the breath I'd been holding before I eased myself down on the bed beside her.  "You did a great job, baby.  And on top of that, you saved him.  I was too slow to know what to do," I admitted truthfully. 
She nodded, lifting his little blond head up to kiss it. 
I was  beyond happy to have a son.  While he would never grow any bigger, it was still nice to have a boy amongst all my girls -- although I wouldn't trade any of them for the world.  And I would've taken another daughter just as quickly as a boy, don't get me wrong!  I slipped one arm around my girl's tired shoulders, leaning to look down at his little face.

We eventually got him dressed in Jordan's night-clothes, which were rarely used (they were long-sleeved and were footed, so that in the summer is  a huge nope.  She always has a fit if we put her in it for nighttime).  It's partly made of pink gingham, but it was all we had, so it would have to work....and soon after, his eyes opened.
Instead of being clear and colored, his eyes were cloudy and ice-blue. 
"D-do you think he's...blind?"  she whispered. 
I'd never seen anything like it.  "I don't know," I wondered if he would track movement yet or not....probably not. "Let's not worry about it until we know for sure, though.  What boy names do you like?" 

At nine, Tangled Fan came into her room for something, and I was able to get her attention. She quickly whisked him off before even asking if it was a boy or a girl, the first words out of Rapunzel's words were asking if he was blind, and she ignored anything else. 

He came back with a pink ribbon...glued to his head; and also pronounced blind and weak but otherwise healthy; he would need some sort of powdered mixture added to some water every two hours for the first week of his life, and then four times a day for the next two. 
Rapunzel focused on the ribbon. 
"Pink?  Why would you put pink on a boy?!" she hissed between her teeth, more than just annoyed. 
"Boy?"  Tangled Fan crumpled her nose in confusion. 
"Yes! It's a boy!"  she yelled.  I put a hand on her shoulder, trying to silently warn her to settle down. 
"It's....oh wow, I'm so sorry.  You see, I have this system where I put ribbons on every baby's head: pink for babies that have parents, and yellow - like Jordan's -- for orphans.  It's so I don't accidentally give someone's kid away."
"Well, can't you make a blue ribbon for boys?  How many others have you--"
"You're the first to have a baby boy!  Boys are extremely rare," she explained.  "That's why I didn't even ask." 
"Well, can't you take it off?" 
"It's super-glued on there.  You're not getting that off without taking his entire head off.  I'm sorry," she said. 
Rapunzel groaned.  "It's fine, I guess...but it's..."
"What about his blindness?"  I broke her off, wondering about the more important issue at hand.  "And will he be okay, and get stronger?" 
"Yes, and yes.  I'll get you guys what you need to give to him, and as far as his blindness, you'll just have to be more vigilant with him; make sure he doesn't roll off of places and get hurt, because he'll be prone to doing that, of course.  And he might be more easily scared, too, so just keep that in mind."   Rapunzel nodded, her eyes filling with tears, and Tangled Fan continued.  "And as for your extra belly, I did some research.  I'll come back tomorrow to take you to a hot water soak, and then you'll have to sit in a cold water soak for half an hour.  That'll bring you down to your normal size, all in one shot." 
"Tomorrow?  Can't we wait -- at least until he's not on that...that formula mix stuff anymore?" 
"No.  The sooner you get rid of that belly, the easier and better it will be," she said.  "Now, I'm going to go gather stuff up to make that mixture, and then I'll make a blanket for him - neutral colors, I promise." 
And with that, Tangled Fan handed the baby back to us and left.
I glanced down at the pink ribbon now glued on his head, and sighed.  It did bother me a little, too, but what could we do about it now?
Rapunzel, however, burst into tears.  "I'm a horrible mother!" 
"Wait, what?"  I looked up from the baby to see her face.  Shifting him around in my arms, I furrowed my brows and stared at her. "Why?" 
"I'm such an idiot, that's why!  I was so f-focused on that stupid ribbon that I forgot to ask about his health!" she cried, burying her face in her hands, her shoulders shaking.
I reached to put a hand on one of her shoulders.  "Hey.  That's why there's two of us -- so one can ask the questions that the other forgets!" 
"B-but I-"she lifted her head and met my gaze with her watery, red-rimmed green eyes. 
"No  buts.  And by the way, you're the one who got him breathing normally, so you're obviously not an idiot," I reminded her, removing my hand from her shoulder so I could swipe at her tears.
She gulped, giving a shudder-y sigh and nodding before dropping her gaze to the baby. 
"What should w-we name him?  We discussed a lot of different names..." she trailed off, trying to think. 
"Phil, Cody, Jason...uh...Clark, James, Zachary...Chris, Ryan, Jeremy, and Grant."  I filled in. 
We went back and forth a little between Zachary and Jeremy, but finally decided that Zachary fit best.
"So....Zachary it is," she smiled finally, moving so she could plop a quick kiss on his forehead. 
Right after that, Tangled Fan came back and gave us all the stuff we'd need in order to feed him, showed us how to feed him, and gave us a timer thing to help us keep track of when we'd need to feed him again.  When she left, I turned to Rapunzel, who was watching him sleep. 
"You need to get some rest, sweetie.  Why don't you curl up in with him, and I'll go talk to Zelia and the girls and tell them how everything went?"  I suggested. 
"No...I'm fine.  I want to see my girls," she said...yawning.  Her eyelids fluttered. 
" 'I'm fine', says the girl who can hardly stay awake long enough to answer me," I teased.  "C'mon.  You'll get to see the girls later." 
"But-" she started to protest, so I put a finger over her lips. 
"Nope.  You need to get some rest - Tangled Fan even told you to!  Just remember that we'll be up through all hours of the night, feeding him."  I reminded her. 
She sighed.  "Fine.  But what if something happens to him while I'm asleep?  What if I roll over and--"
"He'll be okay - you don't move around much in your sleep unless something's really bothering you.  Just don't think about that pink ribbon, and you'll not move a centimeter.  Just keep him close and away from the edge of the bed, and he'll be okay," I told her, teasing her about that ribbon. 
Rolling her eyes (although the corner of her lips betrayed her by twitching up into a small smile), she nodded.  "Okay, if you're sure." 
"I'm positive," I told her, taking Zachary from her until she got settled down into the bed on her side.  I set the baby down beside her, spread the covers over her (as she grumbled and said she could take care of herself) and then I told her I'd see the two of them later.


As soon as I went over to the other side of the table, I was nearly attacked by two rambunctious, anxious girls....and about half a dozen worried dolls.
"How did everything go?" 
"When can I see Mommy?" 
"When can I see the baby?" 
"Do I have a  new baby sister?  Oh, I hope so!"
"How's Rapunzel and the new baby?" 
"Everything went okay, right?" 
"Did you pass out like the lily-livered doll you are?" 
I laughed.  Of course that last one came from Zelia. 
"Okay...first off: no, I did not pass out.  You girls can see Rapunzel in a few hours; I finally convinced her to go to sleep while the baby slept.  I'm sorry to those who wanted another girl or a sister; it's a boy.  His name is Zachary, and he is blind and currently weak, but he's getting fed to get strengthened up, and he'll be okay.  Rapunzel's okay, too," I said as a general announcement.  Everyone went silent when they heard the 'blind and weak' part, and a somber mood replaced the excited one from moments before. 
Belle was the first to speak up.  "Well, everything went okay, and they're both healthy otherwise, right?  That is a blessing in itself.  Giving birth is not simple, from what I understand, and a lot can go wrong." 
"Especially with preemies," I added, nodding. 
Zelia nodded, glancing over at Ray, who came and put an arm around her shoulders.  "When can I see them?"  she asked. 
"In a few hours I'll come back over, and we'll figure that out," I told her.  "Where's Jordan, and were the girls good so far?" 
Casey and Audrey, who were cuddled up against my chest, nodded that they'd been good, and Zelia agreed with them. 
"Jordan's taking a nap underneath that big bench.  She woke up around four and was pretty upset, but she fell asleep again at about eleven, so that's why she's sleeping," she added. 
"Okay.  Thank you for watching them, again...especially at two in the morning," I chuckled. 
"Eh, that's what aunts are for, right?"  she laughed.  "They were asleep anyway." 
"So is that why Rapunzel was so pale yesterday?"  Zarina asked shyly, almost so quietly that I didn't hear her. 
"Yeah, most likely," I told her. 
"I thought she looked a bit off," Ariel piped up.  I nodded curtly...I didn't want her to start flirting with me. 
"And she would absolutely not tell any of us that she didn't feel well.  She just said she needed to get back to the table," Ray finished.
"She's...something else," I shook my head.

A couple of hours later, I went back to check on Rapunzel and Zachary.  I found her awake, with Pascal on the bed by her and Zachary was on her chest, his head on her shoulder.  She kept a protective hand over his back. 
"Hey, you...I thought I told you to sleep," I mock-reprimanded her, bending to kiss the tip of her nose. 
She wrinkled her nose in a way that only she could (Gosh, I love that girl...) and grinned. 
"I did, but then I fed him, and I went to go brush my hair, and he got so upset because he was all alone, I guess, and so I had to lay back down and hold him.  He just got so  frantic...I guess it was because he couldn't hear me anywhere, or see me, of course..." she said, but her grin broadened when he nuzzled his small head into the crook of her neck. "How are the girls?" 
"Anxious to see you, as are Zelia, Belle, Ray, and Zarina," I told her, sitting on the edge of the bed by her. 
"Well....bring them over!  It's only two o'clock, but  I miss my girls!"  she exclaimed quietly.  She sat up slowly, letting Zachary remain on her shoulder, and tried to stretch her back and hold him at the same time.  Pascal watched, probably wondering what on earth she was attempting to do. 
"How're you feeling?" 
"I'm fine...I mean, I'm achy, but that's to be expected!  I just want to see the rest of our brood," she giggled. 
I went back to get Zelia and the kiddos, and the two older girls took off for our side of the table at lightning speed.  When I came back to our side, Rapunzel had slipped out to sit on the couch, and the girls quickly bounced up beside her, staring at their new brother and quietly bombarding her with questions.  Zelia sat down and took Zachary from her, and I just hung back and observed.  A year ago, if you would've told me that in a month and two days I would meet my future wife and end up with four kids and...Zelia...for a sister-in-law, I would've laughed my head off.  But man, am I thankful, and I wouldn't trade this for the world!
I'm sure Rapunzel will post tomorrow, and if not, I will.  

Today's Events - and the Girls' Reactions!

~Rapunzel
Today, my entire midsection was so tight and uncomfortable that I ended up catching Tangled Fan when she came in her room to do something, asking her if something was wrong.  She took me for another hot-water soak in the sink, which felt amazing.  Until I realized that my stomach had literally DOUBLED in size!  That couldn't be right.  Could it?  When I was done with my soak, I asked her, completely terrified.  What if something was wrong, what if the baby was growing too fast...what if, what if, what if...!  Tangled Fan, after yet another awkward check-up, said that that I might be about a week further along than she'd originally thought, which makes a lot more sense.  But it's still terrifying!  She told me that my due date would probably be between August 30th and September 9th. That means that I'm almost halfway through my term.  I at least wasn't sick as a dog today, aside from my tight midsection, which was soothed when the plastic had a chance to expand to accommodate the growing baby.

When I got back to the table, Eugene was trying to get three grumpy kiddos to take their afternoon nap...which was interesting.  Jordan was sobbing, Audrey and Casey were fighting, and Eugene looked just about ready to freak out.  I immediately walked over to him, taking Jordan from his arms, and he gave me a grateful smile. 
"Talk after these crazy girls settle down for a nap?"  he asked, and I nodded, dropping my gaze down to Jordan, who was calming down. 
I took her over to the chair, sitting and hoping that nobody would notice my now very noticeable belly.  The girls still haven't found out that I'm expectant.  Anyway, I sat down in the wicker chair and laid her across my chest, letting her head rest on my shoulder.

The poor, tired little girl promptly buried her face in the crook of my neck and fell asleep.  She's such a precious little girl!  I couldn't help but smile.  Suddenly, I was back to being excited to meet this new baby.  Having two little ones would definitely be a challenge, but I was looking forward to it.

When Eugene got the two older girls to settle down and go to sleep, he came over and grinned.

"You've got better skills than I do," he whispered.  "She was screaming and...it was intense." 
I snorted, trying not to burst out laughing.  "Trying to get a baby to go to sleep doesn't seem like an activity you could call 'intense', bud..."
"Well...add two girls fighting tooth-and-nail over a chameleon and who got the pink blanket today, and it was intense."  he joked, reaching to scoop Jordan carefully off of my chest, taking her behind the cutout to her bed (we decided to move the girls' beds back there - it makes more room, and it's darker back there, so they can sleep better.)

When he came back, he promptly asked how my check-up went.  He apparently didn't even notice my belly, but then again, he was looking at my face, not my midsection.   

So I stood up - with a tiny bit of trouble - and cupped by hands underneath my belly, glancing down and biting my lip.  I'd at least doubled in width, and my back was already starting to sway outwards, which was very, very uncomfortable. 
He choked.  "Well...you've definitely got a belly now!"

For some reason, that was enough for me to burst into tears.  I just wanted to have this baby and be done with it, already...and I still have a little over a month to go...!  He realized what he'd said, and immediately started to apologize, but I turned away.

"I-I'm tired...I n-need to go t-take a nap-" I lied, tears blurring my vision as I whirled away from him. 
Wrong move.  My legs got tangled up in my hair, and I tripped and started to fall FACE-FIRST.  Luckily, I was able to jam my arms out in front of me and land on all fours so nothing happened to the baby.  Eugene was at my side in less than an instant. 
"I'm so sorry, honey...are you okay?  C'mere-" he took my elbow and helped me to my feet, but then he wouldn't let me go. 
"I-I...let go, please...I'm fine, I promise.  I just-"
"Need to tell me how your check-up went.  I'm sorry, honey..I didn't mean that the way it sounded, I was just surprised," he still held onto my arm with an incredibly tight grip. 
I sighed, rubbing at my eyes.  "It's okay.  I overreacted - as usual.  Anyway, I'm about a week further along than what she originally said I was, and my due date is between the 30th and the 9th of September.  Um...that's it."
He nodded, his eyes widening in surprise.  "Wow...how are you feeling?  Both about the closer due date and physically." 
"I-I don't know," I sighed again.  "I don't feel like throwing up, but I'm fat and I'm moody and I'm irritated with myself about my moodiness and my back hurts...and I'm terrified.  I'm completely and utterly scared to death, and I can't wait, but at the same time, I'm so scared and I just want to get this over with, and I just want to meet this baby and know that he or she will be healthy and strong and....I'm just really overwhelmed  with worrying right now," I choked. 

He promptly pulled me close, letting me rest my head on his shoulder as he ran his hands up and down my back comfortingly, plopping a kiss or two in my hair before answering. 
"I'm sorry, hon.  Let's see...I'm scared, too, if that makes you feel better.  I'm scared for the baby AND you.  Before you know it, though, we'll be greeting the newest member of our family into the world, though!  And you are most definitely not fat, you're expectant.  There's a difference - and you look just fine, beautiful as always--If not more beautiful!  Moodiness is to be expected, and it's normal, and don't get upset over your mood swings, okay, babe?" 
I sniffled into his shoulder, nodding before pulling away.  "You probably think I'm a nutcase for overreacting just now, though, and-"
He broke me off by kissing me - awkwardly, though, because he realized that he couldn't pull me as close as he usually did.  When he pulled away, he chuckled quietly.  "No - I don't think you're a nutcase.  I love you,"
"Love you, too," I bit my lip, "and I'm sorry for being a grump.  I know I have been lately, so don't tell me I haven't been!"
He grinned.  "I won't deny it, but I also know it's because you're expecting, so you don't have to apologize.  Now...when will we tell the girls?" 
"Probably today, after they wake up...right?  They'll wonder why and how I got such a big belly while they were sleeping," I giggled, and he nodded with a chuckle. 
"Yeah...I'll talk to Audrey, and you can talk to Casey.  Sound good?" 
"Yep," I nodded, reaching for another quick hug. 

When the girls woke up, Audrey was the first to notice my bulging belly. 

"Momma, what HAPPENED?!"  was her reaction, as she stared up at me with her eyes bulging. 
I struggled to keep a straight face at that one.  Eugene guided her over to one side of the table (Jordan was still sleeping, luckily) and I scooped Casey up and took her over to sit at the edge of the table. 
"Hey, sweet girl.  Did you have a nice nap?"  I asked. 
She nodded, but she was too distracted by staring at my stomach to talk about her nap.  "You're having a baby?" 
I froze in surprise.  "Um...yes.  How did you know?" 
She toyed with the little plastic necklace that was always around her neck.  "One of my Barbie families...the mother had a baby of their own and then they put me back up for adoption." 
"Oh, honey...I'm sorry," I whispered. 
"You won't....you won't leave me, will you?"  she gulped, staring up at me with a mixture of fear and bashfulness. 

"Honey, of course not.  You're counted as our child just as much as this one will be!"  I smiled.  "I don't know what I'd do without my little buddy.  I'd miss our nightly girl-chats!" 
She gave me an adorable smile, thankful and relieved, and I bumped my forehead against hers to make her giggle. 
"I'm glad.  I can't wait to meet my new brother or sister!"  she gave a toothy grin, and I gave her a quick hug. 
And then Audrey came racing over and fairly knocked me down, hugging me from the side enthusiastically.  "Mommy, mommy, mommy!  When's the baby coming?" 
I laughed.  She'd taken it a lot better than I'd expected her to.  "In about another month," I told her. 
And on and on she started talking, so fast we could hardly understand her. 

She was apparently soooo very excited for the idea of having another little sister, and Casey was soon swept up in the excitement as well. 
The girls didn't settle down for the rest of the evening. 

                                                           It was an interesting evening. 

The girls ran...and ran...and ran...and shared ideas of what they could teach their new sibling...things that they'd already taught Jordan.  Such as how to pull Pascal's tail and supposedly not get caught.
Finally, at around ten o'clock, they were tired out enough to collapse into bed, after we'd exchanged "good night, sleep tight, mommy and daddy love you"s.  By then, I was bone tired.  I collapsed into bed, my hair incredibly messy and un-brushed, moving only to make room for Eugene. 
I groaned, stretching my back.  It was amazing how much strain was put on my back already, and it HURT!  I squeezed my eyes shut, squirming uncomfortably until I decided that my back wasn't getting any less sore.  With a huff, I turned on my side....and realized that Eugene had been watching me. 
"What?" 
"Nothing - just watching you and wishing you were able to get comfortable, since you seem to be having an issue with that." 
"Yeah..." I sighed.  "If my back is this sore, and it's only been ONE DAY with my belly this big....I'm gonna die before this kid's born!" 
"You'll be fine.  I'm sorry.  You'll probably stay off your feet less when your due date gets closer, I'm thinking," he offered quietly. 
"Hmmh...so that means I get to lay around in bed, bored and uncomfortable!" 
He chuckled.  "Sorry." 
"Anyway.  So...do you think Audrey's excited?  Casey was scared because she thought we'd give her back up for adoption when the baby is born.  One of her other families did that," I explained. 
My guy grinned. "Yeah...she's just a bit excited.  And oh, man....I can't believe someone could do that.  Especially to Casey." 
"Yeah," I sighed, scooting around until I could rest my head on his shoulder, which was no easy feat.  My belly pressed into his side, and within moments, a flurry of bumps and kicks erupted from the baby.  I sighed again, scooting away until my stomach wasn't pressed against him, and looked up at my husband.  He was staring at my stomach, wide-eyed, and I realized that he probably hadn't felt the baby moving yet.  His face was PRICELESS.  I couldn't help but giggle! 
Finally, he mumbled, "I can't imagine having that going on i-inside of me all the time." 
I pressed my hand to my mouth, trying not to giggle.  When I finally could trust myself to speak without laughing, I said, "I'm not used to it...nor could I have imagined it, either!" 
He nodded, chuckling, and reached to slip his arms carefully around me with a smile.  "Love you.  I would offer to let you cuddle up against me, but I think the baby would likely have something to say about that.  Again." 
I grinned, letting one of my hands drop to my stomach as I still tried to wrap my mind around the fact that I carried a baby.  "Yeah...most likely.  I love you, too!"